When I first started this blog, I had no real concept of metaphysics, 3D, 4D or 5D states of consciousness. I was on a journey of personal development, moving through this physical world, sharing my insights with all of you along the way (which I still am and will continue to do!). 

A lot has changed in the past 7 years; as I continued to accumulate knowledge and life experience, I grew spiritually. I’ve realized that although many of the concepts I shared with you are still valid and do have their place in this physical “3D” reality, there are other metaphysical truths that must be understood in order to achieve holistic success. 

The thing is, while you may be able to achieve tangible goals (3D success) by taking action alone, metaphysical success requires more than just physical action -you must first have the right frequency (mental attitude) in order to manifest your desired reality.

Your Energetic Signature

We each have a unique energetic signature, or frequency, which is comprised of our thoughts, beliefs, attention, emotional conviction, and identity. And whether you’re aware of it or not, your frequency is the cause of your reality. 

It’s like ordering something off Amazon – there are a multitude of products, and each product has a unique product code (UPC).

Likewise, the universe has a multitude of realities--your frequency is the UPC for your reality. The frequency you are emitting is placing an order with the universe for a particular reality.

Once you are aware that it is your frequency that determines your reality, you can then attune your frequency to your desired reality in order to attain it. So, what reality are you ordering… and which one do you want to order?

Order What You Want (Not What You Don’t Want)

Because the universe will seek to match whatever frequency you’re putting out there, you can make your frequency – or mental attitude-- work to your advantage (of course, the opposite is true as well). 

Attention is the beginning of creation – where attention goes, energy flows. Before anything manifests physically, it first exists mentally/vibrationally. The more energy that flows to something, the more you are indicating to the universe that that’s what you want. 

Likewise, each time you are presented with an opportunity to react or respond, you are being given a menu with two items – what you want and what you don’t want. Point to what you want.

Think about it like ordering off a menu with pictures but the waiter doesn’t speak English. If you point to the fish and say, “I want the steak”, or you point to the fish and say, “I don’t want this”, he will nevertheless assume that what you pointed to is what you wanted.   

Co-Create the Reality That You Want (Not One That You Fear)

If you give attention to the things you don’t want, you are only strengthening those potentialities with your fear. Your fear is like a beacon of light for that which you fear – it will draw it to you, simply because you have given it so much energy, so many emotionally-charged thoughts.

By fearing something, you are confessing that it is stronger than you – and since the strongest frequency wins, the thing you fear will control you or come upon you. 

Keep in mind the infamous Double Slit quantum mechanics experiment, which showed that particles can exist in multiple places at once until observed -- simply interacting with them by taking a measurement changes their behavior.

On a metaphysical level, this means that you co-create your reality. There are a multitude of potentialities for your reality and the one that becomes “real” for you is the one that you observe, interact with, and measure (pass judgment upon, form a belief about). We each live in our own YOUniverse.

So, what are you observing and how are you measuring those things? Are you tuning your awareness to things that are in alignment with your desired reality?  What things are you investing in by giving them your attention?

Be Good With it and Good Without It

In order for your desired reality to manifest, you must be good with it and good without it. 

Because you can’t have what you need -- you must already have it vibrationally (be vibrationally aligned with it) before you can have it physically. 

Needing indicates that you don’t have it vibrationally. Desperation will only push it farther away because it is indicating to the universe that you are lacking something internally – therefore, you will lack it externally as well. 

“Needing” places excess importance on something and therefore creates space between you and the thing that you “need”.

So, in order to collapse that space that separates you from your desired reality, you must de-pedestalize your desire…see it as normal, take it for granted.

Be good with it and good without it. You must get to a place where you are no longer emotionally dependent upon seeing reality change. 

Your Destination is Actually Your Starting Location

I, like most people, were taught that if I work hard, then I will achieve my desired reality, which will allow me to feel a certain way. 

For example, if I work really hard, then I will make X amount of money and then I will feel successful/abundant. (Action Desired Reality Feeling/Mental Attitude)

But, in reality, the formula for metaphysical success is:

Feeling/Mental Attitude Action Desired Reality. 

If you’re only focused on taking action to achieve your goals, you are working out of order. You must first be in vibrational alignment with your desired reality.

Think from the position of already having your desired reality – how would you think and move?  Then, when you take action, it will lead to your desired reality. 

Focus On Your Frequency First

So, frequency must precede action. Being is more powerful than doing.  

You will not attain metaphysical success/ your desired reality by merely taking action alone. You must first have the right mental attitude, and then the right action will flow from that, which is what creates your reality (materialized frequency).

Because your frequency informs your intuition, which influences your decisions – it compels you to take actions in alignment with that frequency. 

Frequency Compels you to act Which then manifests your reality

Ironically, once you are in the right frequency, you will no longer be emotionally dependent upon seeing your desired reality manifest in the 3D because you already have it energetically.

Be grateful and enthusiastic ahead of time – before the world proves it to you, before you see it physically manifest in the 3D. Thinking and behaving like you would if you already had your desired reality and feeling gratitude and enthusiasm will put you in the right frequency to draw that desired reality to you.

You must have it vibrationally before you can have it physically.

Vibration is determined by focus/concentration. So, where is your focus? What are you concentrating on? Not all thoughts are equal – which of your thoughts are emotionally charged? Those will have the most influence on your subconscious, and hence, your frequency.    

Your Desired Reality Doesn’t Have to Be Realistic or Logical

What we humans see with eyesight in this 3D reality is only .0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum.  

And we don’t even “see” with our eyes - our eyes take in electric signals and send them to the brain; the brain then produces an image of what it thinks it’s seeing based on assumptions and predictions. That’s why magic tricks can work on you.

So, who’s to say what’s realistic or delusional? Considering that 99.9965% of reality is unseen, don’t allow your potential to be defined by the .0035%.  

In this limited observable reality (3D) also exists limiting concepts such as polarity – good and bad, light and dark, up and down, rich and poor, hot and cold. 

On an energetic level, each of those duos are the same energy vibrating at different rates of vibration. The same way ice and steam are the same substance materialized in different forms, matter and consciousness are the same substance materialized in different forms – the same energy vibrating at different rates of vibration.

Outside of this 3rd dimensional realm, there is no polarity—only oneness. God, the infinite intelligence, is above illusion.

You may not be able to achieve your desired reality on your own, but with God, all things are possible. You are an expression of God, or the infinite intelligence – which is omnipotent and omniscient – there is nothing that God cannot do. We are confined to this 3D reality, but God is not, and neither is the aspect of God (highest level of consciousness) that is within you.  

Are Your Beliefs Serving You or Controlling You?

The only things you are limited by are your own self-limiting beliefs. 

The beliefs that you hold form the blueprint of your reality. Because before anything exists physically, it first exists in the mind. The world you live in is nothing more than your beliefs materialized, a world of frozen imagination.

The first step is to recognize your self-limiting beliefs. In doing so, it is important to understand that there are no truths other than what the subconscious mind has accepted as true.

Your beliefs are simply repeated thoughts with an emotional charge that become your reality – and if they are not serving you (by helping you achieve your desired reality), then they are controlling you. 

For example, let’s say you want to quit smoking. Does it serve you to believe that it will be difficult to quit? If you want to be financially free, does it serve you to believe that you have to work hard to make money? If you want to be in a healthy relationship, does it serve you to believe that all men are cheaters? These are just some examples; think about what beliefs you hold and how they may be influencing your reality. 

Choose to Hold Beliefs that Align with Your Desired Reality

Your subconscious mind that holds these beliefs will trick you into believing that you are right by giving you an artificial ego boost. It will present you with people, circumstances, and events that make you say, “See! I knew it, I was right.”

But, in reality, you drew those people, circumstances, and events to you with your frequency.

You can just as well hold the opposite belief, one that actually serves you and leads to your desired reality. You don’t have to stay trapped in the box of your limiting belief; you can think outside the box.

So, examine your beliefs and ask yourself if they are aligned or misaligned with your desired reality. Only the ones aligned with your desired reality should remain.

Other than your beliefs, is there anything else in your life that reflects, resonates with, or implies the things you do not want? (ex: scarcity). Getting rid of those things will also help you to align with the frequency of your desired reality. (ex: abundance). 

Outsmart The Old You & Remain Steadfast in Your Desired Reality

You have a collection of thoughts + emotion, otherwise known as thought forms. When those thought forms are repeated over time, they give birth to a spiritual entity (aka the old version of you). 

That entity is blind intelligence. It just wants to live, and it will do anything - including sabotage you - to continue existing. It is dependent upon keeping you in the same paradigm, so whenever you try to step outside of that, it will try to drag you back in by getting you to feel frustration and disappointment.

And it will do so by presenting you with circumstances, people, and events that it knows usually gets you to react. If you do react predictably, those negative emotions create a certain frequency which acts like glue to your old frequency, the old version of you.  

Don’t let those circumstances destroy your progress ---remember, it’s just your old frequency trying press your buttons and get you to react so it can continue to live. Don’t fall for it – be nonreactive. This requires a certain degree of emotional discipline and resilience. Have conviction in your desired reality; be the stronger frequency.

The closer you get to your desired reality, the more your old frequency will try to project its fear onto you, so you get scared and don’t continue moving forward.

You can end this cycle of self-sabotage by seeing yourself as separate from your old frequency – it’s not your fear; it’s the old frequency’s. You’re not scared; the old version of you is. 

Your Self-Worth Is the Energetic Ceiling of Anything You’ll Be Able to Materialize

“We don’t rise to the level of our aspirations; we fall to the level of our self-worth.”

What do you know you deserve? What your subconscious thinks you deserve is what you have already emotionally experienced. Any emotionally-charged experiences you went through will influence the subconscious – good or bad.

For example, if you grew up poor and you had an emotional charge attached to that experience, your subconscious will believe that you deserve to be poor. If you were loved and cherished, your subconscious will believe that you deserve to be loved and cherished. 

As you can see, this can either work for you or against you when it comes to manifesting your desired reality. Fortunately, you can create the emotionally charged experiences that serve you.

Because your brain cannot distinguish between what is imagined and what is experienced, you can imagine emotionally charged experiences that increase your self-worth, thereby raising the ceiling on what you can manifest.  

By contrast, the 3D definition of self-worth is externalized—it’s determined by the perception of others and your achievements and failures.

This is folly; others wear their own “lenses”. Each person’s lenses are unique; they’re colored by their own experiences that tint and distort reality --they cannot objectively perceive you beyond that filter (this concept is also known as the perception-projection loop).

So, they simply can’t be the ones to tell you what you’re capable of. Only you can do that. And achievements and failures are concepts rooted in polarity, which is an illusion of the 3D reality. 

If you grant anything external (receiving validation, love, respect, accolades, money, appearance, etc.) control over your self-worth, then you allow those things to define the limits of your reality and metaphysical success.

Build Self-Trust to Boost Your Confidence

Instead, internalize your self-worth. Cultivate the experiences that make you feel worthy by simply imagining them.

For example, imagine someone who you know would be happy for your success congratulating you on whatever it is you want to manifest while feeling the validation, love, accolades, etc. The more you give that emotional experience to yourself, the more you will be signaling to your subconscious that you deserve it, and moreover, that you already have it. 

Another aspect of self-worth is confidence --- the root word of which is “fid”, meaning trust in Latin. You must build up your self-trust to increase your confidence. This means doing things you know you should do and not doing things you know you shouldn’t do.

You may think that those things don’t affect you especially when they are small, but the truth is your subconscious remembers everything and keeps the score. As you continue to prove to yourself that you are a person of your word, you will be more confident in your abilities and more convicted in the actions you take. 

Be Intentional About What You Give Attention To

Be on the lookout for synchronicities and notice how you played a part in them manifesting. Notice the connections between your inner world and outer circumstances.

By being intentional in this way, you are training the reticular activating system (RAS) in your brain. The RAS acts as a selective filter, filtering out what it deems irrelevant and drawing your attention to what it deems relevant. 

Since your brain simply cannot process all incoming information, it has developed certain shortcuts (also known as heuristics/cognitive biases). One of those mental shortcuts is the RAS.

 Have you ever noticed that once you learn something new or focus on something new you start seeing it everywhere? That’s your RAS at work. Another example is your ability to snap to attention upon hearing your name, even in a noisy environment. 

You can program this system to notice things related to your desired reality and filter out things that do not. Once you do, you’ll be tuned to the right frequency. Information and opportunities that you previously would not have noticed will be popping up all over the place. Noticing and taking advantage of those opportunities will help you attain your desired reality. 

Give Yourself Grace

Finally, give yourself some grace. You’ve been operating as the “old version of you” way longer than you’ve been operating from your new frequency. 

There may be moments when you have emotional reactions to things that the 3D reality shows you. You may have times when you lose sight of your true nature (an expression of God) and get wrapped up in unimportant or detrimental things. 

It’s ok. You have only fallen because you have risen. 

This is a dynamic personal growth journey that will continue for the rest of your life. It’s not important (or even possible) to be successful/high vibe all the time; things will naturally ebb and flow.

What’s important is to be resilient. Know that all paths (even the difficult ones) lead to one destination: your desired reality. 

I'd like to give credit to Nero on YouTube (thank you!), who helped me understand these concepts.

Advertisements are constantly telling us who we are, or who we should be. 

Commercials tell us we need more stuff, social media tells us we should look a certain way, and society generally accepts these propositions without question.

But let’s stop and ask ourselves – why?

Why do we as women need to wear makeup? Do we need to shave? Why do we need to dye our gray hair? Do we really need to get injections, have plastic surgery, lose weight?

The truth is, only the makers and marketers of those products have something to gain (money). We simply lose our time, money, and self-esteem.

Who are you really? At your core? 

You are not a walking billboard for someone else’s products. We don't have to be some replicated result of an imposed standard of beauty. 

You are love and you are light. You're a special star that shines all on your own without the need for any bells and whistles. 

If it makes you feel good to wear makeup or fix your hair a certain way, then by all means do it. Just make sure that you are doing it for yourself, not just mindlessly following the “rules” imposed on your gender, age, etc. You are free to live by your own definition of success.

Everybody is beautiful. Everybody. And this world needs your uniqueness. You have a flavor and flair that is different from anyone else’s. Embrace that magic ingredient that makes you, you and share it proudly.

I stopped shaving and dying my hair back in 2020 and it is still perceived as almost an act of rebellion. People have reactions of shock, disgust, and even anger.

But it’s not their fault that they initially feel this way. They have been conditioned their whole lives to see certain things as acceptable and others as taboo. These things take time to change. 

Now that people are feeling more comfortable identifying with non-traditional labels, I think the general consciousness is shifting. But you don’t need to be anything specific in order to embrace the unconventional.

I am a straight, 42-year-old woman and I consider myself to be feminine. I simply don’t shave, get plastic surgery, dye my hair, or wear makeup. It saves me time, effort, money, and frees me up to do more meaningful things with this short time I have here on Earth.

This “crunchiness” extends into other parts of my life as well. And it’s not just on principle. It’s to protect myself. Do you know what kind of poison is lurking in your self-care products, your food, your clothes, your household items? 

Things are not the way they used to be. Modern merchandise contains more unhealthy additives and contaminants than older versions of the same products. Food has become less nutritious over the past 70 years, and consumption of processed foods is at an all-time high. Harmful chemicals, dangerous dyes, and bioengineered ingredients have become the norm. 

Most commercial beauty products also contain toxic ingredients that can interfere with our hormones and are known to cause serious illnesses such as cancer. Don’t let the marketing of these products fool you into a false sense of security. They are not good for your body or your soul.

Companies have worked really hard and spent a lot of money to keep the truth hidden. For example, most people don’t stop to think about where their meat comes from.

Most fast-food restaurants, dine-in restaurants, and grocery stores sell meat that comes from factory farms. These animals suffer in deplorable conditions and die inhumane, unimaginable deaths. When you consume this meat, you also consume the suffering of that animal. 

Many commercial products also still conduct animal testing -- an antiquated, barbaric, unnecessary practice that again causes suffering and trauma on a massive scale, not only to the animals that are exploited, but also to you as the unwitting consumer of these products. 

Your skin is the largest organ of your body. When you apply commercial lotions, perfumes, deodorants, and makeup, you are introducing toxins to your body as a whole. Any one thing on its own is probably not a life-or-death big deal, but when you are constantly bombarded day in and day out with a multitude of untold poisons, your body can only do so much to fight them off and keep you healthy.

I am convinced that the reason why so many people are sick with cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, etc. is due to the modern world. A lot of things that used to be “healthy” back in the day have now been reformulated to lower cost, lower quality versions that pose a threat to your immune system.

So, what can you do to protect yourself? 

Start reading labels. Research. Gravitate towards whole, organic food. Make your own stuff.  

Think for yourself –it’s not illegal yet.

It’s pretty easy to make your own skin care products. And it is the only way to be sure that you aren’t putting toxins in your body.

Did you know that the FDA does not regulate cosmetics? Also, makers of these commercial products are not required to disclose all the included ingredients. For example, to protect what are called trade secrets, companies are allowed to hide up to 200 harmful chemicals behind the term, “fragrance”. So, you don’t know exactly what you are putting on or in your body.

I make my own bath products, skin care, laundry detergent, and food with natural ingredients. And you can too. You don’t have to go crazy, even small changes-- one or two swaps can make a huge difference. 

Here are some of my favorite simple and natural recipes. I have included links to some of the products I used, which are on Amazon:

Simple & Healthy Recipes

Air Purifying Candles: Melted beeswax and coconut oil (about half and half), optional: essential oil.

No-Knead Crusty Artisan Bread: Mix 3 cups King Arthur bread flour, 1¼ tsp salt, and 1 packet rapid rise yeast. Add approximately 3 cups warm water (it will be sticky)—mix with wooden handle of spatula or silicone spatula and cover with saran wrap and a towel, let sit on top of oven heated to 250 for 2 hours. Dust fingers with a small amount of flour, scoop dough out of bowl, and plop onto parchment paper --don't worry about shape, it does not have to be perfect at all! You could also make 5-7 smaller rolls (this is my favorite way, honestly). Bake on parchment paper lined sheet tray at 425 for approximately 25 minutes. Let cool for at least half an hour before cutting.
*This also comes out great with 2 cups bread flour and 1 cup whole wheat, or even half bread flour and half whole wheat.
**I live at a high elevation, so this recipe may require more/less water and baking time depending on where you live

Face Oil: Mix castor oil, carrot seed oil, coconut mct oil, jojoba oil, rosehip oil, and frankincense oil.

Hair Oil: Mix castor oil, jojoba oil, argan oil, sweet almond oil, pumpkinseed oil, coconut mct oil, rosemary, peppermint, and lavender essential oil.

Body Butter: Melt mango butter and beeswax, add jojoba oil & mix.

Soap: Mix ½ cup distilled water, ¼ cup castile soap, 1 tbsp castor oil, 10 drops frankincense and 5 drops lavender essential oil.

Bath Soak: 1 cup Epsom salt, 1 cup dead sea salt, 1 cup pink Himalayan salt, 1 tbsp kaolin clay, 1 tbsp coconut milk powder, optional: dried flowers, essential oil.

Room Spray: Fill 1/3 of spray bottle with witch hazel, 30-50 drops essential oil, fill rest of bottle with distilled water.

Roll-on Perfume: 10-15 drops essential oil, fill rest of roller with sweet almond oil.

Morning tonic: Cut and smash handful of ginger root and a few pieces of turmeric, boil in 5 cups of water for 1 hour, strain and mix in 1 tsp of black pepper, 1-2 tbsp ceylon cinnamon (reheat to dissolve). Drink 1/2 - 1 cup in the morning, add juice of 1/2 lemon and 2 capfulls of apple cider vinegar.

Natural headache remedy: Fill large bowl with ice water and submerge face for a few seconds. Another option is to use an ice roller - I love this one!

Cleaning spray: Orange or lemon peels, white vinegar, distilled water.

Bamboo toilet paper: Did you know that regular toilet paper not only contributes to deforestation, but also contains PFAS, chlorine, bleach, and formaldehyde?

Thanks for reading! If you're interested in furthering your self-discovery journey, check out the instant download PDF of 70 self-discovery questions & 100 core values available in my Etsy shop:

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Gratitude-Colored Glasses

Are you familiar with the phrase “rose-colored glasses”? It’s used to describe a person who sees the world in a romanticized way, focusing only on the positive and failing to acknowledge any problems, perhaps leading to an unrealistically optimistic outlook on life.

On the flip side, sometimes when things aren’t going our way or we’re struggling with our mental health, we tend to look at things through a negative lens. We’re already expecting and accepting the worst. Even if something good were to happen, we might not even recognize it because our brains are trained to see the worst in any given scenario.

During these times especially, it is important to keep perspective. By looking at things through a lens of gratitude, we can more clearly see that while it may not be all good, it’s not all bad either. And there are always things to be grateful for. 

Putting on “gratitude-colored glasses” allows us to see the whole picture and to have a more positive outlook on life. We don’t ignore our problems; we simply allow gratitude to coexist with them.

We can identify our stressors and acknowledge our feelings while still giving thanks for our blessings. Rewiring the brain for positivity in this way makes us more resilient and better able to handle life’s difficulties with grace.

But it can be difficult to know where to start and exactly how to express gratitude in an effectual way. In this post, I will help you to:

-Identify Your Stressors,
-Name Your Emotions, and
-List Your Blessings

Only when you’re aware of the stressors in your life and the emotions that they stir up in you is it possible to heal with directed gratitude. It is my hope that these simple stress relief strategies will assist you in healing through gratitude and taking care of your mental health.

*All worksheets in this blog post + more are listed in my Kofi-shop.

Identify Your Stressors

Identifying the cause of your stress is the first step to managing it. When you know what your triggers are, you can avoid them or minimize their effects. Self-discovery and self-care go hand in hand.

Knowing your core values gives insight into why certain things stress you out. For example, if fitness is one of your core values, then missing workouts or allowing yourself to get out of shape could be causing you undue stress.

And knowing what helps you to combat the negative effects of those stressors gives you the power to protect your mental and physical health. For example, getting back into an exercise routine may help to alleviate that stress.   

Can you identify the causes of your stress? There are various sources of stress, but at the end of the day, we’re all human. So, no matter how different we might be, we still face common challenges in life.

Stress, “the silent killer”, is the root cause of countless physical and mental illnesses. In fact, the greater your stress load, the greater your chances of developing a stress-related illness.

The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SSRS), also known as the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, is a self-assessment tool designed to help you determine the level of stress you are under. The higher your score, the more urgent it is for you to mitigate your stress levels in order to protect your mental and physical health. 

If you want to take the Stress Assessment, I’ve created a worksheet and it’s linked below along with a Stress Tracker Worksheet.

*It is important to note that this assessment does not account for individual stress tolerance as well as other variables and should not be relied upon as medical diagnosis or advice. 

Although there are countless specific causes of stress that vary from person to person, there are four main causes of stress for adults:

1.Death or illness/injury: This includes death of loved ones, debilitating injuries, chronic pain, illnesses (including those of loved ones, especially if you are a caretaker), and mental health issues.

2. Role change/new chapter in life: This includes school, retirement, getting married or divorced, having children, getting a new job, and moving.

3. Money/Work: This includes poverty, living paycheck to paycheck, debt, lack of sufficient income, unemployment, unsatisfaction with job/career, and lack of fulfillment when it comes to work.

4. Relationships: This includes interpersonal conflict, betrayal, break-ups, divorce, estrangement, and any sort of dysfunction in relationships.

Self-care is vital to managing stress. In addition to noticing what’s stressing you out, also notice what helps to calm you down. It may be necessary to set some healthy personal boundaries.

What works for one situation might not work in another, and techniques that you don’t think would work for you in theory may end up being the most effective in practice. Keep track of what works and what doesn’t so you can respond to stressors with your “go-to” activities.

Name Your Emotions

Maybe you’ve heard of the saying “name it to tame it”. It’s a simple stress relief technique that involves labeling your emotions as they arise. Naming your emotions helps to remind you that you are not your emotions, and your emotions are only temporary.

Keep in mind that even though some emotions may be more pleasant to experience than others, they are not inherently good or bad. Rather, all emotions are just feedback from our brain. We should be using that information to help ourselves, and not allow our emotions to override our rationality.

On a physiological level, when you name your emotion, you are engaging the left-brain (the side of the brain in charge of logic and language) and taming the right-brain (the side in charge of processing emotions).

Given the complex nature of feelings and emotions, it’s not always easy to identify the specific emotion you are feeling. For example, you may feel disgusted and angry with someone, but you may not be able to label that emotion as “contempt”. Simply do the best you can as you increase your emotional vocabulary.

There are six primary emotions from which all others flow: 1. Joy, 2. Sadness, 3. Fear, 4.  Anger, 5. Disgust, and 6. Surprise.

Here are some examples of more specific emotions falling under the categories of the first five primary emotions:

Joy

• Loving
• Thankful
• Peaceful
• Excited
• Amused
• Accepted
• Proud
• Liberated
• Confident
• Important
• Playful
• Inspired
• Curious
• Courageous
• Interested
• Amazed
• Optimistic
• Trusting
• Creative
• Intimate
• Valued
• Free

Sadness

• Hurt
• Guilty
• Ashamed
• Lonely
• Bored
• Tired
• Isolated
• Powerless
• Remorseful
• Abandoned
• Apathetic
• Vulnerable
• Fragile
• Grief-stricken
• Victimized
• Uninterested
• Overwhelmed

Fear

• Helpless
• Anxious
• Insecure
• Discouraged
• Rejected
• Persecuted
• Worried
• Inferior
• Excluded
• Inadequate
• Nervous
• Weak
• Confused
• Threatened
• Exposed

Anger

• Hurt
• Selfish
• Critical
• Jealous
• Irritated
• Threatened
• Frustrated
• Distant
• Suspicious
• Violated
• Hateful
• Bitter
• Betrayed
• Indignant
• Let down
• Offended
• Provoked

Disgust

• Disappointed
• Judgmental
• Revulsed
• Contemptuous
• Disapproving
• Ashamed
• Resentful
• Appalled
• Nauseated
• Embarrassed 

Here is the List of Emotions printable PDF:

Train Your Brain

As neuroscience teaches us, our brains are not set in stone. The way you see the world can change and grow throughout our entire life, thanks to neuroplasticity.  So, even if you have never engaged in gratitude practices before, you can still reap all the rewards of expressing gratitude regularly.

The more you do it, the more you will strengthen the neural connections that support an attitude of gratitude and rewire the ones that lead to negative thinking ruts. Meaning, you can literally change your brain and yourself.

In determining whether something is real or imagined, our brains look to how vividly we experienced something. But the brain encodes the vividness of both real and imagined stimuli in a similar way, thus making it difficult to tell the difference between reality and imagination (especially if you have a really good imagination). So, the more vividly you imagine something, the more it emphasizes the importance of that thing to your brain.

• Linger on Feelings of Gratitude

When it comes to healing through gratitude, think about experiences rather than just things you own. Zoom in on a positive experience that you are grateful for. Set 5 minutes aside to write about it. Relive the experience as you write about it. Feel as if you are in the moment again and visualize the events in great detail. Linger on your feelings of gratitude.

Blessings in disguise: Try doing this with negative experiences as well. Oftentimes, experiences that were not pleasant to go though in the moment still leave us with lessons for the future and opportunities to improve our character. We can feel gratitude for those lessons and opportunities.

• Practice Meditation

Meditation stills the mind. Instead of aimlessly jumping from thought to thought and being mindlessly reactive, we can regulate our thoughts and emotions. It helps us to be aware of our thoughts without judging them or allowing them to stick. This creates a sense of inner peace and a deeper connection to gratitude.

Meditation also has numerous health benefits, including lowered stress, better chronic pain management, increased concentration, elevated energy, improved sleep, decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression, lowered blood pressure, strengthened immune system function, improved memory, increased self-awareness, and enhanced mood.

In fact, a recent study at Georgetown found that a mindfulness-based stress reduction program was as effective as the use of an antidepressant in treating anxiety disorders.

By practicing meditation even for just 5 minutes a day, we can improve our mental health and our lives as a whole. You can incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life while doing everyday activities like breathing, eating, and showering. 

Try some types of meditation to see what works for you; there are so many, but to name a few: mindful mediation, guided meditation, transcendental meditation, walking meditation, vipassana meditation, metta/loving-kindness meditation, focused breathing, visualization meditation, mantra meditation, yoga meditation.

• Notice Your Negative Thoughts and Reframe Them Through the Lens of Gratitude

You are not your thoughts. Which means that whenever you have any thought, you can step to the side and look at it for what it is --- simply an idea or opinion produced by unconscious brain function.

So, when you have a negative thought, pause to acknowledge it, and then consciously reframe that thought through the filter of gratitude. For example, if you think, “I hate my life”, disrupt that negative thought and replace it with a grateful thought like, “Things aren’t perfect, but I love and appreciate many things about my life, including ____ (my pets, my freedom, my health, etc.)”.

Replace negative self-talk with gratitude. For example, if you think, “I’m a failure”, replace that thought with, “Failure is success in progress; I have learned valuable lessons from this trial.”  When Thomas Edison failed continuously at his attempts to create the lightbulb, he famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Or for example if you think, “I’m so behind on this goal”, replace that thought with acknowledgement and gratitude for all the little wins you’ve had along the way that you may have overlooked.

In your healing through gratitude journey, watch out for cognitive distortions. Our brains tend to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones due to an inherent negativity bias. We can overcome these cognitive distortions (all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, etc.) by keeping things in perspective and filtering our experiences through the lens of gratitude.

Why Gratitude Works (Scientifically Proven)

By making your gratitude practice a habit, you are literally rewiring your brain to focus on the positive. Researchers have found that expressing gratitude is also linked to a multitude of health benefits, including:

• improved sleep
• reduced depression and anxiety
• fewer aches and pains
• increased self-esteem
• enhanced empathy, and
• improved overall well-being

According to a recent research study, gratitude writing is not only beneficial for well-functioning people, but also for those struggling with mental health concerns.

In that study, participants were divided into three groups – one group wrote a letter of gratitude to someone each week, the second group wrote about their thoughts and feelings regarding negative experiences, and the third group did not participate in a writing activity. All three groups received counseling services.

Those in the gratitude writing group reported significantly better mental health in the weeks following the study, as compared to the other two groups.

Even those who didn’t actually send their letters to the intended recipient -only 23 percent did - experienced the benefits of expressing gratitude. So, you don’t have to actually thank someone personally in order to heal through gratitude; it’s enough to express your gratitude in a private journal.

Furthermore, even when a gratitude practice is brief, it has lasting effects on the brain. When the researchers in this study compared the brain activity of those who wrote gratitude letters to those who did not, they showed more activation in the medial prefrontal cortex even three months after the letter writing.

But writing a thank you letter isn’t the only way to experience the benefits of gratitude. Expressing gratitude in any way lowers stress hormones in the body and compels our brain to release dopamine and serotonin, the body’s “feel good” chemicals. It contributes to happiness and contentment with life no matter the external circumstances – a natural anti-depressant.

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One

When I was little, my mother used to often tell me to count my blessings. That advice has remained pertinent in my adult life; the simple act of counting my blessings has helped me get through some pretty stressful situations.

It’s not always easy to see the silver lining when you’re in the middle of a storm. Focusing on your blessings can help keep things in perspective when it seems like they’re spiraling out of control.

Gratitude is a powerful antidote to many ailments. Try directing your attention to all the blessings in your life and see if you don’t feel better about your situation.

Also, focusing on your blessings multiplies them; energy flows where attention goes. So, the more you feel and express gratitude for all your many blessings, the more blessings you will have to be grateful for.

It can be difficult to know exactly how to express your gratefulness other than just thinking about what you’re grateful for. So, here are some gratitude activities to provide you with some direction and an outlet for your feelings of gratitude.

• Gratitude Log:

Something I started doing for myself was keeping a log of all the little things for which I am grateful. It helps to write things down as soon as they happen, so you don’t forget. Try writing just one thing per day or whenever something happens. In this book, you can also include breakout pages dedicated to reliving experiences and lingering on gratitude like we talked about earlier in this post.

• Gratitude Activities:

These healing through gratitude activities will help train your brain to linger on the positive things in life, however small, and remind you to take nothing for granted.

Gratitude Journal Prompts:

When expressing gratitude, it can help to have some prompts. (Ex: I am grateful for this blessing in disguise: ______, I am grateful for this simple pleasure: _________, I am grateful for this test of character: ______, etc.)  You could spread these gratitude journal prompts out over time or write down one thing you are grateful for every day for 30 days in a row (30-day gratitude challenge!).

Here are the Gratitude Worksheets in printable PDF form:

Bible Verses for Gratitude (and All Kinds of Emotions)

“Count Your Blessings” is a beautiful hymn that reminds us to remain steadfast through life’s challenges, knowing that God is over all:

Verse 1: When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Chorus: Count your many blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God hath done, Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Verse 2: Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Verse 3: When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold; Count your many blessings-money cannot buy Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Verse 4: So, amid the conflict whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, The Bible is a wellspring of inspirational quotes and encouragement. There are scriptures for just about every situation you could go through and every emotion that you feel; there are bible verses for encouragement, hard times, anxiety, healing, gratitude, etc.

I often look to The Bible for strength during times of hardship, but it’s important to pray in times of joy and abundance, not only in times of need. Think about your relationships with people – in healthy relationships, you’re there for each other through the ups and the downs, celebrating during the wins and consoling during the losses. It should be that way with God too (or whatever higher power you believe in).

This color-coded Bible Verse Jar is a fun activity to help you on your spiritual journey. Here’s how it works: color-coded bible verses for every emotion are placed inside of a jar (example: Joyful=yellow, Sad=blue, Angry=peach, Scared=pink, Thankful=green).

When you are feeling joyful, sad, angry, scared, or thankful, pick a piece of paper with the corresponding color and read that bible verse.

DIY Scripture Jar

The “Do It Yourself” (DIY) Bible Verse Jar is a fun and inexpensive craft you can do that does not take much time. Create your own scripture jar by printing out the bible verses on colored paper, cutting them into strips, folding them, and placing them inside a jar.

This bundle has everything (except paper) that you need to make your own bible verse jar for emotions: printable bible verses for jar, color code key, and jar label.

This is the paper I used for my Bible Verse Jar. You can buy it from Amazon, I've included the link below: 

DFY Scripture Jar

If you don't want to make this yourself, you can purchase it ready-made! The "Done for You" (DFY) Scripture Jar makes a thoughtful gift. And with 70 bible verses, it truly is the gift that keeps on giving!

Color-Coded Bible Verses for Emotions 

Here are the categories and bible verses – I’ve chosen to use the NIV translation for this project. If you’re doing this yourself, feel free to come up with different categories (it doesn’t have to be these emotions, or even emotions at all!) and/or bible verses.

1. Joyful (Lively Lemon) 2. Sad (Breezy Blue) 3. Angry (Punchy Peach) 4. Scared (Bubble Gum) 5. Thankful (Merry Mint) 6. Surprise Me! (White)

Joyful

• This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
• But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Psalm 5:11
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
• Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18       
• Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4
• You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11  
• Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.1 Peter 1:8-9
• I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
• The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. Psalm 19:8
• May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13                                                                 

Sad

• So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22
• Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
• Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
• Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
• The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
• Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
• The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19
• I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
• For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17
• The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5

Angry

• But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
• “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
• My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
• Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 12:16
• The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
• But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28
• Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9
• For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

Scared

• When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3
• The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
• Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
• The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
• For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
• Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
• For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
• But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 1 Peter 3:14

Thankful

• Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
• If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. John 15:7
• I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
• I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1
• And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17
• Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15
• Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38
• Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4
• All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 4:15
• Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:15-16

Surprise Me!

• In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
• Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58
• Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13
• For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:4
• Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4
• Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. Psalm 143:10
• Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
• Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3
• Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 John 1:2
• The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:17
• Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
• If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
• For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
• And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16
• Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27
• Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
• Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24
• Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

I hope this blog post has helped you to heal through gratitude. Do you have a favorite gratitude practice or bible verse that I haven’t mentioned? Let me know in the comments!

* This post was originally published on November 25, 2019 and has been updated.

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” -Zig Ziglar

Thanksgiving is almost here (yay!), so it’s the perfect time to count our blessings.

No matter our station in life, we have many things to be grateful for.

And research shows that to express gratitude for what we have has many benefits, including overall enhancement of well-being...it's also one of the best self care ideas for stress relief (which we could all use this year!). 

Considering the extensive advantages, you may want to consider instituting a gratitude practice year-round!

But even when we are grateful, it's not always easy to know how to express that gratitude.

That's why I've put together some gratitude journal prompts and activities for you! Maybe you can give them a try with your family this Thanksgiving.

Show someone special that you're grateful for them by sending them a personalized care package this holiday season! 

Express Gratitude: Things to Be Grateful For

There are lots of things to be grateful for.

Sadly, our fast-paced, technology-driven lives can cause us to overlook some of the simpler (yet important) things.

But by focusing on these simple things, we can significantly increase our happiness and well-being.

Regularly expressing gratitude helps keep us to focus on the positive and keep things in perspective when we are overwhelmed and nearing burnout.

It cultivates a mindset that changes our entire outlook on life!

Gratitude Habits

A classic exercise called “three good things” helps us to bring all the things we should be grateful for into focus.  

Here’s how you do it:

Before going to bed, reflect upon your day and write down three good things that happened. Think about why those things happened and express gratitude for them.   

Gratitude journaling is another healthy habit that can have transformative results.

There are many ways to keep a gratitude journal. You could write down things you are grateful for upon waking in the morning or before going to bed at night.

Or you could write down something you are grateful for the moment it happens.

You could name as many small things as you can think of or you could select one (or a few) to express your gratitude for in a more in-depth way.

Or focus on certain topics like your relationships, your health, nature, etc.

Here are some gratitude journal prompts and activities that help me personally.

I hope they help you too! Maybe you can try doing some of them with your family over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Gratitude Journal Prompts

I am grateful for this:

Gratitude Activities

Gratitude Jar

Each day write down one thing you are grateful for on a piece of paper. Fold it and place it into the jar. Open the jar whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Gratitude Rock

Find a rock you like (because of the color, texture, or pattern, or because it’s from a special place, etc.) Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, hold the rock and remember all the things you are grateful for. Take a moment to be mindful and focus on the positive.

Gratitude Walk

Go for a walk outside. Nature has an amazing ability to calm the nerves, lift the spirit, and clear the head. As you walk, look in awe at the natural beauty all around you. Think of the things you are grateful for that you typically take for granted such as the air that fills your lungs, the trees that give you shade, or the legs that allowed you to go on the walk in the first place.

Happy Thanksgiving!
 

 Over to you … what are you grateful for? Leave a comment!

Share this & help someone else!

Head over to the Freebie Library (a regularly updated collection of free downloadable content) to download your Gratitude Prompts and Exercises.

Share this & help someone else!

A success mindset is key to achieving anything in life.

Your mindset is the foundation upon which everything else is built – your goals, actions, and ultimate outcomes all flow from the way you think.

That’s why it’s so important to develop and maintain an optimistic, confident mindset.

When you’re positive, life is happier and good things tend to flow your direction.

And although it does take some time and effort, you can achieve the success mindset you need to achieve your goals.

I’ve compiled a list of 30 simple activities you can do over the course of 30 days to enhance your outlook on yourself and your life.

Are you ready to participate in the 30-day success mindset challenge?

If so, let’s get started!

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission.  Please read the Disclaimer for more info.*

Head over to the Freebie Library 
to download your 30-Day Success Mindset Challenge!

Free 30-Day Success Mindset Challenge: 30 Activities in 30 Days

1. No complaining

It’s easy to get into the habit of complaining. “I’m tired”, “I don’t want to”, “I don’t like this”, etc.

Often, we don’t even realize how much complaining we actually do. And that’s unfortunate because it can really have a negative effect on our state of mind.

So, try to not complain for a whole day. Mindfully monitor what you say and make sure you are not voicing complaints.

*Bonus points if you shift your mental complaints to thoughts of gratitude (i.e. instead of “I hate working out or I have to work out”, think “I get to work out”.)

2. Transform 3 limiting beliefs

Do you have any limiting beliefs?

Chances are, you are harboring some negative beliefs about yourself, others, or the world in general that are holding you back.

But you have the power to transform those limiting beliefs to empowering ones.

For example, “I can’t” --> “I can’t yet”.

Identify 3 of your limiting beliefs and challenge yourself to transform them into empowering beliefs.

Check out this post for examples of some common limiting beliefs and how you can change them.

3. Repeat 3 positive affirmations

Ever heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”

Nothing could be further from the truth!

Words are powerful – both negative and positive.

Research shows that repeating self-affirmations can curb negative outcomes and improve education, health, and relationships.

The key to using affirmations for your success mindset is to state them in the positive and present tense.

So, for example a good self-affirmation would not be “I’m going to lose weight” but rather, “I love my body” or “I make healthy food choices and I am grateful for how my body works”.

Some other examples of positive affirmations include:

“I ... 

-love my life.”

-accomplish whatever I set my mind to.”

-am enough.”

-radiate confidence and optimism.”

4. Do a gratitude exercise

There are numerous benefits to expressing gratitude.

In today’s fast-paced, “bigger, better, more” society, it’s easy to lose sight of all the things we have to be grateful for.

But appreciating what we already have is essential to long-term happiness, confidence, and resilience.

To help adopt a success mindset, try doing a gratitude exercise like journaling. Write down what you are grateful for, such as:

• Act of kindness-
• Convenience-
• Display of mercy-
• Family member-
• Fortuitous event-
• Friend-
• Knowledge/lesson-
• Often overlooked blessing-
• Personality trait-
• Pleasant surprise-
• Simple thing-
• Skill/strength-
• Talent-
• Test of character-
• Teacher/Mentor-
• Unique experience-

Check out this article for more examples of gratitude journal prompts and exercises, which are also available for download in the Freebie Library. 

5. Meditate

There are so many science-backed benefits of meditation.

Not only does it naturally reduce stress & anxiety, enhance self-awareness, and improve self-esteem, it also helps us to maintain a success mindset.

Meditating for just 20 minutes a day will improve your mindset exponentially.

Try sitting still and allowing your thoughts to pass without judging them.

Simply acknowledge your negative thoughts objectively and let them pass, continuing to still your mind as much as you can.

Here’s a guided mindfulness meditation to help you:

6. Be mindful

Simply being mindful throughout your day can be dramatically transformative when it comes to maintaining a success mindset.

And the great thing is that you don’t need any special skills or an abundance of free time to do it.

You can be mindful while going about your daily routine.

Need some ideas on how to be more mindful? Here are 15 ways to incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life.

7. Do a social media detox

Social media can really harm your mental health and put a damper on your success mindset.

Studies have shown that despite its surface appearance of connectedness, social media can actually cause feelings of social isolation and depression.

Social media can be addictive and when you’re constantly online, it can lead to less overall life satisfaction – mainly because you’re not actually living your life.

Read this article for ideas on how to cut down on your social media usage & to get a free usage tracker.

8. Unfollow negative influences

While you’re at it, why not unfollow accounts/people that are having a negative effect on your mindset?

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When we compare ourselves to others, it can breed jealousy, low self-worth, and depression.

And the thing about social media is that we may not even be comparing ourselves to something that’s real.

Plenty of people only present what they want others to see online. And that creates a situation in which you’re comparing your real life to someone else’s fake highlight reel – not healthy!

So, go ahead and remove those negative influences from your feeds.

9. Journal

Journaling is one of the best ways to cultivate a success mindset.

It can help give you clarity and insight into challenging or confusing situations.

And it can help you work through the obstacles that are holding you back from success.

If you have trouble identifying or dealing with your feelings/emotions, journaling may help you to do so.

Set some time aside at the beginning or the end of your day to journal in whatever way helps you support your success mindset.

10. Perform an act of kindness

"For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.” – Saint Francis of Assisi

In helping others, you help yourself.

To have a positive mindset, you have to be in a good place mentally – and performing acts of kindness helps you do that.

By helping others out of the goodness of our hearts, we improve our emotional well-being and open ourselves up to success.

Today, do something for someone else without expecting anything in return. Notice the healing effects it has on your soul and how it improves your mindset.

11. Challenge yourself

Fear of failure is perhaps the single biggest thing that holds people back from their true potential.

That fear stems from a fixed mindset.

Those with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities, skills, and intelligence are immutable whereas those with a growth mindset believe that they are able to improve with effort over time.

Having a growth mindset allows you to not place so much emphasis on the outcome or external praise and rather focus on the internal satisfaction that comes from the journey.

Today, challenge yourself to do something new - and rather than be scared of the possibility of failure, be excited about the opportunity to learn and grow.

12. List 3 of your unique talents/skills

Sometimes, it’s easier to notice other people’s good qualities than to recognize your own.

Especially if you are humble or you struggle with self-confidence, it can be difficult to pursue big goals/dreams.

Chances are, you are capable of much more than you think and you have way more going for you than you give yourself credit for.

Today, list 3 of your unique talents/skills. What do you excel at that most others do not?

If you have trouble with this exercise, try to think of yourself as your family or friends would – maybe even ask them what some of your best qualities are.

13. Don't judge others negatively

It’s simply not nice to go around judging others negatively – just think, would you want someone to do that to you?

Remember that it’s not really about the person whom you are judging, but rather it’s about you.

So, for example if you are insecure about your appearance, you may be more likely to judge others about theirs.

Those with a healthy success mindset do not feel the need to judge others negatively. Instead, they look for the good and give people the benefit of the doubt.

14. List 3 positive characteristics

List 3 positive characteristics about yourself.

Are you a kind and empathetic person?

Are you a loyal, trustworthy companion?

Do you have a good work ethic?

Everyone has positive characteristics that will help them to succeed in life.

Recognize these qualities in yourself and think about how they will facilitate the accomplishment of your goals.

15. Name something you’re proud of

What are you most proud of?

And what does that say about you?

Acknowledging our past accomplishments (and knowing what we are capable of) helps us to succeed in the future.

This is a great exercise especially if you tend to doubt your abilities or potential.

Download this as a PDF in the Freebie Library!

16. Learn from a role model

Having a role model to look up to isn’t just for kids.

As adults, role models can motivate us and show us examples of what’s possible.

Seeing and emulating their habits of success is extremely useful when it comes to self-improvement.

Who’s your role model?

If it’s someone you don’t personally know, research everything you can about them to see how they got to where they are today.

If it’s someone you do know personally, ask them questions. Gaining insight into their trials and tribulations, failures, and inspiration can help you form a powerful success mindset.

17. Learn from past failures

Every failure is a learning opportunity.

So, think about a time when things didn’t go as you desired.

What lesson did you learn from that and how can that benefit you in the future?

Today, reflect upon your “failures” and rather than ruminate on the negative aspects, focus on the valuable lessons they taught you.

18. Write down your definition of success

If you’ve been a reader of this blog for a while, then you know that I believe in having your own definition of success.

Society would have you believe that certain things make you successful like money, possessions, popularity, looks, etc.

But, those things are not fulfilling for everybody.

Each person has their own vision of happiness, success, and fulfillment.

It’s important to identify what that vision is for you so that you will know what you are working towards and when you have achieved it.

So today, write down your definition of success.

19. Get inspired 

Nothing puts you in a success mindset like motivational/ inspirational content.

So, watch a TED Talk, listen to a podcast, or read a book.

No one can stay motivated all the time – it waxes and wanes. But, in order to reach your goals, you need to make sure your motivation doesn’t disappear entirely.

Read this article for more tips on how to motivate yourself to chase your dreams.

20. Declutter your physical environment

It’s hard to maintain a positive mindset if your physical environment is cluttered.

Mess creates stress!

So, clean up your space. You need an environment that promotes success. Especially if you are working from home.

Depending on how big or messy your home is, you may want to tackle only one room at a time.

Today, clean and organize at least one room.

21. Do a brain dump

Your physical environment is not the only thing that needs regular clean-ups.

Your brain does as well!

One of the biggest causes of overwhelm is when we have too much on our minds.

Getting all that information out on paper really helps to reduce the stress that comes with day to day life.

Check out this post for instructions on how to do a brain dump and download your free brain dump worksheets from the Freebie Library.

22. Write down 1 goal

Research shows that writing down your goals makes you significantly more likely to actually achieve them.

So today, write down one goal that you have for yourself. Getting clarity on exactly what you want to achieve is the first step towards achieving it.

Stick to only one big goal. Even if you have several, focusing on only one at a time will help ensure that you don’t get overwhelmed and wind up dropping the ball or perpetually having lots of unfinished goals at once.

There are some goal setting worksheets in the Freebie Library to help you set SMART big goals and break them down into manageable mini-goals.

23. Find the silver lining

“Character is forged in the fires of adversity.”

Think of a negative event that happened to you and find the silver lining.

Usually, it’s not all bad and you can identify something beneficial about the situation.

Did it provide you with an opportunity to learn something?

Has it made you stronger, wiser, better in some way?

Did it pave the way for something better to come into your life?

Personally, what helps me get through bad times is remembering that even the most stressful, uncomfortable, or heartbreaking situations provide opportunities for personal/spiritual growth.

24. Identify an opportunity for improvement 

One of the best ways to increase your confidence and enhance your success mindset is to improve yourself.

Self-improvement comes in many forms – it can relate to your physical being, intelligence, habits, mindset, career, or whatever aspect of your life you want to improve.

Check out this post for guidance on how to create a personal development plan.

25. Get active

There are tons of mental health benefits to exercise.

Research has shown that it relieves stress and anxiety, boosts happiness, improves sleep and memory, increases self-esteem, and helps with overcoming trauma.

So today, get those endorphins going!

If you already exercise regularly, try something new and challenge yourself.

I recommend yoga and walking/hiking/running outside for their mood-boosting effects.

26. Listen to music

Music is uniquely powerful in its ability to affect our mood.

It can not only lift the spirits but music has also been shown to enhance athletic performance, promote a state of flow, alleviate stress and anxiety, and even accelerate healing.

It doesn’t have to be any particular type of music; simply listen to whatever motivates you.

27. Contact a supportive friend

Studies show that friends help us to stay healthy, perform better, and achieve more.

So, reach out to someone who is supportive of you and your life goals.

Just talking to that person and reminding yourself that there are people who believe in you can give you a much-needed mental boost.

28. Get at least 8 hours of sleep

Lack of adequate sleep affects your body and mind in several profound ways.

To name a few, being sleepy impairs memory and reaction time, makes you more likely to make poor decisions, and makes it more difficult to learn.

Additionally, it can put a damper on your mood, making you more cranky and negative – not good if you’re trying to maintain a success mindset!

So tonight, make sure you get a full 8-9 hours of sleep (and don’t be scrolling on your phone before bed! The blue light interferes with your circadian rhythm and inhibits your body’s production of melanin, the sleep hormone).

29. Name 3 good things that happened to you today

Today, write down 3 good things that happened to you.

It doesn’t have to be something huge like winning the lotto. It can be small things like having a moment of peace, sharing a moment of laughter, or enjoying a meal.

Being more mindful and appreciating the simple things in life leads to an improved mindset and a happier life.

This goes hand in hand with gratitude – taking time to savor your experiences and celebrate your accomplishments will help you to develop a positive, success mindset.

30. List 3 inspirational quotes

Quotes, like music, can evoke emotions within us and inspire us to take action.

Keeping certain quotes in mind can really go a long way towards maintaining a success mindset.

Put yourself in the right frame of mind today by either reminding yourself of some of your favorite quotes or learning some new ones.

Here are a few I love:

Inspirational Quotes

- “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” -J. K. Rowling, The Harry Potter Series

- “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  – Albert Einstein

- “The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

- “Men spend their lives in anticipations, in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other – it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age.”- Charles Caleb Colton

- “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

- “Don’t wait; the time will never be just right.” -Napoleon Hill

Check out this article for more inspirational quotes about life, love, and happiness.

Are you planning on participating in this 30 Day Success Mindset Challenge? Which activity are you most looking forward to? Tell me in the comments!

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In my experience with this blog, one of the most common things people ask for help with is Motivation.

Many people (myself included) struggle with getting and staying motivated.

It can be difficult to maintain your enthusiasm, especially when you have big dreams that require sustained effort to achieve or when you're struggling with anxiety and/or depression.

But, I’ve found that there are ways to keep yourself motivated even when you’re feeling sad, scared or just plain lazy.

So, here are 10 tried and true tips that help me stay motivated to chase my dreams. I hope they work for you too!

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission.  Please read the Disclaimer for more info.*

First of all,

Why is it so hard to stay motivated?

Aside from the fact that we’re all human and therefore inevitably falter from time to time, there are reasons why it is so hard to stay motivated to chase your dreams.

Here are some reasons why you might be struggling with motivation:

Do any of these reasons resonate with you?

Lack of motivation is not synonymous with laziness or apathy – there is usually an underlying reason why you are having such a hard time staying motivated.

Once you pinpoint what that reason is, you can go about fixing the issue so you can get back on track.

Head over to the Freebie Library
(a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable self-help content) 

10 Tried and True Tips to Motivate Yourself to Chase Your Dreams

1. Remember your “why”

Why do you want to achieve that particular goal?

Remembering why you are chasing your dream is often just the push you need to keep going.

If you’re having trouble staying committed, it might be worth examining if you should even be chasing that dream in the first place.

Is it for your own personal growth or is it really for someone else?

Is the journey itself intrinsically valuable or is it all about getting to the reward at the end?

The answers to these questions will help you to see whether you have set an intrinsic goal (internally driven, inherently satisfying to pursue) or an extrinsic goal (extrinsically driven, pursued to gain the approval of others or other external signs of self-worth).

Maybe you’ve been holding onto a definition of success that doesn’t really align with your core values.

Re-examine that definition, along with your goal, and decide what you truly want to do with your “one wild and precious life”.

When you have a solid “why”, it will be much easier to stay motivated to achieve your goal.

*How Well Do You Know Yourself? 71 Questions

2. Examine your thoughts (and actions)

"Failure is success in progress." -Albert Einstein

I’ve had more than my fair share of failures and hardships in life.

And because of that, it’s easy for me to slip into negative thought patterns like “That’s just how things are” or “I’ll never be successful at XYZ”.

So, if you’re feeling unmotivated, examine your thoughts – after all, they influence your actions.

Are you harboring any limiting beliefs? Do you have confidence in yourself? Are you engaging in any self-sabotaging behavior?

Sometimes, it’s not actually a lack of motivation but a lack of self-belief that holds us back.

If you have low self-efficacy (confidence in your ability to accomplish your goals), that may be why you aren’t making as much progress as you’d like.

Remember that adversity is an opportunity for growth. 

Don’t be discouraged - through your struggles, you are becoming more resilient and gaining all the wisdom you need to succeed.

*Related post: Change your limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs - free worksheet included

Motivate Yourself to Chase Your Dreams

3. Treat yourself right

If you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s no wonder you’re struggling with motivation!

When you are so focused on working towards your goal that you neglect your physical and/or mental health, trust me you will eventually burn out and (ironically) not achieve your goal.

Self-care must come first, especially when you are working towards long-term goals.

How do you expect your body and mind to serve you if you aren’t giving them what they need to function optimally?

That’s why it’s so important to exercise, eat a healthy anti-anxiety diet, meditate, and be mindful.

Remember how special your existence truly is and what a blessing it is to be alive – take care of your health no matter what else is going on in your life.

*Self-Care for Introverts/HSP/Empaths
*DIY Anxiety Self-Care Box

4.Trick yourself into action

If you’re having trouble getting started or you’re feeling stuck, you might just have to trick yourself into action.

How?

By doing one small thing.

Do one push up. Clean one drawer. Make one phone call. Eliminate one unhealthy food from your diet. Write one sentence. Read one page.

The accomplishment of that one little thing can give you just the burst of motivation you need to keep going.

And hey, even if you don’t, at least you’re ahead of where you were before!

By doing just one little thing that moves you closer to your goal, you’re showing yourself that what seemed overwhelming is actually do-able!

So, determine what it will take to achieve your big goal and then chunk it down into smaller and smaller steps until you have something tiny that you can do right now - and do it.

*Here's a related post on setting goals and some free goal-setting worksheets to help you.

5. Find inspiration

Sometimes, all it takes is a little inspiration to re-light the fire in your soul.

There are many sources of inspiration, for example:

Don’t wait to be inspired – seek out inspiration.

No one can stay 100% motivated all the time; we all need a little boost every now and then.

So, see what works for you and use it to your advantage whenever your motivation starts to wane.

Motivate Yourself to Chase Your Dreams

6. Plan a celebration

It can help to have something to look forward to other than the accomplishment of the goal itself.

Especially if it’s a long-term life goal.

Recognizing and celebrating all your accomplishments along the way can help keep you motivated to pursue your dreams.

Your brain registers them as “wins” and celebrating them helps to reinforce a success mindset.

Each time you accomplish something, you prove to yourself that you are capable and effective.

So, plan a celebration for whenever you achieve a minor milestone -it doesn’t have to be anything big or even technically a “celebration”. As long as it’s an expression of acknowledgement and appreciation for your efforts, you’re on the right track.

Some ways to celebrate your small wins include: crossing it off your list (oh so satisfying!), taking a break to do something you enjoy, eating a special meal or treat, buying yourself something you’ve been wanting, expressing gratitude, going out with friends, etc.

7. Imagine your life with and without the accomplishment of your goal

If you want to motivate yourself to chase your dreams and reach your goals, remind yourself of what’s at stake.

Imagine what your life would be like if you reached your goal. What would change? How would things improve for you?

Think of all the specific benefits you would enjoy.

Also, imagine what your life would be like if you did not pursue your passion/reach your goal.

Could you live with it or would you have regrets? How will your actions (or inaction) affect others?

Think of the consequences of procrastinating, making excuses, losing focus, or not staying committed to your goal – you’ll probably end up being right where you are.

If you don’t take action, you can’t expect results.

8. Educate yourself

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else.” – David Campbell

How much do you really know about your dream? Have you learned everything you can about it? Do you have a clear vision of your goal?

If you don’t have enough information, you can’t set your sights on your goal with enough precision.

Your vision is the foundation upon which all your thoughts regarding - and actions towards - your goal are built. 

Lack of focus and direction can derail you from your path and cause you to lose motivation since you're not getting any closer to making your dream a reality (even though you've been working so hard) . 

So, learn everything you can about your goal, what it will take to achieve it, it's benefits, the ways in which it will change your life, etc. 

 Motivate Yourself to Chase Your Dreams

9. Organize and decorate your environment

Your physical environment is so important when it comes to motivation.

It can either energize or drain you. Spark creativity or distract you from your work. Enhance your mood or bring you down.

So, examine your surroundings – are there things that are sabotaging your success?

Like if you’re trying to lose weight, are there cookies, chips, etc. in an easily accessible location? Try not bringing unhealthy foods into the house –you will for sure eat less of them because you will not want to go to the store every time you have a craving!

If you’re trying to write a novel, do you have Facebook or Instagram open on your computer?

Also, are there any distractions? Clutter, mess, or just too many objects in your visual field can contribute to stress and procrastination.

How’s the temperature? Lighting? Are there any unpleasant odors?

Solve these issues so that you can put your full attention back where it belongs.

*You may also need to organize all the thoughts in your brain as well by doing a brain dump – there are some worksheets included in the post to help you.*

10. Remember that we are all going to die

Sometimes, we don’t chase our dreams because we’re scared to put ourselves out there and get judged, or we’re afraid to fail, or we’re afraid that we’ll make a fool of ourselves, or whatever.

It may seem weird, but whenever I know that fear is getting in the way of my dreams, it helps to ponder my own mortality.

Because I (like all of us) will eventually die. And even best case scenario, “eventually” is not that far away ... humans are currently only living to at most 115-120 years old.

That’s pretty short in the scheme of things! Seeing as how our tiny lifespan is such an insignificant blip in time, shouldn’t we be doing everything we can while we're alive to achieve happiness and fulfillment?

And since we’ll all be gone anyway, it doesn’t really matter if you embarrassed yourself or you failed - all that truly matters is that you lived.

Carpe diem!

I hope these tips help you motivate yourself to keep chasing your dreams.

Also, I’d love to know - what inspires you to keep going? Tell me in the comments!

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Valentine’s Day is right around the corner!

When I was younger, I used to dread this time of year because I didn’t have a romantic partner to share the holiday with.

But now I appreciate Valentine’s Day for the celebration of love that it is.

Romantic love, friendly love, motherly love – all deserve to be cherished and celebrated.

There is, however, one type of love that is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Unconditional love.

It’s the greatest gift we can give one another. I also believe it’s an important element of our spiritual growth/personal development and the answer to many of the world’s problems.

But, exactly what is unconditional love? And can we learn to love unconditionally?

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

Conditional Love vs. Unconditional Love

Conditional love is just that – conditional.

It is dependent upon something and will therefore only be given if certain expectations are met; there is some sort of exchange involved.

For example, a:

Unconditional love, on the other hand, is given freely.

It’s not dependent on whether someone meets your expectations or gives you something in return. It is limitless and altruistic.

When I think of unconditional love, what comes to mind is a mother’s love for her baby.

Loving someone unconditionally means loving them for who they are, not what they do.

This means accepting the good with the bad - you love them for their true essence.

Unconditional love is selfless; there are no strings attached and it is given without an expectation of reciprocation.

It is not based on any specific factors, outcomes, or fulfillment of conditions.

In my opinion, unconditional love is a rare and precious gift both to give and to receive.

So, how can we cultivate more unconditional love in our lives?

How to Love Unconditionally

The concept of unconditional love is not really taught in school or promoted in society.

So, it’s not necessarily something that comes naturally to everyone.

But that doesn’t mean that we can’t learn to love unconditionally.

Spreading love has many surprising health benefits, including:

Unconditional Love: How to Feel it and Spread it

“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all, in your own home. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor . . . Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”
- Mother Teresa

What do you want to see more of in the world? Empathy? Love? Peace? Happiness?

Extend those things forth yourself.

In doing so, you increase empathy, love, peace, and happiness in the world and you contribute to making it a better place.

Here are 8 tips to spread more love!

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(a regularly updated collection of free, downloadable self-help content)

1. Love Yourself

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” -Max Ehrmann

Perhaps the best place to start when it comes to unconditional love is with yourself.

Accepting yourself with all your faults and imperfections can be easier said than done!

Some ways you can love yourself unconditionally include:

-forgiving your transgressions (remember you are not the same person so don't continue beating yourself up for your past mistakes)
-healing your emotional traumas (breath work, yoga, meditation), and
-practicing self-care.

2. Do random acts of kindness

“There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.” -The Dalai Lama

4. Find inspiration

Find inspiration in others’ actions, quotes, role models, etc.

My favorite unconditional love quote is from the Bible:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” -1 Corinthians 13:4

I really love the first part- love is patient.

Merriam Webster defines patience as:
“the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”
...
“[b]earing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, etc.”

Such calm fortitude and the ability to control your emotions really helps to foster an environment in which unconditional love can grow both for others and for yourself.

5. Respect and appreciate others’ differences

Respect and appreciate others for who they are, even if their opinions or choices are different than yours.

The key to unconditional love is compassion, not judgment.

So, instead of wishing someone were more in alignment with your likes, opinions, or expectations, accept them for exactly who they are.

Don’t seek to control them; rather, accept the bad with the good and allow people to be who they are.

This doesn’t mean that you have to accept whatever someone dishes out – you have to look out for yourself too!

It’s important to set boundaries and sometimes that means unconditionally loving someone from afar.

6. Give without expecting anything in return

Unconditional love means wanting to see someone be their best self and being willing to help them along in that journey.

When you extend help in the spirit of unconditional love, you give it freely without expecting reciprocation … pro bono love, not quid pro quo love.

Not expecting anything in return also means not expecting someone to act a certain way, meet certain standards, etc.

Showing love only when someone does these things in return is actually conditional love.

Such conditional love and approval can be harmful (especially to children) because it sends the message that they are only worthy of love if they satisfy some external benchmark.

This kind of mindset can lead to perfectionism, anxiety, and a persistent feeling of never being good enough ... it diminishes autonomy, self-esteem and overall mental health.

So, we need to be mindful and ask ourselves if we are actually showing unconditional love or if we are attempting to exert some form of control over someone.

7. Prioritize kindness over being right/winning

To extend unconditional love, we must prioritize kindness over being right or winning.

Loving someone unconditionally means focusing on their true essence rather than their external behavior.

We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we are all just doing the best we can with the skills and level of awareness that we currently have.

If you truly love someone, being right or winning an argument or holding a grudge is not more important than your relationship with them.

Ultimately, choosing kindness (forgiveness) over being right/winning (your ego) will bring you so much more peace and happiness.  

8. Recognize that happiness is a choice

In psychology, there is a concept called hedonic adaptation.

It basically means that despite external events (good or bad), people return to a baseline level of happiness.

No external thing will make you happy or sad forever – you eventually return to your genetic set point, which accounts for 50% of your happiness.

The other 50% is comprised of life circumstances - (10%) and your choices -(40%).

So, happiness is largely a choice. It’s something you intentionally pursue through your thoughts and actions.

And like happiness (and gratitude), unconditional love is a choice.

Do you want to choose happiness? Do you want to choose unconditional love?

You have the power to choose who you want to be and what kind of life you want to live.

Over to you … what does love mean to you? Leave a comment!

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When someone hurts you, it can be difficult to forgive them.

Especially when they’re not even sorry!

But focusing on the pain they caused and the wrongness of their actions only keeps us from healing.

You don’t have to continue hurting due to someone else’s behavior. You can choose to forgive them even if they haven’t apologized or shown remorse for what they did.

Through forgiveness, you can obtain peace of mind and freedom from the pain.

This is something I am currently working on so I wanted to share these 7 tips with you. They’ve been working for me - I hope they also help you to forgive someone who has hurt you (even if they’re not sorry).

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

1. Look for the deeper meaning.

Do you believe that things happen for a reason?

I do!

I believe that some people are in your life to test you, to teach you a life lesson, to make you a better person, to ultimately help you advance in your spiritual journey.

What seems like an unbearable hardship at the time can often turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes, we don’t realize until much later that we are actually glad that the “bad” thing happened.

So, be grateful for your trials and tribulations – they are helping you to become the person you need to be in order to deal with something that’s going to happen later.

Every obstacle presents you with an opportunity to shape your character, to become a stronger, wiser, better person.

So, ask yourself - what is the underlying lesson this is all trying to teach you?

How will it help you to grow and advance in your spiritual/personal development?

2. Change your thoughts.

When something bad happens, do you sadistically torture yourself even further by replaying the event over and over in your mind?

That’s called rumination … don’t do it!

Ruminating does not help you to heal, it only keeps you stuck in a loop of pain. In fact, replaying past hurtful events makes your brain experience them as if they were happening all over again.

So, allow yourself to feel the hurt, anger, etc. but don’t allow yourself to wallow.

More and more, try to distance yourself from the emotional pain of those feelings. Try to heal the trauma, not feed it.

We can control our thoughts – which shape our beliefs, guide our actions, and ultimately create our reality.

Shift your perspective. Recognize the fleeting nature of all things in life, including the pain that the person caused you.

Once you’ve learned the lesson from what happened, allow yourself to become increasingly detached from the emotional effects of it, as they no longer serve a purpose for you.

Aside from time some things that help with forgiveness are meditation, mindfulness, mantras, breathing exercises and yoga.

 Check out the Freebie Library!
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How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You (Even When They're Not Sorry)
3. Remember what’s in your control.

You can’t control others’ behavior; you can only control your own.

In our core, we all know this to be true, but sometimes (especially when you don’t understand why someone did what they did) we can lose sight of it.

What that person did is already done and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

You can’t change what happened and you can’t change them.

What you can do is minimize the damage. Mitigate the effect that it has on you.

Decide how you want to react, what kind of person you want to be … that puts the power back in your hands.

Don’t allow yourself to be a passive victim of the situation. Take charge of the things you can control and write your own story.

Related article: How to Deal with Negative People

4. Understand that it’s not your job to administer justice/retribution.

Let go of the concept of “fair”.

It’s not fair what they did, it’s not fair that you have to go through this, etc.

At some point, everyone feels that life can be extremely unfair. Things don’t always go the way we think we should and people don’t always act the way we would.

We can’t right all the wrongs and all the unfairness and injustice in the world. That’s not our job (and it’s not even possible!).

It is not your responsibility to right the scales of justice or to exact retribution … and if there’s a voice telling you that it is your responsibility, recognize that it’s your ego talking, not your higher self.

Remember, you are not without fault. As humans, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Wouldn’t you like to be forgiven if the tables were turned?

If so, try to forgive someone who hurt you - even if all you can do at first is not act out in anger or seek revenge.

It is far more important to be kind than to be right.

“Someone must risk returning injury with kindness or hostility will never return to goodwill. So, the wise always give without expecting gratitude.” -Lao Tzu

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* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

TED Talks on Confidence
#1. Self-Confidence - Cece Olisa - TEDx Fresno State

TED Talks on Confidence
#2. Creative Confidence - David Kelley

Author and Stanford d. school creator, David Kelley doesn't buy into the idea that there is a divide between "creatives" and "practical people".

He believes that we're all creative but somewhere along the line, we opt out of thinking about ourselves as creative.

How Our Creative Confidence Gets Destroyed

In this TED Talk on creativity, David recounts a story from his childhood to illustrate this point.

His classmate, Brian was making a clay horse when a girl came up to him and asked what he was making. Brian replied that he was making a horse and the girl said something along the lines of, "That looks terrible! That doesn't look anything like a horse!"

Brian tossed his clay horse aside and sadly, David never saw Brian do a project like that again.

We all must have a story like this! I remember when I was in elementary school, our assignment was to show the class a talent/hobby we were working on.

My (extra-curricular) ballet teacher and I diligently worked on a short performance for the assignment. 

Well, that day (back when there were no iPhones, etc) the teacher had technical difficulties getting my music to play so it took a while before I could do my dance, which was a very short beginner piece.

After I finished the dance, my teacher exclaimed in frustration, "That's it? We waited all this time for that?"

If you know anything about ballet, you know that it is very technical and takes lots of practice before you can do pirouettes and grand jetes!

Needless to say, I was extremely hurt and still remember that scarring remark to this day.

These are the kinds of influences that lead us to think of ourselves as "not good at" something ... the kinds of things that hold us from chasing our dreams because we have a fear of judgment.

We Can Build Confidence Through Guided Mastery

David says that we can overcome this kind of self-destructive thinking and we should - because it simply isn't true and it doesn't do us any good.

In a previous post, I discussed the concept of self-efficacy (the belief that you can do what you set out to do). This type of confidence is essential if you want to accomplish your life goals. 

David Kelley actually met with Psychologist Albert Bandura, who coined the term "self-efficacy" and believes that it is the single most powerful predictor of success. 

David wanted to talk to him about how he manages to cure people's phobias at an extremely high success rate, how he manages to help people overcome their sense of insecurity.

Bandura explained to him that he did it through "guided mastery".

Guided mastery is the process of taking baby steps and enjoying small successes to overcome fear.

For example, someone who is scared of snakes would first be told that there was a snake in the next room, then they would take steps toward the door, step inside the room, etc. etc. until eventually they were touching and holding the snake. 

David encourages us to take that first baby step -- you might surprise yourself! Countless opportunities will open up to you when you begin to move from fear to familiarity. 

TED Talks on Confidence
#3. Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are - Amy Cuddy

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy set out to determine whether you can "fake it 'till you make it".

She had already seen how body language influences power dynamics among both animals and people.

When we feel powerful, we open up and take up more space; when we feel weak, we make ourselves smaller and take up less space. 

It works both ways -- if we open up and take up more space, we feel more powerful; if we make ourselves smaller and take up less space, we feel weaker. 

How Non-Verbal Communication Influences Our Confidence

And this non-verbal communication not only influences how people think of us but also how we think of ourselves. 

Role changes shape the mind -- animals who are forced into an alpha role have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol (higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol are also found in powerful people).

So, in her study, Amy had people hold either high power poses or low power poses for two minutes. Their saliva samples were taken before and after. 

She found that the people who performed the high power poses had decreased cortisol, and increased testosterone. 

And those who performed the low power poses had higher levels of cortisol, and decreased testosterone. 

Here are some power poses to practice if you want to give it a try:

It's amazing how such tiny tweaks can lead to big changes!

So, in this TED Talk on creativity, Amy says that our:

-Mind changes our body
-Body changes our mind
-Mind changes our behavior
-Behavior changes our outcome

She concludes that you shouldn't "fake it 'till you make it" but rather "fake it 'till you become it".

TED Talks on Confidence
#4. Meet Yourself - A User's Guide to Building Self-Esteem - Niko Everett - TEDx Youth @ Bommer Canyon

Jen Oliver counsels us to stop looking for external validation of our worth and love ourselves to the core.

She advises us to replace competition and scarcity with compassion and kindness -- what she calls "magnanimous love".

The average person thinks 70,000 thoughts in a single day. And 80% of them are negative, either towards ourselves or someone else.

Did you know that positive emotions actually strengthens the heart? And that negative emotions harden our arteries?

Be Kind to Yourself

Jen gives us good advice in this TED Talk on creativity- don't be your own worst enemy. Trust that you are worthy because of who you are on the inside. Replace your negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. 

Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering ones. Build new neural connections and lift your vibration. Breathe into your heart and feel the love. 

Keep trying, even if you think you can't at first. "Innercise" is just as important as "exercise".

Jen leaves us with the secret ingredient to loving yourself to the core -- gratitude. 

TED Talks on Confidence

*Bonus*#6. How to Become More Confident - Till H. Groß

This is another inspiring motivational TED Talk on confidence.

It centers around "comfort zone challenges" where you put yourself in situations that make you insecure.

Till's version of "feel the fear and do it anyway": lay down in the street for 30 seconds!

Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure therapy, Till advises us to retrain our autonomic nervous system by confronting our particular insecurities over and over again. 

I hope these TED Talks on Creativity helped you! Got any other suggestions? Leave a comment!

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