How to Get Through Hard Times in Life

Share this & help someone else!

This past year has been a doozy, to say the least. A LOT has happened, but I will just give you the highlights.

Following my dad’s cancer diagnosis, my husband and I decided to move from our beloved state of Colorado last July to be close to my parents in Florida.

Two months before we left on our cross-country trek, our family dog (who we had since he was just 2 months old) got sick and died at the age of 17.

While we were there, my husband was in constant pain and was losing his vision in one eye. It took many tests at various places and lots of all-day hospital visits to finally determine that he had a rare form of eye cancer as well as a detached retina which rendered him blind in the eye.

The type of cancer that he had is called ocular melanoma (five in a million odds) and he had the largest tumor any of the doctors had ever seen. It could only be treated by this one hospital in Miami, and he had to stay isolated there for four days while he received radiation treatment that was not guaranteed to work.

We didn’t have health insurance and we had just moved across the country, so all the flights and medical expenses quickly piled up and ate through our savings. We also racked up quite a bit of debt.

Just before Christmas, we were unable to make our rent and had to move out in less than 2 weeks. So we moved to Louisiana, where my husband’s family is from, and where the rent is much less expensive.

All this time, I was trying to manage the Etsy business and my husband was trying to find work in a new state while battling cancer. We finally moved into our own place in February (we moved 4 times in this one year!) and managed to stabilize a little bit.

But then in June- just before Father’s Day- I had a miscarriage and the day after, my husband had a heart attack.

Fortunately, his heart stent seems to be holding up well and his cancer is in regression. I’ve also recovered physically, if not emotionally, and we are doing a lot better now, though we still struggle.

I am normally a very private person, but I want to share my story because I know that there are a lot of people who are going through tough times as well and sometimes it can feel very lonely, like no one truly understands.

One of the positive things to come out of my difficult situation is that I can be more empathetic to those in similar positions. Our experiences in life, although they may be difficult, teach us lessons and mold us into better people, so there’s often a silver lining depending on the way you look at things.

I’m not completely healed, and I still have tough days/moments, but I have found some healthy ways to cope, so I am sharing them to hopefully help others who are dealing with hardships on their own. If you’re in a dark place, I hope something in this blog post provides you with at least a glimmer of light.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

How Do I Deal With Difficult Times in My Life?

One small thing

Do one small thing – even if you don’t want to. Doing that one small thing is often enough to make you feel just better enough to do another small thing … and on and on until you actually pull yourself out of the funk.

This is known as the snowball effect. When a snowball rolls down a snow-covered hill, it becomes bigger and faster as it gathers more snow and gains more momentum.

This process is not only true for snowballs but for many situations in life in which one seemingly insignificant thing leads to another, eventually leading to a significant outcome.

For example, just stretch. While you’re stretching, you may feel good enough to do some exercise.

Get in the shower. While you’re in there, you may feel good enough to exfoliate and wash your hair.

Pull out a pen and paper. Start by writing just one thing you are grateful for. After you write it, you may think of more things you are grateful for, or just things you want to write down to get off your chest.

The point is to get yourself moving in the right direction without feeling overwhelmed. Getting started is usually the hardest part. Once you do that one small thing, you will naturally build momentum as you go along.

So just do something, no matter how small.

Change of scenery

Force your brain to process new surroundings – it’s linked to enhanced happiness, according to a recent study.

When you have a new experience, it creates a boost of positive emotion, in addition to increasing creativity --which can provide you with a fresh perspective.

Changing up your daily routine and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone may be just what you need for a “reset”. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental.

Once again, the key is not to overwhelm yourself any further - you're already going through a hard time. Try something small like taking a different route, going on a day trip, or trying a new activity.

If you spend a lot of time indoors, try to spend some time outside. Nature is a natural antidote to stress. Evidence suggests that connecting with nature improves wellbeing and there are numerous studies that demonstrate the mental health benefits of spending time in nature.

Nature therapy can include activities like:
-gardening
-stargazing
-green exercise
-arts and crafts
-spending time with animals
-hiking
-or anything you can enjoy outside in nature

Clean, organize, and decorate

Your environment has an impact on your mental health. Pay attention to what’s in your immediate surroundings – how does your space make you feel?

I work from home so I’m often at my desk and yet it wasn’t until recently that I decorated my space with colorful things that make me happy. It’s amazing how much aesthetics can affect mood.

Another thing that helps is clearing clutter. For me, mess causes stress!

Studies have shown that because we see our home as an extension of ourselves, there is a link between the state of the home (cluttered or organized) and psychological well-being. A cluttered environment can impede your ability to focus, cause anxiety, and even lead to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Consider your lighting and air flow as well. I am super sensitive to harsh overhead light and prefer lamps with low-wattage amber light.

Do you have enough natural light coming in during the day? Maybe you could use an essential oil diffuser or some air-purifying plants. Maybe you’d like to have some meaningful artwork on the wall or some photos of loved ones.

Organizing your space can help you to feel in control, more relaxed, and happier. I start by pulling everything out of drawers and taking everything off surfaces, putting everything into a big pile. Then, I clean and separate the pile into categories, getting rid of as much as possible along the way. Once I’m finished, I like to light a candle to sort of cleanse the space. This can serve as a calming ritual whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Distract yourself

If you notice yourself spiraling, distract yourself with something positive and uplifting.

Again, this may not work at first but give it some time. The trick is to disrupt the negative thought pattern and bring your attention to the present moment.

Having a self-care plan is especially important for hard times like this so you don’t have to waste valuable mental energy deciding what to do.

Do whatever works for you -read some motivational quotes, curl up with a novel, look at cute photos, watch funny videos on YouTube, binge watch a show, play video games, bake a cake … anything that will temporarily take your mind off your current situation.

One thing I like to do is the five-finger breathing exercise (see video below for demonstration).

It is a multisensory exercise that involves sight and touch, which is why it works so well in distracting the brain from negative thoughts. It also relaxes your parasympathetic nervous system and sends a signal to the brain that you are safe.

Here’s how to do it: spread your fingers apart on one hand. With the pointer finger of the other hand, slowly trace up the outside of your pinky finger as you take a deep breath. Hold for a couple seconds and then trace down the inside of your pinky finger as you exhale. Continue this for all five fingers, inhaling as you trace up and exhaling as you trace down.

Follow 3D Success on Instagram for more self-care ideas.

Lift weights

The single thing that has helped me through my hardships the most is lifting weights. It’s like even though I might be feeling weak mentally, I can still feel strong physically. Which in turn helps me to feel stronger mentally.

Also, any type of exercise releases dopamine and endorphins, which chemically lifts your spirits and energy. If you really exert yourself, it also has the dual benefit of lifting your mood and helping you sleep better.

Strength/resistance training builds resilience not only in the body but also in the mind; it helps to release trauma that is stored in the body and trains the body to better handle future stressful events. So, weightlifting is not only a quick fix for anxiety; it’s also a long-term solution. For me, lifting weights and yoga have been two of the most helpful coping mechanisms and I do both almost every day.

Interestingly, studies and research suggests that:
-females are even more sensitive to the anxiety-reducing effects of resistance exercise than males
-resistance exercise enhances the effects of other modes of exercise, such as aerobics, balance, and flexibility exercises
-in a clinical trial, resistance exercise significantly improved anxiety and significantly reduced depressive symptoms among research participants

Protect your peace

Once you’ve gotten yourself to a peaceful place, don’t let anyone pop that bubble.

Just because someone else is being mean or rude doesn’t mean you have to return that same energy. If someone else is in a bad mood, that doesn’t mean yours has to be ruined.

You have to guard yourself against things that will suck your energy or bring down your vibration. It can be difficult at times, especially if you tend to people-please, but your mental well-being simply must be safeguarded.

This is something I still struggle with as a highly sensitive, empathetic person. Maintaining your inner peace amidst chaos is no easy task.

I’ve learned that it is something you have to work on before you are in the difficult situation. I do this with yoga (which sets the tone for the day), mindfulness, and filtering the things I watch, hear, and read.

Social media and television in particular can really have an influence on your state of mind and the way you see the world. So, be careful what you allow your brain to consume.

It’s also important to set healthy boundaries around your time and your energy. Notice what things/people trigger you and try to eliminate or lessen those influences.

For example, if there is someone who always complains or has something negative to say or makes you feel bad about yourself, distance yourself from that person. If your schedule is already full and someone asks for a favor or invites you to an event, say no (and don’t feel guilty about it).

People who care about you and want the best for you will respect your boundaries. Toxic people will not. If someone is repeatedly disrespecting your boundaries, you need to decide whether you are willing to accept that behavior forever. If not, it may be time to cut that person out of your life – your serenity is more important than that relationship.

Help others

Taking your mind off yourself for a little bit may be the best thing for you when you’re ruminating or catastrophizing about your difficult situation.

Focusing that attention on helping others has the added benefit of helping you as well.

Even small gestures are enough to reduce stress and lift your spirits a little bit. There are many ways to help others, for example:

-Donating money or possessions: When you donate, you are not only helping those in need but also reminding yourself of what you have to be grateful for.

-Volunteering: Donating your time to a cause that you feel passionate about can help you feel a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Making the world a better place in some way, however small, helps you to feel a sense of connection and belonging, a basic human need.

-Being a shoulder to cry on: Showing empathy not only helps that person feel understood, it also helps you to better understand yourself. If your mom/friend/son/husband, etc. was suffering, you would be kind and supportive. But when it comes to you, do you treat yourself with the same compassion you show others?

Somehow, it’s easier to be extra hard on yourself and hold yourself to standards you would never hold others. But you deserve understanding and forgiveness too!

Try not to be so harsh with yourself and treat yourself more tenderly, understanding that you’re only human and that imperfection is an unavoidable part of that.

You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to feel sad. And you are worthy of love.

One way to show yourself love and compassion is to practice self-care. Don't know where to start? Check out these self-care ideas.

Ask for help/self-help plan

Some people have family or friends or a therapist that they can reach out to when times get tough. Or they belong to a religious group and can turn to prayer, the Bible (or other religious text), or fellow church members for support.

But, if you don’t, or if you’d rather speak confidentially when you’re in a bad place, you could call an anonymous help line and talk to a stranger. Sometimes it helps to get things off your chest and hear a different perspective.

I’ve done this a few times by calling 988 (suicide and crisis lifeline) and the friendly folks over there have helped me when I was really struggling. They provide 24/7 support to anyone in a crisis situation.

The phone call or chat can also serve as the initial “snowball” that calms you down enough to do something else that makes you feel better, and then something else that makes you feel better, etc.

For example, maybe make yourself a cup of tea before you make the call and do some yoga after you hang up. After yoga, take a mindful shower where you visualize all your problems rinsing off of you and going down the drain. Then, enjoy some aromatherapy and curl up with a book.

One of the best strategies the crisis counselors suggested is creating a crisis plan. Much like a self-care plan, having pre-planned activities in place will help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed in the moment and not able to think clearly.

Simply follow the plan you prepared for yourself, knowing that those things will help you. It can change over time as you see what works for you and what can be improved. Your crisis plan can include:

-Triggers
-Warning Signs (emotions, thoughts, behaviors)
-Coping Strategies: ways to distract yourself, wellness tools/self-care activities, resources/sources of support
-Effectiveness/what to change for future

Here is a Crisis Plan Worksheet I created; this one is already filled out as an example, but blank ones are also available for you to download in my Ko-fi shop for FREE or whatever you want to pay.