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Do you …

-Feel guilty for saying no?
-Allow people to disrespect you?
-Put others first, even at your own expense?
-Get overwhelmed easily?

If so, you need to set some personal boundaries!

Setting boundaries makes it possible to have healthy relationships and maintain your  individuality.

In this post, we’ll discuss how to set healthy personal boundaries –an essential part of any self-care plan.

Download your Boundary- Setting Worksheets PDF

Includes:
-Boundaries Self-Assessment
-Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries Checklist
-Setting Boundaries in Relationships
-Types of Boundaries
-Set Boundaries Worksheets
-Boundary-Setting Examples
-Boundary Setting Affirmations
-Commitment to Myself

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are borders or limits that you don’t want someone else to cross.

When you set healthy personal boundaries, you are letting others know what’s unacceptable for you. You are taking responsibility for yourself by letting others know how you want to be treated and what you will not tolerate.

Your boundaries are meant to protect and safeguard your well-being, like a security system is meant to protect a home and safeguard everything inside.

You decide what your boundaries are, and others have to either respect them or keep it moving. By setting boundaries, you are taking responsibility for yourself, not the actions of others.

It’s your personal space -what do you want to allow in? What do you want to keep out?

Before defining your boundaries, it may be helpful to first think about what types of boundaries you need to set in your life.

Different Types of Boundaries in Relationships

In what areas of your life do you need to set boundaries? You may find that certain relationships are lacking boundaries, such as your:

-romantic relationships
-relationship with your parents/family members
-friendships
-relationship with in-laws
-boss/co-worker relationships

There are various types of boundaries you can set but here are some main categories:

Physical Boundaries

These refer to your personal space and unwanted touch or closeness. You have the right to your personal space, privacy, and the right to refuse to be touched on any part of your body at any time, by anyone.

Emotional Boundaries

You have the right to feel your feelings. Other people do not have the right to impose their opinions on you or make you feel bad for not sharing their emotions. You may also want to set boundaries around what you are willing to hear or be exposed to (for example, emotional dumping or other toxic behavior)

Time Boundaries

Time is your most valuable possession, and you must protect it. Consistently overextending yourself can lead to mental health issues including stress, fatigue, and burnout. Setting time boundaries (saying no!) will help prevent burnout and ensure that you make time for self-care. When someone asks you to make a commitment, think about whether you truly want to do it. If they’re pressuring you and you feel like you can’t say no in the moment, ask for time to think about it.

Material Boundaries

This involves your material possessions, including money. You decide whether you want to give or lend your things. This could also include boundaries you set with yourself to eliminate your debt or setting spending limits.

Why are Healthy Personal Boundaries So Important?

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. Healthy boundaries help you to protect yourself and maintain healthy relationships. 

Not setting healthy personal boundaries leaves you prone to physical and mental ailments by allowing things you don’t want into your life.  

Boundaries serve many purposes, including:

-staying true to yourself/maintaining individuality
-getting the respect that you deserve
-making your needs known
-letting people know your expectations & avoiding misunderstandings
-living a healthy life|
-preventing resentment and regret
-keeping stress levels low
-clearing negative energies from your surroundings
-creating consistency/stability
-establishing your identity
-staying safe/protecting yourself (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
-taking back/maintaining control of your life

Healthy vs Unhealthy Boundaries

Unhealthy boundaries = disrespect.

When you tolerate disrespect, you are sending a message to the other person that you are willing to accept mistreatment. Even worse, you are sending a message to yourself that you are not worthy of being treated well.

To the contrary, when you set healthy boundaries, you are letting everyone know (including yourself) what you are, and are not, willing to tolerate.

You have the right to protect your time, your energy, and your needs as a living being. You have the right to say no to things that don’t align with your priorities.

And you deserve to be treated with respect or left alone. When you set boundaries, you give others the opportunity to either agree with your terms or bug off.

Examples of healthy boundaries:

-saying no
-communicating your needs
-respecting others’ needs
-valuing your own opinions
-making time for self-care
-trusting your decisions

Examples of unhealthy boundaries:

-always saying yes and overextending yourself
-not respecting when someone else says no
-tolerating disrespect
-allowing someone to dictate your life choices
-not prioritizing your well-being
-giving up your interests/substituting your decisions for someone else’s

Why is Setting Boundaries So Hard?

If it’s hard for you to set boundaries, look to your underlying core values. For example, if one of your top core values is dependability, you may have trouble saying no, even if it’s not in your best interest because you want to be a dependable person.

*If you are interested in getting to know yourself and your core values, check out these self-discovery worksheets.

The truth is, you can be a dependable person and set boundaries. In fact, setting boundaries makes you even more dependable because you let others know up front exactly what you expect from them.

Setting boundaries is not selfish. Self-care is not selfish.

Taking care of yourself is an act of love not only for you but for all those you come in contact with during your life.

Only by practicing self-care (including setting boundaries) can you feel and perform your best.

You at your best is one of the most valuable gifts you can give your loved ones -- and the world at large.

Reasons for Not Setting Boundaries

Lack of Experience

Setting boundaries is a learned skill.

So, if you’ve never set boundaries before, it may seem scary.

Start small – for example, try saying no to an offer when you feel like you already have too much on your plate.

Don’t overexplain, you don’t need to justify yourself. Just say something like “I’d love to, but I can’t right now” or “It’s hard for me to say no but I have to this time.”

Low Self-Esteem

If you struggle with low self-esteem, you may need to work on your confidence before you’re able to effectively set all the boundaries you need.

But it’s helpful to understand that the two are interconnected -- once you begin to set healthy boundaries, your self-esteem will rise.

And then you will have the confidence to set more boundaries, which will again have a positive impact on your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and self-love.

So, take that first leap of setting a personal boundary and enjoy the cascading benefits!

Fear

Fear of rejection, abandonment, conflict/confrontation, hurting someone’s feelings, being perceived as mean, controlling, selfish, etc. are all misguided reasons for not setting boundaries.

Those fears pale in comparison to living a life that’s not your own.

It’s ok if they get angry, it’s ok if they think you’re selfish – you are not responsible for other people’s feelings or behavior, only your own.

Remember that inaction is an action too. By not setting healthy boundaries, you are making a choice to constantly be at the mercy of others. 

Lack of Self-Awareness

If you don’t know what your core values are, what you want out of your relationships, and how you want to be treated, then how can you set boundaries?

As you progress along your personal development journey, your self-awareness will deepen, and you will gain a better understanding of your needs.

As you evolve, you will be progressively better equipped to set boundaries that suit YOU.

No matter who you are or what you stand for, some will love you and some won’t … but those who wish to be around you must respect you.

Empathy

Highly sensitive people and empaths in particular may also struggle with setting healthy boundaries since they are so often willing to sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of others.

That’s why it’s especially important for these highly sensitive individuals to protect their emotional and energetic resources.

Trauma

If you grew up with mentally unstable, controlling, abusive, or otherwise toxic parents/caregivers, you may also feel guilty when setting boundaries.

Having your boundaries consistently violated as a child makes it harder to set boundaries as an adult.

Those who grew up in an enmeshed family may also feel guilty for putting themselves first.

Forbidden from developing their own identity and forced to meet the needs of their parent instead of their own, enmeshed children become codependent and unable to set healthy personal boundaries.

Enmeshment trauma often manifests in the form of:

-lack of confidence
-difficulty making decisions
-feeling responsible for others’ feelings
-fear of conflict
-toxic relationships
-low self-esteem

Limiting Beliefs

Society teaches us (especially women) that we must always be agreeable and self-sacrificing. When your self-worth is tied up with pleasing other people, you may feel guilty or selfish when standing up for yourself.

This limiting belief system based on people-pleasing must be unlearned and replaced with one that based on the truth – that you matter.

In fact, you should come first.

You may face other limiting beliefs when it comes to setting healthy personal boundaries.  Here are some myth-busting truths to help you overcome them:

-self-care is not selfish
-saying no does not make you a bad person
-keeping the peace is not worth your inner peace
-loving someone does not mean doing everything they want
-setting boundaries does not make you a difficult, demanding, or rude person
-boundaries are not permanent; you are free to change them as you continue along your personal development journey
-setting healthy boundaries is not about controlling the behavior of others, but rather controlling what you accept into your life

When to Set Boundaries

It’s usually easier to set boundaries in the beginning before any expectations or patterns of behavior have been established.

When you don’t set a boundary early on, when it’s “something small”, it invites the person to continue overstepping your boundaries.

And the more they push, the more trapped you feel by your first decision to remain silent and pretend like their behavior is ok with you.

But the truth is it’s never too late to set boundaries. Even if you haven’t set boundaries in an existing relationship, you still have every right to at any point.

If they get angry, let them go! They’re just upset that they no longer have control over you for their own selfish purposes.

People who truly care about you will respect your boundaries. Toxic people who want to manipulate, abuse, or take advantage of you will not.

Those who love you will encourage your personal and spiritual growth. They will allow you the space to take care of yourself in the way you need.

Toxic people will stifle your growth and seek to control you with their selfish desires and opinions.

“They know your worth. They just hope you don’t.”

So, don’t feel guilty. Remember, you’re not saying the other person has to comply; you are simply telling them what you need. They decide whether they want to live with the boundary you’ve set or not. 

How to Set Boundaries

Once you've defined your boundaries, it’s time to communicate them.

Keep it simple. Be clear and specific. Do not overexplain or justify.

Simply state your boundary and set forth consequences for crossing it. You could even plan what you are going to say ahead of time. For example, “If you continue to talk to me disrespectfully, I’m going to leave.”

Focus on YOUR needs and what YOU will do, not what the other person is doing. So, for example, instead of saying, “Don’t email me during work hours”, say “I’ve decided to respond to all emails after work, so I’ll get back to you then.”

If you are not used to setting boundaries, it may be uncomfortable at first. Do it anyway. It will get easier, and the more you practice, the more confident you will become.

If they cross the boundary, enact the consequence. This is really important.

If, for example, if you said you would leave if they continued to talk to you disrespectfully, then be prepared to do so. If you don’t, the other person will know they can continue to violate your boundaries without reproach.

Of course, that’s not to say that your boundaries can’t be flexible. Again, as you change and grow, so will your boundaries.

***If you are in an abusive situation or dealing with someone who has a psychological problem, it may not be safe for you to try and set boundaries with them alone. Please seek help if you are in danger.

Respecting Others’ Boundaries

Boundary setting is not only about you; it’s also about other people. You don’t have to agree with other people’s boundaries, but you have to respect them. We all have the right to autonomy over our own lives.

People can make decisions without your advice or interference. If you do offer unsolicited advice, don’t expect the other person to take it. They will ultimately decide what’s best for them and their life.

You can also respect someone’s boundaries accepting only what they share freely. Snooping, prying, and asking too many questions are all nosy behaviors that can make people feel uncomfortable.

You may not always be aware that you’ve disrespected someone else’s boundary. When someone informs you that you’ve crossed the line, listen carefully to what they’re telling you (including body language) and do not interrupt.

Once they’ve finished speaking, ask questions if there is something that you don’t understand. Accept the boundary graciously and remember how you’d like to be treated when you set your own boundaries. If you’re not ok with the boundary, be prepared to walk away.

Stay Committed to Communicating and Enforcing Your Boundaries

I hope this has helped inspire you to set healthy personal boundaries. Be sure to check out the Boundary-Setting Worksheets I created to go along with this post (available in the SelfCareby3DSuccess Etsy Shop).

What types of boundaries do you need in your life? Let me know in the comments!  

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

TED Talks on Confidence
#1. Self-Confidence - Cece Olisa - TEDx Fresno State

TED Talks on Confidence
#2. Creative Confidence - David Kelley

Author and Stanford d. school creator, David Kelley doesn't buy into the idea that there is a divide between "creatives" and "practical people".

He believes that we're all creative but somewhere along the line, we opt out of thinking about ourselves as creative.

How Our Creative Confidence Gets Destroyed

In this TED Talk on creativity, David recounts a story from his childhood to illustrate this point.

His classmate, Brian was making a clay horse when a girl came up to him and asked what he was making. Brian replied that he was making a horse and the girl said something along the lines of, "That looks terrible! That doesn't look anything like a horse!"

Brian tossed his clay horse aside and sadly, David never saw Brian do a project like that again.

We all must have a story like this! I remember when I was in elementary school, our assignment was to show the class a talent/hobby we were working on.

My (extra-curricular) ballet teacher and I diligently worked on a short performance for the assignment. 

Well, that day (back when there were no iPhones, etc) the teacher had technical difficulties getting my music to play so it took a while before I could do my dance, which was a very short beginner piece.

After I finished the dance, my teacher exclaimed in frustration, "That's it? We waited all this time for that?"

If you know anything about ballet, you know that it is very technical and takes lots of practice before you can do pirouettes and grand jetes!

Needless to say, I was extremely hurt and still remember that scarring remark to this day.

These are the kinds of influences that lead us to think of ourselves as "not good at" something ... the kinds of things that hold us from chasing our dreams because we have a fear of judgment.

We Can Build Confidence Through Guided Mastery

David says that we can overcome this kind of self-destructive thinking and we should - because it simply isn't true and it doesn't do us any good.

In a previous post, I discussed the concept of self-efficacy (the belief that you can do what you set out to do). This type of confidence is essential if you want to accomplish your life goals. 

David Kelley actually met with Psychologist Albert Bandura, who coined the term "self-efficacy" and believes that it is the single most powerful predictor of success. 

David wanted to talk to him about how he manages to cure people's phobias at an extremely high success rate, how he manages to help people overcome their sense of insecurity.

Bandura explained to him that he did it through "guided mastery".

Guided mastery is the process of taking baby steps and enjoying small successes to overcome fear.

For example, someone who is scared of snakes would first be told that there was a snake in the next room, then they would take steps toward the door, step inside the room, etc. etc. until eventually they were touching and holding the snake. 

David encourages us to take that first baby step -- you might surprise yourself! Countless opportunities will open up to you when you begin to move from fear to familiarity. 

TED Talks on Confidence
#3. Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are - Amy Cuddy

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy set out to determine whether you can "fake it 'till you make it".

She had already seen how body language influences power dynamics among both animals and people.

When we feel powerful, we open up and take up more space; when we feel weak, we make ourselves smaller and take up less space. 

It works both ways -- if we open up and take up more space, we feel more powerful; if we make ourselves smaller and take up less space, we feel weaker. 

How Non-Verbal Communication Influences Our Confidence

And this non-verbal communication not only influences how people think of us but also how we think of ourselves. 

Role changes shape the mind -- animals who are forced into an alpha role have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol (higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol are also found in powerful people).

So, in her study, Amy had people hold either high power poses or low power poses for two minutes. Their saliva samples were taken before and after. 

She found that the people who performed the high power poses had decreased cortisol, and increased testosterone. 

And those who performed the low power poses had higher levels of cortisol, and decreased testosterone. 

Here are some power poses to practice if you want to give it a try:

It's amazing how such tiny tweaks can lead to big changes!

So, in this TED Talk on creativity, Amy says that our:

-Mind changes our body
-Body changes our mind
-Mind changes our behavior
-Behavior changes our outcome

She concludes that you shouldn't "fake it 'till you make it" but rather "fake it 'till you become it".

TED Talks on Confidence
#4. Meet Yourself - A User's Guide to Building Self-Esteem - Niko Everett - TEDx Youth @ Bommer Canyon

Jen Oliver counsels us to stop looking for external validation of our worth and love ourselves to the core.

She advises us to replace competition and scarcity with compassion and kindness -- what she calls "magnanimous love".

The average person thinks 70,000 thoughts in a single day. And 80% of them are negative, either towards ourselves or someone else.

Did you know that positive emotions actually strengthens the heart? And that negative emotions harden our arteries?

Be Kind to Yourself

Jen gives us good advice in this TED Talk on creativity- don't be your own worst enemy. Trust that you are worthy because of who you are on the inside. Replace your negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. 

Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering ones. Build new neural connections and lift your vibration. Breathe into your heart and feel the love. 

Keep trying, even if you think you can't at first. "Innercise" is just as important as "exercise".

Jen leaves us with the secret ingredient to loving yourself to the core -- gratitude. 

TED Talks on Confidence

*Bonus*#6. How to Become More Confident - Till H. Groß

This is another inspiring motivational TED Talk on confidence.

It centers around "comfort zone challenges" where you put yourself in situations that make you insecure.

Till's version of "feel the fear and do it anyway": lay down in the street for 30 seconds!

Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure therapy, Till advises us to retrain our autonomic nervous system by confronting our particular insecurities over and over again. 

I hope these TED Talks on Creativity helped you! Got any other suggestions? Leave a comment!

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Imagine having the confidence to courageously pursue your wildest dreams.

To truly believe in yourself.

To know that, whatever life throws at you, you’ll be able to handle it. That – win or lose – your best is good enough.

Well, guess what my friends? You can!

Confidence isn’t some elusive quality that some lucky people are born with and others are not.

It’s a skill that can be learned and improved.

So, get ready to kick all those self-doubts, insecurities and limiting beliefs to the curb!

Here are 17 tips to increase your self-confidence so you can get more of what you want out of life.

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

Download your 17 Confidence Building Questions Worksheet!

It's available in the Freebie Library, a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable self-help content from the blog!

1. Shift your focus

Do you generally tend to focus on what went wrong and all the things you could/should have done better?

Stop that!

Your thoughts are powerful. So, choose what to focus on.

Shift your thoughts from negative to positive.

Instead of beating yourself up over your shortcomings or failures, try praising yourself for all your accomplishments.

Maybe even make a list of all the things you’ve done that you are proud of. Force yourself to acknowledge and dwell on those things more.

If you don’t think you’ve accomplished much, you’re not thinking in the right frame of mind. Everything is relative so try and keep things in perspective.

For example, consider that your eyes can distinguish approximately 10 million different colors – that’s amazing! Or that your brain has 2,500,000 gigabytes of storage space (for comparison, the largest storage capacity iPhone 11 only has 512GB).

 “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  – Albert Einstein

2. Know yourself & your why

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” – Dalai Lama

How well do you know yourself?

Sometimes, the reason we lack confidence in ourselves is because we’re not really sure what we’re capable of.

In order to realize your potential, you’ve got to have confidence in your ability. And in order to have confidence in your ability, you’ve got to get some accomplishments under your belt.

But, what is it exactly that you want to accomplish?

In order to truly feel fulfilled, you must know your why. Why do you do everything you do? What’s the motivating force in your life? Essentially, what are you fighting for?

When you are passionate about something, you are willing to fight for it in spite of your fear or insecurities. Find what that “why” is for you and let that passion (not fear) fuel your actions.

Here are 71 insightful questions to help you get to know yourself better.

3. Change your limiting beliefs

If you’re a regular reader, you know that I’ve talked quite a bit about limiting beliefs on the blog.

Your beliefs are so powerful!

They influence everything you do.

Because our brains are constantly inundated with information, they are forced to take shortcuts (heuristics) in order to continue operating efficiently.

For example, maybe you experienced failure of some form in your life.

Maybe you were rejected for a few jobs.

Or a few of your relationships didn’t work out.

Or some people betrayed your trust.

And so, your brain jumps to the illogical conclusion that that’s just how it is and that’s how it always will be.

It’s a survival/defense mechanism to help you avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.

But, it’s important to remember that your thoughts are not facts.

Examine the reasons why you don’t go for that job, ask that girl out, or open up to that friend?

Could it be that you’re holding yourself back with limiting beliefs like:

Check out this post for a more in-depth discussion of limiting beliefs that could be destroying your confidence and how to replace them with empowering beliefs. There’s also a free worksheet download to help you.

Confidence Building Tip #4. Exercise 

Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals.

And I find that, the more I exercise the better I feel.

If you haven’t been exercising regularly or you lead a sedentary lifestyle, this confidence building activity could be the key to your newfound confidence!

Exercise can help you sculpt your body and improve your appearance, which goes a long way towards increasing your confidence.

When you look good, you feel good.

But, what I love the most about exercise is the way it makes me feel. When I exercise, I feel strong.

And when I feel strong, I feel more confident.

So, just get moving in any way that feels good to you!

My recommendations: walking/running outside, weight-lifting, and yoga.

*And of course, a healthy anti-anxiety diet goes hand in hand with this confidence building tip*

5. Get rid of toxic influences to boost your confidence

Got any Debbie Downers in your life?

How about any “one-uppers”?

Or emotional vampires?

Get rid of those people! Or at least limit your contact.

If someone seems to always bring you down or suck the life out of you every time you’re around them, maybe it’s time to cut them out of your life.

You don’t need anyone reinforcing your own negative self-talk and dragging you down.

This may be one of the most difficult confidence building tips to implement, especially if you have already formed a bond with the toxic person.

But it’s important to remember that this is your one and only (short) life to live. You don’t want to spend it caught up in someone else’s drama!

6. Accomplish goals & celebrate your successes to increase your confidence

When you’re lacking confidence, you don’t believe in yourself.

Your self-efficacy is low.

You don’t believe in your ability to accomplish your goals.

So, how can you convince yourself otherwise?

Give yourself proof.

Set a big goal (like a personal development plan) and tackle it little by little.

Chunk it down into manageable, bite-size pieces.

Each step of the way, every time you accomplish one of those mini-goals, celebrate your success.

Your brain registers these small wins and it gives you the motivation you need to keep going.

The more you accomplish, the more your confidence rises.

The more your confidence rises, the more you set out to accomplish and the more you do accomplish.

This confidence building tip is super important because here’s the thing – as humans, we tend to focus on the negative way more than the positive.

This negativity bias makes us remember negative events more than positive ones. It's why we're more affected by negative events than positive ones.

It also makes us risk-averse when it comes to decision-making. Which is not a good thing considering that getting outside your comfort zone is one of the keys to success.

So, provide yourself with as much positive proof as you can to counteract that negativity bias and boost your confidence!

Confidence Building Tip #7. Take risks/get uncomfortable/fail

This is probably the single most important confidence building tip on this list.

If you want to be successful, you have to be willing to take risks. You have to be willing to get uncomfortable. And you have to be ok with failure.

I love this quote from J.K. Rowling:

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.”

Are you seeing your failures as learning opportunities and stepping-stones to ultimate success? Or are you letting them stop you from living a life you love?

8. Experience new things

If you want to build your confidence, you’ve got to get out there!

Confidence comes from experience.

When you try something new, and you succeed (or at least survive), you prove to yourself that you can do it!

Which gives you the confidence to try the next thing.

Try facing the things that you’re really afraid of. Think of what scares you the most and face that fear.

You’d be surprised how strong you really are. So, test yourself. See if you can make it through one small battle at a time.

The more you come out the other side unscathed, the more you will gain confidence.

9. Focus on the present, not past mistakes to build confidence

When we have feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem, we tend to ruminate on past mistakes.

We obsess over every little thing we did wrong/ could have done better/ should have done/ shouldn’t have done, etc. etc.

This goes back to that negativity bias. We can remember criticisms better than compliments, failures better than successes, losses better than wins.

So, this confidence building tip is to focus on the present, not the past.

Sometimes, we box ourselves in or allow ourselves to be boxed into a role – we identify as a certain “kind of person”, based on our own limiting beliefs or others’ inaccurate perceptions.

Break free from that prison!

You can be whoever you want to be. You are not handcuffed by your past actions or beliefs or mistakes.

When you are true to yourself, your confidence will soar.

Download your 17 Confidence Building Questions Worksheet!

It's available in the Freebie Library, a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable content from the blog!

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10. Social media detox/stop comparing

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Social media is the perfect breeding ground for insecurity.

Seeing glorified snapshots of other people’s lives (true representations or not) can convince you that, in comparison, you’re not pretty enough, successful enough, popular enough, etc.

Don’t allow yourself to get sucked down that rabbit hole of nonsense.

The truth is that there will always be someone better or worse than you at any given thing. Always someone richer and someone poorer. Someone prettier and someone uglier. Someone smarter and someone less intelligent.

I mean, think about it – there are over 7 billion people in the world - can't beat em all! 

So, just focus on doing your best. Being the best that you can be.

If you’re struggling with this, check out this social media detox article in which I talk about my inadvertent 3 month digital detox and how you can do a (perhaps less extreme) detox too.

11. Body language

Even if you don’t really feel confident on the inside, you can appear – and actually become more – confident through body language.

When you hold yourself in certain ways, it sends signals to your brain that reinforce feelings of confidence.

That’s why one of the most powerful confidence building habits you can adopt has to do with body language.

Here are some tips for confident body language:

Confidence building tip #12. Slow down

When we get nervous, our heart rate increases. Our breathing speeds up. We talk faster.

Slow down.

When you take your time, you appear more in control and more confident.

Nervous behaviors like speaking quickly, fidgeting and darting your eyes around are signs of a lack of confidence.

The best way to slow down is to practice deep breathing.

There are several different types of deep breathing exercises to help you slow down, calm anxiety and feel more confident.

Here’s a video that demonstrates 3 different techniques.

13. Declutter Your Space and Your Mind

If your living space is cluttered, it can negatively impact your state of mind.

Not only does mess cause stress, but it can also bring down your confidence.

A relatively easy (and extremely rewarding) confidence building activity is decluttering.

Start small. Tackle one room at a time. After you’ve decluttered, make sure everything is clean and organized. Then, decorate your space with things that make you happy.

Your physical environment isn’t the only thing that can get cluttered and cause you to feel overwhelmed and down on yourself – your mind can as well.

Have you tried doing a brain dump? It’s positively magical!

Read this article for tips on how to do a brain dump. Free brain dump worksheet printables are included and are available in the Freebie Library.

14. Self-Care

Do you always put others first?

Even when that means your own needs are neglected?

If you aren’t practicing self-care, you’re missing out on a valuable opportunity to build your confidence.

Especially for us HSPs and empaths, it can be difficult to take time for ourselves.

But, remember that self-care is not selfish. It is essential for your well-being.

In addition to eating healthy, exercising and meditating, you’ve got to fuel your mental, emotional and spiritual health as well.

Learning new things, doing gratitude exercises, journaling, having a "self-care day”, treating yourself to a massage, and scheduling time off for yourself are all forms of self-care that can help to boost your confidence (and lower your anxiety).

15. Affirmations Build Confidence

Affirmations for self-esteem are a great way to build confidence.

Your subconscious mind is basically a huge storage locker that contains all your memories, thoughts, beliefs, and basically everything that has ever happened to you.

As you could imagine, this is way too much information to keep in the forefront at all times!

So, your subconscious relies upon your conscious mind to direct it - it obeys without question.

Hence, we can change our limiting beliefs and reprogram our subconscious mind through conscious thought/ messages– affirmations.

There are plenty of confidence building affirmations like:

16. Get creative to be more confident

Creativity, like confidence, is a skill that can be practiced and improved.

If you think, “I’m just not the creative type”, think again! You can learn to be more creative.

Allowing yourself to be creative is a great confidence building exercise.

It’s an opportunity for you to express yourself and perhaps even surprise yourself.

If you have trouble being courageous in your life, start by unleashing your creativity.

Whatever you choose to do, you don’t have to share it with anyone else.

Just be free enough to allow your creative juices to flow. It just might introduce you to your inner genius.

Confidence Building Tip #17. Self-Compassion

*For more confidence-building tips, check out these motivational TED Talks on Confidence.

Share this & help someone else!

Typically, it’s the older generations imparting their wisdom and advice to the younger ones.

But, I think it’s time to switch things up.

There's so much that millennials (and the rest of us) can learn from Gen Z!

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from the "zoomers" so far is that sometimes it’s better to keep things short and sweet.

So, this blog post will be much somewhat shorter than my usual long-winded 3,000+ word articles!

Without further ado, let’s get started...

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3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

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 Check out the Freebie Library!
(a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable self-help content)

1. Gen Z is Confident 

I struggled a lot with self-esteem when I was a teenager.

Constantly trying to live up to impossible standards for how to look and act was exhausting!

And it didn’t help that people were so cliquey.

Once someone in the “popular group” decided to shun or pick on someone, everyone else would usually join in.

Not me.

I felt a duty (and still do) to stick up for the underdog, fight for the oppressed and befriend the outsiders.

Well, thank goodness Generation Z is not so concerned with social conformity!

An important lesson that we can learn from Gen Z is that you should just be yourself.

Gen Zs know who they are and they’re not afraid to be unique.

They are unapologetically confident in themselves and also unwaveringly accepting of others.

2. They Are Accepting

I come from a diverse background. My family is a melting pot of Greek, African American, Native American, Irish and English.

When I was growing up, I got made fun of a lot.

For my difficult-to-pronounce ethnic name.

For my thick, curly hair.

Basically, for anything that made me different.

According to researchers at XYZ University, it’s not really like that anymore.

Gen Zs celebrate their own uniqueness but also accept others’ differences.

They reject bullying, along with gender norms. They realize that “geeks” and “nerds” are often the ones with the most financially successful careers.

Gen Zs are more likely to be accepting of someone else for who they really are, even if it’s different or it doesn’t fit into society’s standards.

Also, Generation Z is more divided more along political lines than racial.

A Goldman Sachs research analyst predicts that over half of kids in America will belong to a minority racial/ethnic group by 2020.

3. Gen Z is Adaptable

I was born in 1982, so I’m what stand-up comedian Iliza Shlesinger would call an “elder millennial”.

Being on the cusp allowed me to really see the differences between one era and the next.

I lived through the time of land line phones, audio cassette tapes, beepers and Blockbuster.

But, I also lived through the time of cell phones, mp3s, iPads and Netflix.

Like many millennials, I saw the change happening but it felt like there was no way to truly prepare for it.

Our lives were already on a certain trajectory (go to college, get a respectable job) and we were determined to see it through.

Generation Z only has firsthand knowledge of a world in which information is easily accessible, everyone’s lives are on display, and there are digital representations of almost everything in the physical world.

But, because they witnessed Millennials work towards something their whole lives only to have it “not matter”, Gen Z is determined not to suffer the same plight.

They know that they will have to adapt to all the technological advancements in order to succeed in the future … and they're prepared to do so.

4. Zoomers are Pragmatic

This brings me to the next lesson that millennials can learn from Gen Z.

Merriam Webster defines pragmatism as a practical approach to problems and affairs.

Contrary to the lazy stereotype, Generation Z is actually willing to put in the hard work necessary to succeed.

Generation Z is also more frugal than their millennial and Gen X predecessors.

They know that in order to make money, they have to work hard, but that hard work does not necessarily equal success.

And they don’t want to squander their hard-earned money on things that will not benefit them in the long run (like name-brand clothing).

They are not so easily suckered into sponsored ads, big brands and celebrity endorsement.

They’re more influenced by their peers and social media influencers.

Here are some interesting Gen Z statistics from Jay Baer at Convince & Convert:

5. They’re Independent Thinkers

Millennials were told that the formula for success was:

Go to college + Get a degree = Get a respectable job making lots of money with benefits.

Well, that didn’t go as planned, now did it?

Millennials are the first generation to be poorer and generally less successful than their parents.

Generation Z knows they don’t have to follow the formula.

They can make their own.

So, the next lesson millennials can learn from Gen Z is that only you can decide what’s best for you.

And it may not be what everyone seems to think is right. It may be unconventional or even unheard of.

Members of Generation Z are more likely to be entrepreneurs than millennials. According to one study of 4,769 high school and college students, 72% of high school students say they want to start their own business some day.

They don’t want to be overeducated, underemployed and in debt like their millennial predecessors.

Although most zoomers are still going to college, they realize that higher education is not the only option.

And they are more willing to explore non-traditional forms of education such as online university, blog courses, etc.

They’ve seen people succeed in unconventional ways and they are confident in their ability to do the same.

6. Gen Z is Socially and Politically Conscious

I distinctly remember many of my peers being uninterested in politics and unconcerned about social issues.

I tried to raise awareness of issues that are important to me like animal welfare, but no one seemed to care too much.

Well, times have changed.

Gen Z is both politically and socially conscious.

A recent study (Generation Z: Unique and Powerful) found that more than half of Generation Z favors socially-conscious brands like Tom’s, Burt’s Bees, Starbucks, and Ben & Jerry’s.

Gen Zs are also determined to make a positive impact on the world themselves.

They are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and they do not doubt their ability to bring about change.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the laudable, courageous kids from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School who protested gun violence and called for reform.

These kids are not impressed by titles. They’re not afraid to speak out.

Check out this quote from one of the Parkland survivors and activists:

"We don’t respect people just because we have to [and] don’t respect you just because you have “Senator” in front of your name … and we don't let people steamroll over us. We have voices and we use them for good.”

7. They Are Active & Adventurous

Generation Z is more active and adventurous than their millennial predecessors.

This perhaps has something to do with the fact that Gen Z is more stressed out than Millennials, Gen X and Baby Boomers.

Gen Z has reported the worst overall mental health among these generations, according to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America: Stress and Generation Z report.

Consider this sobering statistic:

• 91% of Gen Zs between 18 and 21 report having experienced at least one physical or emotional symptom due to stress in the past month compared to 74% of adults overall

And while one in five adults say they are not doing enough to manage their stress, Gen Z is actively looking for natural ways to reduce stress and anxiety.

8. Generation Z is Creative

Unlike generations that came before, Gen Z has all the information they could ever want at their fingertips.

They don’t have to spend as much time hunting down answers to their questions. Everything is readily accessible.

The skills necessary for today’s workforce have changed.

Gone are the days when you could get by on merit or test scores alone.

Now, employers are looking for:

According to the VP of a social media digital agency, approximately 80% of Gen Zs consider being creative an important aspect of their lives.

That makes sense considering the kind of creativity it requires to post carefully crafted pictures, selfies and videos on social media!

9. Gen Z Defines Success for Themselves

In one survey, 1,395 Gen Zs  were asked what words they would use to describe success.

The words most frequently written were “Happiness” and “Hard Work”.

So, this last lesson we can take away from Gen Z is perhaps the most important:

Pursue your own definition of success.

If you’re a regular reader here on 3D Success, you know how much I believe in defining success for yourself.

My Personal Success Story

I graduated from college, went to law school, passed the Bar exam and got a Masters' degree in Public International Law while living abroad in The Hague ... all based on the premise that formal education was the key to success.

But, by the time I graduated in 2011 (just in time for the recession, yay!), that formula I mentioned earlier had changed.

Higher education and advanced degrees no longer guarantee entry-level employment, let alone a lucrative career. 

I applied to over 1,000 jobs to no avail.

I tried everything - online applications, indeed.com, cold calling, in person drop-ins, reaching out to former classmates.

Nothing worked. I just kept getting rejection after rejection after rejection. 

I was considered "underqualified" for all the legal jobs (no experience or connections), but "overqualified" for all the other kinds of jobs (too much education).

After years of anxiety and depression, I stopped trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do and started thinking outside the box.

I used the opportunity to travel, spend time in nature and work some manual labor jobs, eventually retiring from the practice of law altogether when I moved out of state.

And to a large extent, that change in direction saved my life. 

Now, I'm a freelance writer and the founder of this blog and I absolutely love what I do.

I've learned a lot about myself (and continue to do so), about managing anxiety and emotions, about limiting beliefs, goal-setting, the power of mindset, about life.

Things happen for a reason. In hindsight, I don't think I was ever meant to practice law.

As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!

What Do You Really Want Out of Life?

If I would have stopped for a moment to analyze the situation and decide what I really wanted for myself (and not what society told me to want), I might have realized what I needed to do a lot sooner. 

It's something that Gen Z probably already knows:

If you want to live a fulfilling, purpose-driven life that makes you happy, then you've got to pursue your own definition of success.

Over to you … what word would you use to describe success? Let me know in the comments!

Share this & help someone else!

How well do you know yourself?

I mean, you probably know things like what your favorite color is, what your pet peeves are, and what you want to watch on Netflix later.

But, how much time have you actually taken to really get to know yourself?

To achieve the kind of success that’s right for you, you must first get to the heart of who you truly are and what you believe in!

Knowing your core values, interests, strengths and goals helps you to:

And of course, in order to change something, you must first be aware of it. 

The more you understand it, the more you will be able to control it.

So, if there’s anything you’d like to improve – career, finances, relationships, health, spirituality, your confidence, yourself – you’ve got to know where you are starting from and where you want to go.

If you’re interested in seeing how well you know yourself and getting to know yourself better, here are 71 questions designed to help you do just that!

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3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

A Quick Note About the Dangers of Self-Improvement

I want to quickly address something important.

This blog is about personal development.

It’s about becoming a better person, increasing your productivity, adopting habits of success, and managing all the stress and anxiety that comes along with those pursuits.

But, in this never-ending quest for self-improvement, I don’t want any of us to forget that we are enough. Just as we are.

Your worth is not measured by titles, material possessions, beauty, social status, or any other extrinsic accomplishments.

And you are more than just your thoughts -which are not facts, and emotions -which are temporary and malleable.

So, let’s remember that we are all unique, miraculous beings already. Just as we are.

The more we can accept ourselves just as we are (in a compassionate, self-love sort of way, not in a conceited, state of denial sort of way), the more we will be able to help ourselves improve.

And we have all the tools at our disposal to grow and change and try new things and become better and fail and learn and succeed!

Just don’t forget that this life is a precious (and fleeting) gift that is meant to be enjoyed.

It’s great to aspire but it’s equally important to be mindful and grateful.

If you have difficulty accepting yourself for who you are or being compassionate towards yourself, try practicing mindful meditation.

It helps you to witness, but not judge your thoughts and emotions … which leads to better understanding and acceptance.

Perception and Metaperception

Have you ever given a speech and been soooo nervous but afterwards your friend told you that you did great and they couldn’t even tell?

That’s because of the “illusion of transparency”!

We think everyone can tell what’s going on inside of us because it seems so obvious.

But, the truth is probably that when our palms are sweating, our hearts are racing and our thoughts are going a million miles an hour – no one knows.

We’re not as transparent as we think.

How you think others view you comes more from how you view yourself than anything else.

When it comes to who you are, there’s how:

The more you get to know yourself, the more you will be able to accurately interpret how others see you.

Then you can decide if that’s who you really are or how you want to be seen and change things if necessary/desirable.

So, try and be as honest as possible with yourself about these questions!

How Well Do You Know Yourself? 71 Insightful Questions

Get to Know Yourself: Questions 1-15

1. What are you afraid of?

2. What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

3. Are you typically bold or risk averse?

4. What are some causes you believe in? (animal rights, environmental protection, gun laws, etc.)

5. What are some things you want to work on/learn about? (being more productive, building confidence, reducing stress & anxiety)

6. Are you generally decisive or do you struggle to make decisions?

7. What keeps you up at night? (injustice, cruelty, health, living up to expectations, student loan debt, etc.)

8. What kind of life did you envision for yourself when you were younger?

9. Do you often trust your gut/intuition?

10. Do you have any limiting beliefs?

11. What would you do if you had six months to live?

12. Do you have any regrets?

13. What regrets do you want to avoid having in the future?

14. What does your ideal life look like?

15. Whose advice/opinions do you value the most? (parents, experts, YouTube stars, peers, spouse, etc.)

Questions 16-31

16. What has been your greatest accomplishment in life so far?

17. Your biggest failure?

18. What was the most difficult decision you’ve ever had to make?

19. Who or what inspires you?

20. Do you have any favorite quotes and what do they say about you?

21. How is your social image different from who you really are?

22. How do you want to be perceived?

23. Do you frequently get overwhelmed? 

24. What’s something people often misunderstand about you?

25. Do you think it is more important to follow the rules or to do what you think is right?

26. Do you believe in your ability to accomplish your goals?

27. What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

28. What message do you have for your future self?

29. What’s your “why”?

30. Do you believe you have a purpose & if so, what is it?

31. What makes you happy?

Get to Know Yourself: Questions 32-47

32. What are you grateful for?

33. What’s your favorite book & what does that tell you about yourself? (one of mine is The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss)

34. Do you prefer to work alone or to collaborate?

35. What sort of things do you like to do? (DIY projects, sports, going out to eat, etc.)

36. Do you like your job? Why/why not?

37. What are some qualities about others that bother you? Why?

38. What qualities do you admire in others? Why?

39. Are you more of an optimist, pessimist, realist, dreamer or pragmatist?

40. What are some of your best qualities? Worst?

41. What kind of career do you want? (work for a philanthropic company, start your own business, etc.)

42. What’s most important to you in terms of your career (the company’s mission, opportunity for advancement, stability, salary, etc.)

43. Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5? Even further down the road?

44. What stresses you out (public speaking, being around people, sensory overload, etc.) & how can you use that stress to your advantage?

45. Do you like to try new things?

46. Do you feel stuck in any areas of your life?

47. What are your insecurities?

Questions 48-63

48. What are your core values?

49. When are you in the “flow”?

50. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

51. What makes you unique?

52. What have you learned from your failures?

53. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

54. What is the meaning of life?

55. When are you most confident?

56. How have you changed in the past year? 5 years?

57. What makes you proud?

58. What makes you mad/frustrated?

59. Do you think most people are basically good or evil? 

60. What’s your political stance?

61. What higher power, if any, do you believe in?

62. What’s your biggest goal right now?

63. What makes you emotional?

Get to Know Yourself: Questions 64-71

64. What’s something you’ve never done and would like to do?

65. What would you do if you won the lottery?

66. Are you willing to work hard for what you want?

67. Do you think you have the ability to change/improve?

68. What is your greatest challenge right now?

69. Do you work well under pressure? How's your time management?

70. What things from your childhood have had the most impact on who you are today?

71. What’s your definition of success?

Continue Getting to Know Yourself

Life is constantly moving; things are always changing.

What was true six months ago may not be true anymore.

So, don’t put yourself in a box!

Notice how your experiences are shaping you and give yourself room to grow.

Come back to this list every so often and answer the questions again. You might be surprised how much has changed!

Over to you … any questions to get to know yourself better that I didn’t include? Please leave them in the comments!

Do you know how powerful your beliefs are?

Like your mindset, they play a pivotal role in shaping your reality.

Beliefs permeate almost everything – your belief system is the foundation upon which all your thoughts, decisions and actions are built.

Some beliefs allow you to be more productive, more confident, more resilient. They help you to become your best self and create a life you love.

For example, having a high level of self-efficacy (believing in your ability to achieve your goals) is the most powerful predictor of success. 

But, others just hold you back from the success and happiness you deserve – these are called limiting beliefs. They stem from fear and self-doubt.

It’s time to get unstuck and get rid of those limiting beliefs that hold you back from success!

Replace them with empowering beliefs, rooted in confidence and optimism, that will help you achieve your definition of success.

Here is a Limiting Beliefs Worksheet to help you overcome the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from success. I've also included all the limiting beliefs examples from this article.

  Sign up to get it free now!  

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Here are 10 Examples of Limiting Beliefs that Hold you Back from Success:

Limiting Belief #1: “I’m not ready” 

A lot of us fall prey to this one. We wait until we’re “ready”.

But, “ready” is an illusion.

You’ll probably never feel truly ready, especially when you’re taking a big step.

There will constantly be things you’ll want to prepare for, things you don’t feel like you can face just yet.

But, if you’re serious about starting your blog, becoming an entrepreneur, or making any other life changes, the best time to start is now.

You can figure everything out along the way.

You won’t be perfect anyway when you’re a beginner. Or be able to predict what’s going to happen. No matter how much you procrastinate prepare.

If you wait to pursue your passion, you may never do it at all.

Sometimes, the difference between success and failure is having/building the confidence to take that first leap.

So, start now.

Use your fear/anxiety to your advantage.

Don't let limiting beliefs hold you back from living your best life. 

Limiting Belief #2: “I can’t pursue my dreams because I might fail” 

Society has taught us that failure is bad, that it is something to be ashamed of, that it is proof of something we did wrong.

But the truth is that failure is an inevitable part of success.

Whenever you go after big goals, you will fail at some point.

And that’s a good thing! Those failures provide you with the lessons you need to succeed.

No one just starts out being successful before they even try anything.

It’s the trial and error, the learning from mistakes, the perseverance through adversity that leads to eventual success.

When you see someone successful whom you admire, just remember that a lot of things happened in order for them to get there that you don’t know about.

They may seem like an untouchable guru now, but they weren’t always.

That person started out as a beginner.

Just like you.

There was a lot of hard work, rejection and failure going on under the surface before they rose to success.

When you accept failure as a necessary part of success, you allow yourself the opportunity to succeed.

Limiting Beliefs That Hold You Back #3: “I can’t” 

Can’t is such a limiting word. It’s so negative, so definitive, so final.

Thinking you can’t do something is a very self-defeating mindset that does not invite success. It is one of the most insidious limiting beliefs that hold you back.

And the thing is, lots of times it isn’t even true!

The statement “I can’t” can be turned around with one simple word… YET.

I can’t quit my job YET, I can’t build a website YET, I can’t retire YET.

“Yet” leaves the door open for possibility, it assumes that you can in the future – a much more positive mindset.

So, the next time you find yourself saying you can’t do something, instead say, “I can’t do it yet.

*For confidence-building tips and motivation, check out these 5 TED Talks on Confidence.

Limiting Belief #4: “Everything has to be perfect”

Do you strive for perfection?

Set unrealistically high standards for yourself?

And then get upset with yourself when you can’t reach them?

If so, you may be a perfectionist.

And while on the surface, this seems like a good thing – you excel in school, you’re a top performer at work, you never let anyone down, etc. ... it’s actually one of the limiting beliefs that hold you back from success.

If you’re constantly trying to control the uncontrollable, you will suffer from stress, anxiety and perhaps a whole host of other health problems.

When anything short of perfect is not good enough, you have a pretty limited scope because – newsflash: nothing is perfect.

Let go of perfectionism and realize that your best is good enough.

Limiting Belief #5: “It’s too late”

We’ve been taught that certain things must be accomplished by a certain age.

I ("late bloomer") did none of them. For example, in your:

The truth is that each of our lives unfolds differently. Things don’t happen at the same time or in the same way for everyone.

Just because you haven’t achieved something by the time society tells you that you should have, doesn’t mean it’s "too late".

You’ve still got some life left to live … use that time wisely!

As long as you’re alive, you can try.

There are countless individuals who achieved success later in life. Here are a few:

Limiting Beliefs That Hold You Back from Success #6: “That’s just the way things are”

There are times when it’s appropriate to say, “it is what it is” and surrender to the flow of the universe.

Accepting a life that’s less than desirable is not one of them.

Seeing outcomes as fixed is a surefire way to put a cap on your success. 

Most things can be changed with time and effort … even your brain. Thanks to neuroplasticity, you can change your thoughts, reactions and behaviors. 

So, snap out of that state of learned helplessness and realize that you are in control of your life. You have the power to change the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from reaching your goals. 

Limiting Belief #7: “I’m not good enough”

This limiting belief typically stems from making unhealthy comparisons.

Like comparing your beginning to someone else’s end. Or comparing yourself to someone else at all!

The only fair comparison we can make is to compare who you are today to who you were yesterday.

In today’s age of social media, we only see the parts of people’s lives they allow us to see.

Then we take their “highlight reels” and compare them to our “behind the scenes” – apples to oranges.

In a 2016 study of 1,000+ participants, those who took a one week break from Facebook reported greater life satisfaction and more positive emotional states. Maybe it's time for a social media break? 

None of the criticisms you faced, failures you endured or rejections you dealt with are reflections upon your self-worth.

You don’t have to do a single thing to be “good enough”.

You're inherently enough just by virtue of you being you. Always have been, always will be. 

Limiting Belief #8: “I’m not motivated”

A lot of people think they lack the motivation to get the things they truly want in life.

But, it’s not a lack of motivation. It’s a lack of direction.

If you have trouble achieving the goals you set for yourself, it probably has something to do with the goal itself.

Goal setting can be tricky.

You have to set a Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal (BHAG).

But, then you’ve got to:

1. chunk that BHAG down into manageable tasks.

2. make sure that your goals are S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound).

3. Make sure your goals are intrinsic; they should mean something to you personally.

When you have a clear “why”, you have all the motivation you need to succeed.

Limiting Belief #9: “There’s a limited amount of money/success/joy and it’s hard to come by” 

This limiting belief is rooted in a scarcity mindset.

A scarcity mindset is premised on the belief that money, success, etc. are all finite resources … not everyone can have them and they are hard to come by.

When you believe there is a deficit, you focus on the negative. You become stressed and anxious, trying to get your share and not lose it.

This only invites more stress and anxiety into your life as you fight a never-ending battle against the universe. It's  a limiting belief that holds you back from your maximum potential. 

On the other hand, when you operate from an abundance mindset, you know that there is more than enough for everyone. You focus on the positive and do not act from a place of fear.

When you are grateful for what you have and believe that there is an abundance of it, you will attract more of it into your life.

How to Defeat the Limiting Beliefs that Are Holding You Back from Success

Think about what you really want … your big life goals.

What does your dream life look like?

Is there anything you think you can’t achieve?

If so, examine those things to see if they are truly impossible or if you only think they are because of an underlying limiting belief.

Once you identify your limiting beliefs, you can challenge them and release them.

What Made You Believe It?

Try to pinpoint what it was that made you start believing the limiting belief.

Some can be traced back to one pivotal event while others are a result of several life experiences.

But, more often than not, we as humans tend to overgeneralize. It’s just the way our brains work.

We are constantly bombarded with more information than our brains can process.

To continue operating efficiently, our brains take cognitive shortcuts – otherwise known as heuristics.

These mental shortcuts help us to make decisions or solve problems by relying on the existing information we already have.

While heuristics certainly help to simplify our decisions, they can also give rise to limiting beliefs that hold us back.

Sometimes our brain doesn't have enough information to come to a logical conclusion, so it just uses what it has.

For example, you may think something occurs more frequently than it really does simply because you are able to remember it easily: 

“My aunt smoked for 30 years and didn’t get cancer” (availability heuristic).

Or you may misjudge the likelihood of something based on your existing idea of what it should be:

“The defendant probably committed the crime because he looks like a criminal” (representativeness heuristic).

Is the Belief Serving You?

If the belief isn’t serving you, why hold onto it?

Consider all the negative consequences that limiting belief has caused or contributed to.

Has it held you back from pursuing your dreams? From achieving the success you know you deserve?

Now, consider all the possibilities that would open up if were not true.

For example instead of thinking, “I’m not good at anything”, think, “My intelligence and creative ability can be developed”.

You don’t have to be a prisoner to the fear and self-doubt of limiting beliefs that hold you back in life. You can choose to adopt a different perspective – one that is supportive of you and your goals.

Replace Limiting Beliefs with Empowering Beliefs

So, you’ve identified your limiting beliefs and decided that they are no longer serving you.

Now, it’s time to replace them with empowering beliefs that will help you succeed. Here are some examples using the 10 limiting beliefs I discussed earlier:

Limiting Belief that Holds You Back vs. Empowering Belief that Supports Your Success

•  I’m not ready  =>  The best time to start is now
•  I can’t pursue my dreams because I might fail  =>  Failure is an inevitable part of success
• I can’t  =>  I can’t YET
• Everything has to be perfect  =>  My best is good enough
• It’s too late  =>  As long as I’m alive, I can try
• That’s just how things are  =>  I am in control of my life
• I’m not good enough  =>  I am enough; always have been, always will be
• I’m not motivated  =>  I set achievable intrinsic goals with a clear “why”
• There’s a limited amount of money/success/joy and it’s hard to come by  =>  There is an abundance of money/success/joy that flows to me constantly and effortlessly
• Self-care is selfish  =>  I’ve got to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone/anything else

Strengthen Your New Beliefs

Once you’ve replaced your limiting beliefs with empowering ones, strengthen those new beliefs with thoughts, affirmations, role models, actions, inspirational quotes … whatever helps to reinforce it in your mind.

Here are Limiting Beliefs Worksheets to help you overcome the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from success. I've also included all the limiting beliefs examples from this article. 

  Sign up to get it free now!

I hope it helps you to identify and change all the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from success!

Over to you … what limiting belief do you think holds people back the most? Let me know in the comments!

Share this & help someone else!

Is it true that confidence is the key to success?

Well, let me ask you a quick question -

What's the most powerful predictor of success? Is it:

a. Intelligence (what you know)
b. Connections (who you know)
c. Work Ethic (how hard you work/how productive you are)
d. None of the above

If you answered d, some leading psychology experts would agree with you!

While intelligence, connections and work ethic are certainly helpful, confidence – or more accurately, self-efficacy - is actually the most powerful predictor of success.

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What Is Self-Efficacy? (This type of confidence is the key to success)

Before we get started, it’s worth noting the subtle distinction between self-confidence and self-efficacy. 

Self-confidence refers to the assuredness in oneself regarding physical appearance, intelligence, skills, or myriad other characteristics.

It boils down to one general question: “Do you believe in yourself?”

Self-efficacy asks a more specific question: “Do you believe in your ability to achieve your goals?”

According to Psychologist Albert Bandura, people with high self-efficacy are more likely to succeed.

He defines self-efficacy as, “the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations." 

Author and Stanford d. School creator David Kelley actually met with Bandura to discuss his high success rate with curing phobias ... check out his TED Talk on Confidence (along with 4 other best TED Talks on confidence). 

Now, here's why this particular type of confidence is the key to success:

1. You expect success

Expecting success is a habit of highly successful people.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy – if you expect success, success is exactly what you will get.

People who are generally optimistic tend to be more successful and live longer, healthier lives. 

They believe they will succeed, and that belief gives them that extra boost they need to achieve their big goals despite the obstacles.

Optimism helps you to deal with the adversity that you will inevitably encounter while pursuing your big goals in life.

Because you’re focused on the positive, you’re able to see the silver lining in bad situations.

You’re able to learn from your mistakes instead of letting them stop you from trying again (a huge goal setting mistake). This type of humble self confidence is the key to success.

It allows you to keep learning and adapting in order to create a life you don't need a vacation from.

Expecting success typically comes from an abundance mindset, one that is premised upon the belief that there is more than enough of everything for everyone …  

as opposed to the scarcity mentality, which is based on the view that opportunities in life are few and far between.

An abundance mindset unshackles one from all the stress and anxiety that comes with thinking, “This is my only shot”, “I blew my only chance", or “There’s not enough of this to go around”.

When you have an abundance mindset, it’s win-win, not zero-sum.

You know there will be more opportunities.

You embrace the art of surrender, releasing things that are out of your control and allowing things to unfold naturally.

Free from the burdens of scarcity, you’re able to perform better, thus increasing your chances of success.

2. You take risks

When you have confidence that your unique strengths will facilitate your success, you are able to step outside of your comfort zone and do the scary things necessary to succeed.

Taking risks is yet another habit of the highly successful.

It’s not that people with high self-efficacy aren’t scared to take risks, they just don’t let fear hold them back.

Instead, they turn it into fuel for success.

They trust that they will be able to face challenges and prevail – this is precisely the type of self- confidence that is key to success.

Those with low self-efficacy, on the other hand, doubt their capabilities and view challenges as threats to be avoided.

They therefore tend to shy away from pursuing big goals ... No risk=no reward.

In some of my other articles, I reference the BHAG – Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal.

It’s a term created by two Stanford professors when they discovered that highly successful, enduring companies had something in common – they all set big, ambitious, long-term goals.

When you have assurance in your capabilities, you have the confidence to set the BHAGs necessary for extraordinary success.

You don’t set small goals that sell yourself short. You dream big.

And as they say, fortune favors the bold.

3. You persevere through adversity

The final reason why this type of confidence is the key to success is that when you have high self-efficacy, you persevere.

Success is not often easily achieved – it’s usually preceded by lots of failures.

The ability to bounce back from those setbacks is what sets successful people apart.

Many highly successful people say perseverance is what got them to where they are today.

People with high perceived self-efficacy are not easily discouraged by failure.

They believe that the difference between success and failure is one more try.

When you have a strong sense of efficacy, you have the grit, determination and resilience to keep going in the face of adversity because you believe that you will eventually prevail.

You understand that your failures are not reflections of your self-worth and capabilities, but rather learning opportunities that only increase your chances of success in the future.

This is where having a growth mindset goes hand in hand with self-efficacy – it’s all about taking advantage of learning opportunities.  

When you believe that your talents can be developed (rather than that your talents are innate), you work on developing them – which makes you more likely to achieve your goal.

Confidence is the key to success because your mind is a powerful thing. Your beliefs and expectations can have more of an impact on the outcome than your aptitude.

You perform better if you believe you will perform well.

How to Improve Your Self-Efficacy (this type of confidence is the key to success) 

Don’t worry if your level of self-efficacy is not as high as you’d like it to be.

As with any type of confidence, it’s a skill that can be learned, practiced and improved.

Bandura identifies four sources of self-efficacy:

1. Mastery 

The first and most effective way to boost self-efficacy is through mastery experiences.

The more goals you achieve, the more your perceived self-efficacy will improve.

When you perform tasks successfully, especially in the face of adversity, you prove to yourself that you are capable of succeeding.

That’s why it’s so important to chunk your BHAG down into manageable tasks – it gives you the opportunity to have more mastery experiences.

You don’t need to “master” (don’t let that word intimidate you!) anything monumental; even small accomplishments are powerful motivators.

Mastery experiences, however small, help to improve your perceived self-efficacy.

The more small wins you accumulate, the more you will believe in your ability to succeed in whatever you set out to accomplish.

It’s important to note that pursuing a big goal is an inherently unpredictable quest.

But, one thing that’s almost guaranteed at some point, on some level, is – failure.

Failures do undermine self-efficacy, especially in the beginning.

But, if you can just plug through some tough times, you’ll emerge stronger … and more successful.

By putting in sustained effort despite setbacks, you build resilience and perseverance, the very skills you need to succeed.

2. Vicarious experiences 

Bandura’s social learning theory posits that people learn through observation (otherwise known as vicarious reinforcement).

When you see other people similar to you succeeding, you experience their success vicariously. Seeing them succeed makes you think, “If they can do it, so can I!”

The more similar the person is to you, the more they influence your self-efficacy – for better or worse.

If you see someone similar to you putting in sustained effort and succeeding, it raises your perceived self-efficacy.

But, if you see them failing, you doubt your ability to accomplish what they could not.

Therefore, you should be selective when it comes to who you choose to surround yourself with.

Positive role models can help you develop the type of confidence that is key to your success, whereas negative ones can bring you down and stunt your growth.

According to Bandura, social models not only provide a standard by which to measure your own success, but they can also impart hard-won knowledge upon those who are willing to study their methods.

So, not only do positive social models help to increase your perceived self-efficacy, they also help you to actually be more effective.

3. Social persuasion 

Verbal encouragement goes a long way when it comes to developing the type of confidence that’s key to success.

When you’re trying to reach your goals, especially as an entrepreneur, you need a support system.

To increase your chances of success, surround yourself with like-minded peers with a “rising tide raises all ships” mentality.

These people will be there to motivate you. They’ll persuade you that you do in fact possess what it takes to succeed.

That social persuasion may be just the boost you need to keep going when times get tough.

And when you succeed in the face of adversity, you’ll have more faith in your abilities in the future.

More success = More confidence (increased perceived self-efficacy).

But while highly successful people have role models and support systems, they do not measure their success by comparing themselves to others.

They understand the importance of setting intrinsic goals – ones that align with their true purpose, rather than ones that seek external validation.

To effectively increase your perceived self-efficacy, avoid comparing yourself to others or measuring success in terms of triumphs over others.

Rather, measure success in terms of self-improvement.

4. Emotional control 

Stress plays an important role when it comes to perceived self-efficacy.

But, it’s not the stressful experiences themselves that’s harmful to our confidence. It’s the perception of those stressful experiences.

Negative circumstances befall us all – how you perceive and respond to those circumstances is what’s important.

If you can control the emotions that drive your decisions, you’ll have an advantage when it comes to reaching your goals.

If you perceive your stress reaction as your body’s way of preparing you to perform well rather than as an indication that you will perform poorly, you will be more likely to perform well and, consequently, more likely to succeed.

Reframing is therefore one way to develop the type of confidence that’s imperative for success. If you get butterflies in your stomach before public speaking, choose to perceive that as excitement rather than nervousness.

You can control your emotions and change your brain through your thoughts and actions – it’s called neuroplasticity.

According to a study on lottery winners and paraplegics, extreme events (positive or negative) only temporarily affect happiness.

We all eventually return to our genetic “happiness set point” and the rest is pretty much up to you.

Happy people choose to focus on the good, no matter what happens.

According to Bandura, simply being in a good mood can increase perceived self-efficacy. So, do things that make you happy!

Do things that make you happy --> Your perceived self-efficacy increases --> You are more likely to succeed.

Conclusion: Developing a strong sense of self-efficacy  is key to success because when you are confident in your abilities, you:

• expect success
• take risks, and
• persevere through adversity

Self-efficacy is a type of confidence – a skill that can be learned and developed through:

• mastery
• vicarious experiences
• social persuasion, and
• emotional control

Over to you – do you think confidence is the key to success? Or, what has been the key to your success? Let me know in the comments!

Looking for some quotes to boost your confidence? You're in the right place!

It's that time of the year when we start evaluating our lives.

Seeing what needs improvement. Making changes. Deciding which new challenges to take on.

So, what about you - will 2019 be the year you achieve your big life goal?

Adopt some habits of highly successful people?

Learn how to better manage stress and anxiety?

Finally ditch that 9-5 and become an entrepreneur? 

Simplify your life and get back to the basics?

Increase your productivity and get more done in less time?

Whatever your goals are, one thing that definitely increases your chances of success - some would argue more than anything else - is confidence. 

And we could all use some motivational words of wisdom to boost our confidence from time to time! 

*If you're looking for some inspirational quotes about life, love and happiness, check out this post!*

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3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

Here are 50 motivational quotes to boost your confidence and help you reach your goals:

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(a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable self-help content)

1.  "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

2.  "Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something inside them- a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." –Muhammad Ali

3.  "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -Max Planck, Nobel Prize Winner (physics)

4.  "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” –Albert Einstein

5.  "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the life you are capable of living." -Nelson Mandela

6.  “F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget everything and run or face everything and rise. The choice is yours.” -Zig Ziglar

7.  “If one advances confidently in the directions, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” –Henry David Thoreau

8.  “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”- J.K Rowling

9.  "Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained." -Marie Curie

10.  "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” -Oscar Wilde

Quotes to Motivate You and Increase Your Confidence

11.  "Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves." -Dale Carnegie 

12.  "Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." -Author Unknown

13.  "He conquers who endures." -Persius

14.  "Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how well you bounce." - Author Unknown

15.  "Try to discover
The road to success
And you'll seek but never find,
But blaze your own path
And the road to success
Will trail right behind. -Robert Brault

16.  “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” -Elbert Hubbard

17.  "What you think you become. What you feel you attract. What you imagine, you create." –Buddha

18.  "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." –Albert Schweitzer

19.  "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." –Jack Canfield

20. “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” –Nelson Mandela

Motivational Quotes that Will Improve Your Confidence

Boost your confidence with these quotes (continued)... 

21.  "One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation." -Arthur Ashe

22.  “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

23.  "As far as self-confidence goes, so much of social media is about approval, getting likes, comparing our lives to others' - meanwhile, confidence is an inside job: it's about how you feel about yourself regardless of what anyone else does or thinks. It's a knowing that you're human, you're flawed, and you're awesome in your own way." -Jen Sincero

24.  "Learn how to take criticism seriously but not personally." –Hillary Clinton

25.  "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" -Marianne Williamson

26.  "If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."  –Winnie the Pooh

27.  "Who taught you to be small? [T]hat these cracks were flaws? Taught you that your light couldn’t shine through the fractures and scars? Who told you to accept what you were given and did not want? Told you that any love was better than searching for the one only meant for you? The one that has always been inside yourself. Do not listen to them." –Tyler Kent White

28.  “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” -E.E. Cummings

29.  “Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.” -Marcus Aurelius

30. “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” -Sylvia Plath

Inspirational Quotes for Self-Esteem

Inspirational quotes to help boost your confidence (continued)...

31.  Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life but define yourself.” -Harvey Fierstein

32.  "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do." -Eleanor Roosevelt“

33.  "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

34.  "People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

35.  "Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have." -Brian Tracy

36.  “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” -Maya Angelou

37.  “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” –Dalai Lama

38.  “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming…. Wow! What a ride!” -Hunter S. Thompson

39.  "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind." –Dr. Seuss

40.  "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." -Les Brown

Motivational Quotes to Boost Your Confidence

I hope these quotes managed to boost your confidence!

Do you have any motivational quotes for confidence? Leave them in the comments! 

Share this & help someone else!

It takes a lot of grit to pursue your dreams and rebel against the status quo.

As entrepreneurs (or aspiring entrepreneurs), we know how important it is to be more confident when it comes to trying to reach our big goals in life.

But, sometimes it can be hard to cultivate or maintain that confidence.

Especially in the beginning when the fruits of your labor have not yet manifested, it seems like there's not enough hours in the day, and you’ve been facing rejection after rejection.  

Fortunately, confidence is a skill that can be learned, practiced and improved.

Here are 12 ways to be more confident with yourself as an entrepreneur:

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1. Define what you do (or what you want to do)

As an entrepreneur, it can be hard to answer the question, “What do you do?”

We tend to be humble and modest – qualities that cause us to not give ourselves credit where credit is due.

We’re hesitant to say, “I’m a writer” or “I’m an artist.” But, saying these things aloud can give you a surprising boost of confidence – try it next time someone asks you what you do!

I don’t believe you need to be published or spend a lot of time writing to call yourself a writer. Or that you need to have made money from your artwork to call yourself an artist.

But, if you’re not yet comfortable attaching these labels to yourself, you can still prepare your elevator pitch. An elevator pitch is a prepared response to, “What do you do?”

Make it brief, about 20 seconds (or the length of an elevator trip, hence the name) and engaging. Explain who you are, what you do and what makes you or your services unique.

If you haven’t started your business yet, get clear on what you want to do.

Do you want to start a blog? 

Be a freelance writer? 

Open your own brick and mortar business?

Knowing your exact goals will help you to work towards them with confidence.

2. Expect success and you'll be more confident in yourself

Expecting success is a habit of highly successful people. 

Psychology tells us that expectations, beliefs and perspectives can impact what actually occurs.

In various studies, participants who were given a placebo (sugar pill or procedure with no physiological effect) still showed signs of improvement – a phenomenon called the placebo effect. 

They got better because they believed they would. 

In the 1980’s, a prominent insurance company called MetLife was hiring 5,000 salespeople per year, employing only those who passed their sales aptitude test.

They were spending 75 million dollars a year on training only to have horrible turnover; half of their sales reps quit within the first year.

MetLife turned to renowned psychologist Martin Seligman for help.

Seligman posited that optimism breeds success and suggested that MetLife administer an optimism test he created in addition to the sales aptitude test already in place.

Here’s what happened:

• Those who scored high on the optimism test and passed the aptitude test outperformed those who only scored high on the aptitude test (by 8% the first year and 31% the second year), whereas
• Participants who scored high on the optimism test and failed the aptitude test outperformed those who only scored high on the aptitude test (by 21% the first year and 57% the second year)

They performed better because they believed they would.

*For the whole story and other really great insights, read this book:

3. Start before you’re ready

Many established entrepreneurs give this sage advice.

As an entrepreneur, you’ll never feel “ready”. There will always be more lessons to learn, more things to improve upon and more reasons to delay.

With so much accessible information on the internet, you can easily overthink things and get stuck in analysis paralysis.

You've got to get over that hump to really skyrocket your productivity. 

When I started my blog, I know I was overwhelmed when trying to find answers to, “How do I choose a niche?”, “What are keywords?”, “What tools should I use?”, etc. 

Although diligent preparation can certainly help you to be more confident in yourself as an entrepreneur, at some point, you just have to begin.

Because the truth is if you’re waiting until you're ready to start, you’ll probably never do it.

Don’t use preparation as an excuse to procrastinate because you are scared to do something.

James Clear suggests we learn something from Richard Branson’s approach of: “Screw it, just get on and do it.”

Start now.

Keep in mind that all you have to do is your best. You best will continue to change over time, with trial and error.

You are going to make mistakes, that is for sure. The faster you make mistakes and learn from them, the faster you will succeed.

Just use what you do know and apply it to what you don’t. Learn from your failures and apply that knowledge in the future. When you know better, you do better.

4. Embrace adversity and build confidence

Albert Einstein said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself”.

*Here are some more stories of how people managed to build confidence despite adversity. 

5. Stop comparing yourself to others to be more confident

Nothing will tear down your confidence quicker than comparing yourself to someone else who you think is somehow better off than you are.

In today’s day and age with social media, it’s easy to get sucked into comparing your behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reels – not a fair comparison.

Everyone is meant to accomplish their own definition of success. We're all unique. 

We all have different ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and defeats.

There are over 7 billion people in the world; there will always be someone better off and someone worse off than you.

If you look to others’ success as inspiration and motivation, then that’s great. But, if you get caught in a destructive cycle that leaves you feeling depressed and worthless, stop comparing!

We don’t have the full picture of what’s going on in other people’s lives.

People tend to present themselves (especially on social media) in the best light possible, downplaying or not even admitting any struggles, setbacks or failures.

Remember that the only fair comparison you can make is to compare who you are today to who you were yesterday.

Learn from your failures and celebrate your successes.

Focusing on your own journey will help you to be more confident in yourself as an entrepreneur and as a person.

6. Be Grateful

Studies show that gratitude improves self-esteem and helps us to live happier, healthier lives. 

Being grateful for what you have allows you to appreciate others’ accomplishments without being envious.

If you get in the habit of appreciating what you have, you will shift your mindset from negative to positive.

You'll start to notice all the things you do have instead of all the things you don’t.

Your mental strength will increase, as you train your brain to focus on the good.

Not only will gratitude boost your confidence, but you will also reap additional benefits. Other studies have found that people who are grateful are:

There are many ways to express gratitude.

You can write down 10 things you are grateful for each morning or each night before bed (which, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, has the added benefit of helping you to sleep better).

You could also practice gratitude by meditating. Meditation does not necessarily require lots of time … you can just reflect upon things you are grateful for throughout the day.

Your confidence in yourself will soar as you begin to realize all the wonderful things you already have in your life.

7. Be kind

Kindness is the key to confidence.

Many people are just too hard on themselves. Cut yourself some slack, we’re all human!

Being kind to yourself makes you happier and more confident, which in turn affects others’ perception of you and the way they treat you – it encourages them to be kind to you as well.

Think about what kind of person you want to be and then radiate that outward. If you want to be a kind and compassionate person, think about how you can display those qualities. Put kindness and compassion out into the world.

I once had a couple stop me while I was on a Sunday morning hike to give me a little bag containing a pamphlet titled, “You’re Special”, a $5 bill and a handwritten note saying, “Please accept this random act of kindness.”

That random act of kindness made my day. It also made me want to pass that kindness on and spread the joy – kindness is contagious.

We can all take advantage of the ripple effect of kindness. Whether it’s performing random acts of kindness, volunteering or just be kind to people, you’re helping to make the world a better place.

And you can’t help but feel confident about that!

8. Accomplish small goals to develop confidence 

Accomplishing goals will help you to be more confident with yourself as an entrepreneur. It shows you that “you can do this”.

You don’t always have to set out to accomplish a big goal, in fact it’s better if you set small S.M.A.R.T. goals.

S.M.A.R.T. goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound.

You are more likely to achieve goals that meet these requirements. Try breaking down your big goals into small, actionable steps that require relatively less effort to accomplish.

For example, if you want to make a full-time living blogging, there are lots of little things you must do along the way. Like coming up with a name for your blog, registering your domain name and writing blog posts.

So, consider doing a digital detox to improve your confidence and your health.

10. Fake it ‘till you make it

This saying is so well-known for a reason – it’s true!

Acting as if you are confident will eventually lead to actual confidence -- just like acting as if you are successful will eventually lead to success.

This belief is called the Law of Attraction (LOA). One of its basic tenets is that thoughts become things, meaning whatever you focus your attention will be realized.

So, if you’re focusing on all the things you don’t like about yourself and all the things that can go wrong, then that is exactly what you will attract into your life and those issues will continue to magnify.

However, if you focus on your unique strengths and all the things that can go right, then that is exactly what you will magnify and draw into your life.

Try acting as if you are confident. How would you carry yourself? In what way would you speak to people? What new things would you try?

By enacting these things, you are changing the energy you’re putting out and therefore the energy that is flowing back to you.

The LOA is supported by the quantum physics theory that holds: We co-create our own reality with our thoughts and feelings.

By thinking and feeling more confident with yourself as an entrepreneur, you can actually become more confident with yourself as an entrepreneur.

German physicist Werner Karl Heisenberg realized that it was impossible to measure both the velocity and location of an electron at the same time because electrons behave differently when observed.

Meaning, we don’t merely observe things. We participate in their creation. 

I won’t cover this complex topic in this article, but you can research more about quantum physics and the law of attraction by looking into the “double-split experiment”, “string theory” and the “uncertainty principal”. Here’s a good article & video.

11. Take good care of yourself 

Self-care is directly tied to having more confidence with yourself as an entrepreneur and as a person in general.

When you take good care of yourself, you naturally feel more comfortable presenting yourself to the world. Confidence is definitely not all about looks, but I do believe that when you look good, you feel good.

A healthy diet, exercise, drinking enough water and getting enough sleep are essential to looking and feeling good.

Spinach, oranges, dark chocolate are examples of how foods are natural mood-boosters. Eating these foods on a daily basis can have a huge impact on your mood and your physical appearance.

Exercise is another mood and self-esteem booster. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins reduce feelings of stress and increase feelings of euphoria.

By becoming stronger, faster or better at something, we increase our self-esteem because we see ourselves as more capable.

Regular exercise has not only the short-term benefits of improved mood and increased energy, it also has long-term benefits of improved self-image and increased confidence.

The importance of drinking enough water and getting enough sleep cannot be overstated. These things will help maximize your physical performance, enhance your brain function and help you to be the best version of yourself.

Entrepreneurs tend to get wrapped up in business tasks and see self-care as a sort of luxury. It’s not. You’ve got to take care of yourself in order to be able to do all the things!

Don’t ever be too busy that you neglect the most important part of your business – you.

12. Stay committed

Finally, stay committed to the process.

Confidence is a skill that must be practiced and reinforced. Just keep working on your mindset and behavior.

Because entrepreneurs tend to be high achievers, they often suffer from imposter syndrome, So, there may come a point, after you've accomplished certain goals, when you doubt the reasons for your success.

If this happens, remember how hard you worked to get where you’re at, focus on all your accomplishments and use your fear as fuel for success.

Remember that you are not alone. All successful people have had many struggles and failures along the way. That’s just the how the road to success is.  

The important thing is that you don’t get deterred from your path. Even though it’s hard, even though you might struggle to feel confident, even though you might fail. Just keep on going.

Over to you – anything I didn’t mention? 

Please share your tips on how to be more confident with yourself as an entrepreneur in the comments!

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