Moving is one of the most stressful things you can go through! That’s why it is important to take care of yourself during this transition. Pay a little extra attention to self-care. If you don’t already have a self-care routine in place, this is the perfect time to get one established.

Between the packing and planning and expenses, it’s no wonder moving is consistently ranked as the most stressful life event. And as we know from the Journal of Psychosomatic Research -Holmes & Rahe Stress Assessment, going through a lot of changes in a short period of time (a year) can wreak havoc on your health.

Having relocated six times in the last five years (we're currently in Colorado Springs!), I feel like somewhat of a moving expert. And now, you can benefit from my experience; in this post, I’m going to share some helpful tips on moving out of state to make the whole process easier.

Download this printable Moving Checklist Bundle PDF and start organizing your move!

What Makes Moving So Stressful?

Identifying the cause of stress is the first step to mitigating it. When you can identify your likely stressors, you can then manage them proactively.

So, why is moving so stressful? Of course, the answer to that differs from person to person, but here are some common reasons for moving stress:

-Financial constraints

Moving can be expensive, especially if you’re making a cross-country move like I did.

The average cost of a long-distance move is around $5,000 but it can be anywhere from $2,400 to $15,000 depending on various factors such as whether you hire movers or tow a vehicle. And that’s not even including other expenses like storage, moving supplies, and travel fees.

If you’re not careful, all the little things can add up to a lot! So, setting a budget for moving costs and keeping track of your expenses is crucial.

-Time constraints

Preparing for a move is time consuming. And if you have a set move-in date, the clock is ticking – no extensions. The stress of that alone could be paralyzing!

But now is not the time to procrastinate. You’ll want to leave yourself plenty of time to get everything done. Use the pressure to help you focus and prioritize, but don’t let it overwhelm you.

The single most important thing to do when it comes to reducing the stress of your move is making a Moving Checklist. Seeing on paper all the things you have to get done helps you stay organized and ensures that nothing important slips through the cracks.

As you tackle the tasks one by one, you can then cross them off the list and feel a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate these little wins!

-Disruption to Routine

You’ll probably have to prepare for the move while maintaining your everyday activities such as going to work, exercising, taking care of kids, etc. These moving preparations can disrupt your normal routine, especially as the moving date draws closer.

There will also be a period of adjustment once you get to the new place. So, it is important to safeguard your well-being during this time.

Moving is actually a great opportunity to increase your resilience. You will come out on the other side of this move – and when you do, you will be stronger and better equipped to cope, adapt, pivot, bounce back, and overcome all of life’s challenges.

-Change/Fear of the Unknown

One of the scariest things about moving is leaving behind beloved family, friends, and places. Even if you know that you’re moving in order to elevate your life, fear of the unknown can be unsettling. Mindset is especially important when it comes to this.

If you feel scared, try and shift that feeling to one of curiosity. Instead of, “I’m scared of what the future holds”, try thinking, “I’m curious what the future holds.” You’re still uncertain, just without a negative bias. Curiosity leaves open the possibility for something wonderful to happen.

This reminds me of the powerful question that Mel Robbins invites us to ask ourselves – what if everything works out?

Fear-based thinking often involves thoughts like, “what if something goes wrong with the move?”, “what if I can’t get a job?”, “what if the children don’t like their new school?”, “what if the pets aren’t happy in the new place?”

Instead of allowing those thoughts to take root, replace them with, “what if everything works out?”. And then really ponder that. Envision everything working out exactly as you want it to and feel the feelings that come with it.

-Labor & Logistics

Moving can be physically and mentally demanding, especially if you don’t hire help. Packing up all your belongings and organizing everything from boxes to appointments requires effort. And once you get to your new place, there’ll be the logistics of getting settled in.

Don’t underestimate the toll that this can take on your physical and mental health. Prioritizing yourself and making time for self-care is crucial for a smooth transition.

Tips for an Easier Out-of-State Move

Relocating anywhere requires a lot of planning and organization – even more so when it comes to long-distance, out-of-state, or cross-country moves. Here are some of my hard-won moving tips to help you be better equipped for your adventure!

Have a plan

Planning is the single best thing you can do to reduce stress. This is because through a process called “proactive coping”, you can prevent stress from building in the first place.

A lot of times, we’ll get overwhelmed because we don’t realize how many stress factors are actually present or how long we’ve been under stress. 

By planning ahead (and using your Moving Checklist), you are in a better position to assess risks and tackle potential issues while remaining flexible enough to embrace serendipitous occurrences. Simply knowing what your goals are and how you plan on accomplishing them goes a long way towards alleviating stress.

Start early

There’s nothing worse than being pressed for time, especially when it comes to something as important and complex as an out-of-state move. That’s why you’ve got to leave yourself enough time to get everything done.

I started prepping for my most recent move 2 months out –and I’m so glad I did; this was our smoothest and most organized move yet! 

Overestimate time & expenses

One thing I’ve learned throughout my six moves in five years is that you should overestimate two things:

-the time it takes to get everything done, and
-how much everything will cost.

Through a cognitive bias called “the planning fallacy”, our brains tend to underestimate the time and effort needed to complete a task. In order to overcome this, we need to “pad” the numbers.

Give yourself a buffer.

So, let’s say you think it will take 2-3 weeks to pack the house. Give yourself 4-5 weeks. You think it will cost $500 in gas. Estimate gas costs at $1,250.

This way, if you don’t need as much time or things don’t cost as much, great! You come out ahead. You can use that extra time and money to do something nice for yourself.

Be organized & methodical

A cluttered and disorganized environment can make you anxious and less productive. The same thing goes for your brain. Mental clutter, just like physical clutter, can cause overwhelm.

So, if you’ve got an endless list of “things to do” running through your mind, you may want to clear up some mental space by creating a checklist for yourself.

This works similarly to the “Brain Dump”; by getting everything out on paper (i.e. moving checklist, moving expenses, etc.), you can more clearly see what needs to be done, prioritize accordingly, and keep track of where you’re at in the process.

Visualize yourself doing it

When you visualize yourself reaching a goal, you’re training your brain to help you accomplish it. This mental rehearsal creates new neural pathways to support the reality you envisioned.

Visualizing success is a common practice among athletes including Muhammad Ali and Tiger Woods. Studies (especially in sports) have consistently shown that visualization actually improves performance.

This is because the same parts of the brain are activated when you visualize yourself doing something and when you act it out.

So, even if you’ve never done something before, by imagining yourself doing it successfully, you can enhance your performance when the time actually comes for you to do it.

Use mental imagery to imagine yourself gliding through the moving process with ease. See yourself taking all the necessary steps to accomplish your move and then feel the relief of knowing that everything went the way it was supposed to go.

Practice self-care

As with any undertaking, self-care is one of the keys to success.

Here’s an analogy. If your knife gets dull, it is advisable to sharpen the blade. After it’s sharpened, the knife cuts better and the chances of injury are reduced. If you don’t take the time to sharpen the blade, it will continue to get duller and duller until you simply can’t use it anymore.

Similarly, if you get tired or stressed it is advisable to take a break. Once you are feeling rejuvenated, you’ll perform better, and the chances of injury or illness are reduced. If you don’t take time for self-care, you will continue to wear yourself down to the point that you develop a physical or mental disease (or both).

All the things you work so hard for won’t mean a thing if you aren’t there to enjoy them! Taking care of yourself is not selfish or wrong; your physical and mental health depend on it.

Self-care is disease prevention. Practicing self-care allows you to be healthier, happier, more productive, more creative, more energetic --- the list of benefits goes on and on. 

Prioritize self-care! Moving is stressful and protecting your health is crucial during this transition.

Printable Moving Checklist PDF

Visit my Etsy shop to download this Printable Moving Bundle I created to make your move easier.

It includes:

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Gratitude-Colored Glasses

Are you familiar with the phrase “rose-colored glasses”? It’s used to describe a person who sees the world in a romanticized way, focusing only on the positive and failing to acknowledge any problems, perhaps leading to an unrealistically optimistic outlook on life.

On the flip side, sometimes when things aren’t going our way or we’re struggling with our mental health, we tend to look at things through a negative lens. We’re already expecting and accepting the worst. Even if something good were to happen, we might not even recognize it because our brains are trained to see the worst in any given scenario.

During these times especially, it is important to keep perspective. By looking at things through a lens of gratitude, we can more clearly see that while it may not be all good, it’s not all bad either. And there are always things to be grateful for. 

Putting on “gratitude-colored glasses” allows us to see the whole picture and to have a more positive outlook on life. We don’t ignore our problems; we simply allow gratitude to coexist with them.

We can identify our stressors and acknowledge our feelings while still giving thanks for our blessings. Rewiring the brain for positivity in this way makes us more resilient and better able to handle life’s difficulties with grace.

But it can be difficult to know where to start and exactly how to express gratitude in an effectual way. In this post, I will help you to:

-Identify Your Stressors,
-Name Your Emotions, and
-List Your Blessings

Only when you’re aware of the stressors in your life and the emotions that they stir up in you is it possible to heal with directed gratitude. It is my hope that these simple stress relief strategies will assist you in healing through gratitude and taking care of your mental health.

*All worksheets in this blog post + more are listed in my Kofi-shop.

Identify Your Stressors

Identifying the cause of your stress is the first step to managing it. When you know what your triggers are, you can avoid them or minimize their effects. Self-discovery and self-care go hand in hand.

Knowing your core values gives insight into why certain things stress you out. For example, if fitness is one of your core values, then missing workouts or allowing yourself to get out of shape could be causing you undue stress.

And knowing what helps you to combat the negative effects of those stressors gives you the power to protect your mental and physical health. For example, getting back into an exercise routine may help to alleviate that stress.   

Can you identify the causes of your stress? There are various sources of stress, but at the end of the day, we’re all human. So, no matter how different we might be, we still face common challenges in life.

Stress, “the silent killer”, is the root cause of countless physical and mental illnesses. In fact, the greater your stress load, the greater your chances of developing a stress-related illness.

The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SSRS), also known as the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, is a self-assessment tool designed to help you determine the level of stress you are under. The higher your score, the more urgent it is for you to mitigate your stress levels in order to protect your mental and physical health. 

If you want to take the Stress Assessment, I’ve created a worksheet and it’s linked below along with a Stress Tracker Worksheet.

*It is important to note that this assessment does not account for individual stress tolerance as well as other variables and should not be relied upon as medical diagnosis or advice. 

Although there are countless specific causes of stress that vary from person to person, there are four main causes of stress for adults:

1.Death or illness/injury: This includes death of loved ones, debilitating injuries, chronic pain, illnesses (including those of loved ones, especially if you are a caretaker), and mental health issues.

2. Role change/new chapter in life: This includes school, retirement, getting married or divorced, having children, getting a new job, and moving.

3. Money/Work: This includes poverty, living paycheck to paycheck, debt, lack of sufficient income, unemployment, unsatisfaction with job/career, and lack of fulfillment when it comes to work.

4. Relationships: This includes interpersonal conflict, betrayal, break-ups, divorce, estrangement, and any sort of dysfunction in relationships.

Self-care is vital to managing stress. In addition to noticing what’s stressing you out, also notice what helps to calm you down. It may be necessary to set some healthy personal boundaries.

What works for one situation might not work in another, and techniques that you don’t think would work for you in theory may end up being the most effective in practice. Keep track of what works and what doesn’t so you can respond to stressors with your “go-to” activities.

Name Your Emotions

Maybe you’ve heard of the saying “name it to tame it”. It’s a simple stress relief technique that involves labeling your emotions as they arise. Naming your emotions helps to remind you that you are not your emotions, and your emotions are only temporary.

Keep in mind that even though some emotions may be more pleasant to experience than others, they are not inherently good or bad. Rather, all emotions are just feedback from our brain. We should be using that information to help ourselves, and not allow our emotions to override our rationality.

On a physiological level, when you name your emotion, you are engaging the left-brain (the side of the brain in charge of logic and language) and taming the right-brain (the side in charge of processing emotions).

Given the complex nature of feelings and emotions, it’s not always easy to identify the specific emotion you are feeling. For example, you may feel disgusted and angry with someone, but you may not be able to label that emotion as “contempt”. Simply do the best you can as you increase your emotional vocabulary.

There are six primary emotions from which all others flow: 1. Joy, 2. Sadness, 3. Fear, 4.  Anger, 5. Disgust, and 6. Surprise.

Here are some examples of more specific emotions falling under the categories of the first five primary emotions:

Joy

• Loving
• Thankful
• Peaceful
• Excited
• Amused
• Accepted
• Proud
• Liberated
• Confident
• Important
• Playful
• Inspired
• Curious
• Courageous
• Interested
• Amazed
• Optimistic
• Trusting
• Creative
• Intimate
• Valued
• Free

Sadness

• Hurt
• Guilty
• Ashamed
• Lonely
• Bored
• Tired
• Isolated
• Powerless
• Remorseful
• Abandoned
• Apathetic
• Vulnerable
• Fragile
• Grief-stricken
• Victimized
• Uninterested
• Overwhelmed

Fear

• Helpless
• Anxious
• Insecure
• Discouraged
• Rejected
• Persecuted
• Worried
• Inferior
• Excluded
• Inadequate
• Nervous
• Weak
• Confused
• Threatened
• Exposed

Anger

• Hurt
• Selfish
• Critical
• Jealous
• Irritated
• Threatened
• Frustrated
• Distant
• Suspicious
• Violated
• Hateful
• Bitter
• Betrayed
• Indignant
• Let down
• Offended
• Provoked

Disgust

• Disappointed
• Judgmental
• Revulsed
• Contemptuous
• Disapproving
• Ashamed
• Resentful
• Appalled
• Nauseated
• Embarrassed 

Here is the List of Emotions printable PDF:

Train Your Brain

As neuroscience teaches us, our brains are not set in stone. The way you see the world can change and grow throughout our entire life, thanks to neuroplasticity.  So, even if you have never engaged in gratitude practices before, you can still reap all the rewards of expressing gratitude regularly.

The more you do it, the more you will strengthen the neural connections that support an attitude of gratitude and rewire the ones that lead to negative thinking ruts. Meaning, you can literally change your brain and yourself.

In determining whether something is real or imagined, our brains look to how vividly we experienced something. But the brain encodes the vividness of both real and imagined stimuli in a similar way, thus making it difficult to tell the difference between reality and imagination (especially if you have a really good imagination). So, the more vividly you imagine something, the more it emphasizes the importance of that thing to your brain.

• Linger on Feelings of Gratitude

When it comes to healing through gratitude, think about experiences rather than just things you own. Zoom in on a positive experience that you are grateful for. Set 5 minutes aside to write about it. Relive the experience as you write about it. Feel as if you are in the moment again and visualize the events in great detail. Linger on your feelings of gratitude.

Blessings in disguise: Try doing this with negative experiences as well. Oftentimes, experiences that were not pleasant to go though in the moment still leave us with lessons for the future and opportunities to improve our character. We can feel gratitude for those lessons and opportunities.

• Practice Meditation

Meditation stills the mind. Instead of aimlessly jumping from thought to thought and being mindlessly reactive, we can regulate our thoughts and emotions. It helps us to be aware of our thoughts without judging them or allowing them to stick. This creates a sense of inner peace and a deeper connection to gratitude.

Meditation also has numerous health benefits, including lowered stress, better chronic pain management, increased concentration, elevated energy, improved sleep, decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression, lowered blood pressure, strengthened immune system function, improved memory, increased self-awareness, and enhanced mood.

In fact, a recent study at Georgetown found that a mindfulness-based stress reduction program was as effective as the use of an antidepressant in treating anxiety disorders.

By practicing meditation even for just 5 minutes a day, we can improve our mental health and our lives as a whole. You can incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life while doing everyday activities like breathing, eating, and showering. 

Try some types of meditation to see what works for you; there are so many, but to name a few: mindful mediation, guided meditation, transcendental meditation, walking meditation, vipassana meditation, metta/loving-kindness meditation, focused breathing, visualization meditation, mantra meditation, yoga meditation.

• Notice Your Negative Thoughts and Reframe Them Through the Lens of Gratitude

You are not your thoughts. Which means that whenever you have any thought, you can step to the side and look at it for what it is --- simply an idea or opinion produced by unconscious brain function.

So, when you have a negative thought, pause to acknowledge it, and then consciously reframe that thought through the filter of gratitude. For example, if you think, “I hate my life”, disrupt that negative thought and replace it with a grateful thought like, “Things aren’t perfect, but I love and appreciate many things about my life, including ____ (my pets, my freedom, my health, etc.)”.

Replace negative self-talk with gratitude. For example, if you think, “I’m a failure”, replace that thought with, “Failure is success in progress; I have learned valuable lessons from this trial.”  When Thomas Edison failed continuously at his attempts to create the lightbulb, he famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Or for example if you think, “I’m so behind on this goal”, replace that thought with acknowledgement and gratitude for all the little wins you’ve had along the way that you may have overlooked.

In your healing through gratitude journey, watch out for cognitive distortions. Our brains tend to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones due to an inherent negativity bias. We can overcome these cognitive distortions (all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, etc.) by keeping things in perspective and filtering our experiences through the lens of gratitude.

Why Gratitude Works (Scientifically Proven)

By making your gratitude practice a habit, you are literally rewiring your brain to focus on the positive. Researchers have found that expressing gratitude is also linked to a multitude of health benefits, including:

• improved sleep
• reduced depression and anxiety
• fewer aches and pains
• increased self-esteem
• enhanced empathy, and
• improved overall well-being

According to a recent research study, gratitude writing is not only beneficial for well-functioning people, but also for those struggling with mental health concerns.

In that study, participants were divided into three groups – one group wrote a letter of gratitude to someone each week, the second group wrote about their thoughts and feelings regarding negative experiences, and the third group did not participate in a writing activity. All three groups received counseling services.

Those in the gratitude writing group reported significantly better mental health in the weeks following the study, as compared to the other two groups.

Even those who didn’t actually send their letters to the intended recipient -only 23 percent did - experienced the benefits of expressing gratitude. So, you don’t have to actually thank someone personally in order to heal through gratitude; it’s enough to express your gratitude in a private journal.

Furthermore, even when a gratitude practice is brief, it has lasting effects on the brain. When the researchers in this study compared the brain activity of those who wrote gratitude letters to those who did not, they showed more activation in the medial prefrontal cortex even three months after the letter writing.

But writing a thank you letter isn’t the only way to experience the benefits of gratitude. Expressing gratitude in any way lowers stress hormones in the body and compels our brain to release dopamine and serotonin, the body’s “feel good” chemicals. It contributes to happiness and contentment with life no matter the external circumstances – a natural anti-depressant.

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One

When I was little, my mother used to often tell me to count my blessings. That advice has remained pertinent in my adult life; the simple act of counting my blessings has helped me get through some pretty stressful situations.

It’s not always easy to see the silver lining when you’re in the middle of a storm. Focusing on your blessings can help keep things in perspective when it seems like they’re spiraling out of control.

Gratitude is a powerful antidote to many ailments. Try directing your attention to all the blessings in your life and see if you don’t feel better about your situation.

Also, focusing on your blessings multiplies them; energy flows where attention goes. So, the more you feel and express gratitude for all your many blessings, the more blessings you will have to be grateful for.

It can be difficult to know exactly how to express your gratefulness other than just thinking about what you’re grateful for. So, here are some gratitude activities to provide you with some direction and an outlet for your feelings of gratitude.

• Gratitude Log:

Something I started doing for myself was keeping a log of all the little things for which I am grateful. It helps to write things down as soon as they happen, so you don’t forget. Try writing just one thing per day or whenever something happens. In this book, you can also include breakout pages dedicated to reliving experiences and lingering on gratitude like we talked about earlier in this post.

• Gratitude Activities:

These healing through gratitude activities will help train your brain to linger on the positive things in life, however small, and remind you to take nothing for granted.

Gratitude Journal Prompts:

When expressing gratitude, it can help to have some prompts. (Ex: I am grateful for this blessing in disguise: ______, I am grateful for this simple pleasure: _________, I am grateful for this test of character: ______, etc.)  You could spread these gratitude journal prompts out over time or write down one thing you are grateful for every day for 30 days in a row (30-day gratitude challenge!).

Here are the Gratitude Worksheets in printable PDF form:

Bible Verses for Gratitude (and All Kinds of Emotions)

“Count Your Blessings” is a beautiful hymn that reminds us to remain steadfast through life’s challenges, knowing that God is over all:

Verse 1: When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Chorus: Count your many blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God hath done, Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Verse 2: Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Verse 3: When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold; Count your many blessings-money cannot buy Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Verse 4: So, amid the conflict whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, The Bible is a wellspring of inspirational quotes and encouragement. There are scriptures for just about every situation you could go through and every emotion that you feel; there are bible verses for encouragement, hard times, anxiety, healing, gratitude, etc.

I often look to The Bible for strength during times of hardship, but it’s important to pray in times of joy and abundance, not only in times of need. Think about your relationships with people – in healthy relationships, you’re there for each other through the ups and the downs, celebrating during the wins and consoling during the losses. It should be that way with God too (or whatever higher power you believe in).

This color-coded Bible Verse Jar is a fun activity to help you on your spiritual journey. Here’s how it works: color-coded bible verses for every emotion are placed inside of a jar (example: Joyful=yellow, Sad=blue, Angry=peach, Scared=pink, Thankful=green).

When you are feeling joyful, sad, angry, scared, or thankful, pick a piece of paper with the corresponding color and read that bible verse.

DIY Scripture Jar

The “Do It Yourself” (DIY) Bible Verse Jar is a fun and inexpensive craft you can do that does not take much time. Create your own scripture jar by printing out the bible verses on colored paper, cutting them into strips, folding them, and placing them inside a jar.

This bundle has everything (except paper) that you need to make your own bible verse jar for emotions: printable bible verses for jar, color code key, and jar label.

This is the paper I used for my Bible Verse Jar. You can buy it from Amazon, I've included the link below: 

DFY Scripture Jar

If you don't want to make this yourself, you can purchase it ready-made! The "Done for You" (DFY) Scripture Jar makes a thoughtful gift. And with 70 bible verses, it truly is the gift that keeps on giving!

Color-Coded Bible Verses for Emotions 

Here are the categories and bible verses – I’ve chosen to use the NIV translation for this project. If you’re doing this yourself, feel free to come up with different categories (it doesn’t have to be these emotions, or even emotions at all!) and/or bible verses.

1. Joyful (Lively Lemon) 2. Sad (Breezy Blue) 3. Angry (Punchy Peach) 4. Scared (Bubble Gum) 5. Thankful (Merry Mint) 6. Surprise Me! (White)

Joyful

• This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
• But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Psalm 5:11
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
• Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18       
• Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4
• You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11  
• Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.1 Peter 1:8-9
• I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
• The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. Psalm 19:8
• May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13                                                                 

Sad

• So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22
• Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
• Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
• Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
• The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
• Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
• The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19
• I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
• For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17
• The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5

Angry

• But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
• “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
• My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
• Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 12:16
• The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
• But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28
• Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9
• For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

Scared

• When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3
• The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
• Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
• The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
• For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
• Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
• For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
• But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 1 Peter 3:14

Thankful

• Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
• If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. John 15:7
• I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
• I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1
• And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17
• Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15
• Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38
• Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4
• All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 4:15
• Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:15-16

Surprise Me!

• In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
• Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58
• Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13
• For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:4
• Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4
• Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. Psalm 143:10
• Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
• Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3
• Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 John 1:2
• The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:17
• Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
• If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
• For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
• And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16
• Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27
• Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
• Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24
• Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
• So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

I hope this blog post has helped you to heal through gratitude. Do you have a favorite gratitude practice or bible verse that I haven’t mentioned? Let me know in the comments!

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This past year has been a doozy, to say the least. A LOT has happened, but I will just give you the highlights.

Following my dad’s cancer diagnosis, my husband and I decided to move from our beloved state of Colorado last July to be close to my parents in Florida.

Two months before we left on our cross-country trek, our family dog (who we had since he was just 2 months old) got sick and died at the age of 17. 

While we were there, my husband was in constant pain and was losing his vision in one eye. It took many tests at various places and lots of all-day hospital visits to finally determine that he had a rare form of eye cancer as well as a detached retina which rendered him blind in the eye.

The type of cancer that he had is called ocular melanoma (five in a million odds) and he had the largest tumor any of the doctors had ever seen. It could only be treated by this one hospital in Miami, and he had to stay isolated there for four days while he received radiation treatment that was not guaranteed to work.

We didn’t have health insurance and we had just moved across the country, so all the flights and medical expenses quickly piled up and ate through our savings. We also racked up quite a bit of debt.

 Just before Christmas, we were unable to make our rent and had to move out in less than 2 weeks. So we moved to Louisiana, where my husband’s family is from, and where the rent is much less expensive. 

All this time, I was trying to manage the Etsy business and my husband was trying to find work in a new state while battling cancer. We finally moved into our own place in February (we moved 4 times in this one year!) and managed to stabilize a little bit.

But then in June- just before Father’s Day- I had a miscarriage and the day after, my husband had a heart attack.

Fortunately, his heart stent seems to be holding up well and his cancer is in regression. I’ve also recovered physically, if not emotionally, and we are doing a lot better now, though we still struggle. 

I am normally a very private person, but I want to share my story because I know that there are a lot of people who are going through tough times as well and sometimes it can feel very lonely, like no one truly understands.

One of the positive things to come out of my difficult situation is that I can be more empathetic to those in similar positions. Our experiences in life, although they may be difficult, teach us lessons and mold us into better people, so there’s often a silver lining depending on the way you look at things.

I’m not completely healed, and I still have tough days/moments, but I have found some healthy ways to cope, so I am sharing them to hopefully help others who are dealing with hardships on their own. If you’re in a dark place, I hope something in this blog post provides you with at least a glimmer of light.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

How Do I Deal With Difficult Times in My Life?

One small thing

Do one small thing – even if you don’t want to. Doing that one small thing is often enough to make you feel just better enough to do another small thing … and on and on until you actually pull yourself out of the funk.

This is known as the snowball effect. When a snowball rolls down a snow-covered hill, it becomes bigger and faster as it gathers more snow and gains more momentum.

This process is not only true for snowballs but for many situations in life in which one seemingly insignificant thing leads to another, eventually leading to a significant outcome.

For example, just stretch. While you’re stretching, you may feel good enough to do some exercise.

Get in the shower. While you’re in there, you may feel good enough to exfoliate and wash your hair.

Pull out a pen and paper. Start by writing just one thing you are grateful for. After you write it, you may think of more things you are grateful for, or just things you want to write down to get off your chest.

The point is to get yourself moving in the right direction without feeling overwhelmed. Getting started is usually the hardest part. Once you do that one small thing, you will naturally build momentum as you go along.

So just do something, no matter how small.

Change of scenery

Force your brain to process new surroundings – it’s linked to enhanced happiness, according to a recent study.

When you have a new experience, it creates a boost of positive emotion, in addition to increasing creativity --which can provide you with a fresh perspective.

Changing up your daily routine and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone may be just what you need for a “reset”. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental.

Once again, the key is not to overwhelm yourself any further - you're already going through a hard time. Try something small like taking a different route, going on a day trip, or trying a new activity.

If you spend a lot of time indoors, try to spend some time outside. Nature is a natural antidote to stress. Evidence suggests that connecting with nature improves wellbeing and there are numerous studies that demonstrate the mental health benefits of spending time in nature.

Nature therapy can include activities like:
-gardening
-stargazing
-green exercise
-arts and crafts
-spending time with animals
-hiking
-or anything you can enjoy outside in nature

Clean, organize, and decorate

Your environment has an impact on your mental health. Pay attention to what’s in your immediate surroundings – how does your space make you feel?

I work from home so I’m often at my desk and yet it wasn’t until recently that I decorated my space with colorful things that make me happy. It’s amazing how much aesthetics can affect mood.

Another thing that helps is clearing clutter. For me, mess causes stress!

Studies have shown that because we see our home as an extension of ourselves, there is a link between the state of the home (cluttered or organized) and psychological well-being. A cluttered environment can impede your ability to focus, cause anxiety, and even lead to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Consider your lighting and air flow as well. I am super sensitive to harsh overhead light and prefer lamps with low-wattage amber light.

Do you have enough natural light coming in during the day? Maybe you could use an essential oil diffuser or some air-purifying plants. Maybe you’d like to have some meaningful artwork on the wall or some photos of loved ones.

Organizing your space can help you to feel in control, more relaxed, and happier. I start by pulling everything out of drawers and taking everything off surfaces, putting everything into a big pile. Then, I clean and separate the pile into categories, getting rid of as much as possible along the way. Once I’m finished, I like to light a candle to sort of cleanse the space. This can serve as a calming ritual whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Distract yourself

If you notice yourself spiraling, distract yourself with something positive and uplifting.

Again, this may not work at first but give it some time. The trick is to disrupt the negative thought pattern and bring your attention to the present moment.

Having a self-care plan is especially important for hard times like this so you don’t have to waste valuable mental energy deciding what to do.

Do whatever works for you -read some motivational quotes, curl up with a novel, look at cute photos, watch funny videos on YouTube, binge watch a show, play video games, bake a cake … anything that will temporarily take your mind off your current situation.

One thing I like to do is the five-finger breathing exercise (see video below for demonstration). 

It is a multisensory exercise that involves sight and touch, which is why it works so well in distracting the brain from negative thoughts. It also relaxes your parasympathetic nervous system and sends a signal to the brain that you are safe.

Here’s how to do it: spread your fingers apart on one hand. With the pointer finger of the other hand, slowly trace up the outside of your pinky finger as you take a deep breath. Hold for a couple seconds and then trace down the inside of your pinky finger as you exhale. Continue this for all five fingers, inhaling as you trace up and exhaling as you trace down.

Follow 3D Success on Instagram for more self-care ideas.

Lift weights

The single thing that has helped me through my hardships the most is lifting weights. It’s like even though I might be feeling weak mentally, I can still feel strong physically. Which in turn helps me to feel stronger mentally.

Also, any type of exercise releases dopamine and endorphins, which chemically lifts your spirits and energy. If you really exert yourself, it also has the dual benefit of lifting your mood and helping you sleep better.

Strength/resistance training builds resilience not only in the body but also in the mind; it helps to release trauma that is stored in the body and trains the body to better handle future stressful events. So, weightlifting is not only a quick fix for anxiety; it’s also a long-term solution. For me, lifting weights and yoga have been two of the most helpful coping mechanisms and I do both almost every day.

Interestingly, studies and research suggests that:
-females are even more sensitive to the anxiety-reducing effects of resistance exercise than males
-resistance exercise enhances the effects of other modes of exercise, such as aerobics, balance, and flexibility exercises
-in a clinical trial, resistance exercise significantly improved anxiety and significantly reduced depressive symptoms among research participants

Protect your peace

Once you’ve gotten yourself to a peaceful place, don’t let anyone pop that bubble.

Just because someone else is being mean or rude doesn’t mean you have to return that same energy. If someone else is in a bad mood, that doesn’t mean yours has to be ruined.

You have to guard yourself against things that will suck your energy or bring down your vibration. It can be difficult at times, especially if you tend to people-please, but your mental well-being simply must be safeguarded.

This is something I still struggle with as a highly sensitive, empathetic person. Maintaining your inner peace amidst chaos is no easy task.

I’ve learned that it is something you have to work on before you are in the difficult situation.  I do this with yoga (which sets the tone for the day), mindfulness, and filtering the things I watch, hear, and read.

Social media and television in particular can really have an influence on your state of mind and the way you see the world. So, be careful what you allow your brain to consume.

It’s also important to set healthy boundaries around your time and your energy. Notice what things/people trigger you and try to eliminate or lessen those influences.

For example, if there is someone who always complains or has something negative to say or makes you feel bad about yourself, distance yourself from that person. If your schedule is already full and someone asks for a favor or invites you to an event, say no (and don’t feel guilty about it).

People who care about you and want the best for you will respect your boundaries. Toxic people will not. If someone is repeatedly disrespecting your boundaries, you need to decide whether you are willing to accept that behavior forever. If not, it may be time to cut that person out of your life – your serenity is more important than that relationship.

Help others 

Taking your mind off yourself for a little bit may be the best thing for you when you’re ruminating or catastrophizing about your difficult situation.

Focusing that attention on helping others has the added benefit of helping you as well.

Even small gestures are enough to reduce stress and lift your spirits a little bit. There are many ways to help others, for example:

-Donating money or possessions: When you donate, you are not only helping those in need but also reminding yourself of what you have to be grateful for.

-Volunteering: Donating your time to a cause that you feel passionate about can help you feel a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Making the world a better place in some way, however small, helps you to feel a sense of connection and belonging, a basic human need. 

-Being a shoulder to cry on: Showing empathy not only helps that person feel understood, it also helps you to better understand yourself. If your mom/friend/son/husband, etc. was suffering, you would be kind and supportive. But when it comes to you, do you treat yourself with the same compassion you show others?

Somehow, it’s easier to be extra hard on yourself and hold yourself to standards you would never hold others. But you deserve understanding and forgiveness too!

Try not to be so harsh with yourself and treat yourself more tenderly, understanding that you’re only human and that imperfection is an unavoidable part of that.

You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to feel sad. And you are worthy of love.

One way to show yourself love and compassion is to practice self-care. Don't know where to start? Check out these self-care ideas.

Ask for help/self-help plan

Some people have family or friends or a therapist that they can reach out to when times get tough. Or they belong to a religious group and can turn to prayer, the Bible (or other religious text), or fellow church members for support.

But, if you don’t, or if you’d rather speak confidentially when you’re in a bad place, you could call an anonymous help line and talk to a stranger. Sometimes it helps to get things off your chest and hear a different perspective.

I’ve done this a few times by calling 988 (suicide and crisis lifeline) and the friendly folks over there have helped me when I was really struggling. They provide 24/7 support to anyone in a crisis situation.

The phone call or chat can also serve as the initial “snowball” that calms you down enough to do something else that makes you feel better, and then something else that makes you feel better, etc.

For example, maybe make yourself a cup of tea before you make the call and do some yoga after you hang up. After yoga, take a mindful shower where you visualize all your problems rinsing off of you and going down the drain. Then, enjoy some aromatherapy and curl up with a book.

One of the best strategies the crisis counselors suggested is creating a crisis plan. Much like a self-care plan, having pre-planned activities in place will help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed in the moment and not able to think clearly.

Simply follow the plan you prepared for yourself, knowing that those things will help you. It can change over time as you see what works for you and what can be improved. Your crisis plan can include:

-Triggers
-Warning Signs (emotions, thoughts, behaviors)
-Coping Strategies: ways to distract yourself, wellness tools/self-care activities, resources/sources of support
-Effectiveness/what to change for future

Here is a Crisis Plan Worksheet I created; this one is already filled out as an example, but blank ones are also available for you to download in my Ko-fi shop for FREE or whatever you want to pay. 

Take Care of Yourself

Eat healthy, exercise, take breaks, pursue joy, be true to yourself, and manage stress in healthy ways. 

What are you struggling with right now? Let me know in the comments. 

 Share this & help someone else!

Share this & help someone else!

Do you …

-Feel guilty for saying no?
-Allow people to disrespect you?
-Put others first, even at your own expense?
-Get overwhelmed easily?

If so, you need to set some personal boundaries!

Setting boundaries makes it possible to have healthy relationships and maintain your  individuality.

In this post, we’ll discuss how to set healthy personal boundaries –an essential part of any self-care plan.

Download your Boundary- Setting Worksheets PDF

Includes:
-Boundaries Self-Assessment
-Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries Checklist
-Setting Boundaries in Relationships
-Types of Boundaries
-Set Boundaries Worksheets
-Boundary-Setting Examples
-Boundary Setting Affirmations
-Commitment to Myself

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are borders or limits that you don’t want someone else to cross.

When you set healthy personal boundaries, you are letting others know what’s unacceptable for you. You are taking responsibility for yourself by letting others know how you want to be treated and what you will not tolerate.

Your boundaries are meant to protect and safeguard your well-being, like a security system is meant to protect a home and safeguard everything inside.

You decide what your boundaries are, and others have to either respect them or keep it moving. By setting boundaries, you are taking responsibility for yourself, not the actions of others.

It’s your personal space -what do you want to allow in? What do you want to keep out?

Before defining your boundaries, it may be helpful to first think about what types of boundaries you need to set in your life.

Different Types of Boundaries in Relationships

In what areas of your life do you need to set boundaries? You may find that certain relationships are lacking boundaries, such as your:

-romantic relationships
-relationship with your parents/family members
-friendships
-relationship with in-laws
-boss/co-worker relationships

There are various types of boundaries you can set but here are some main categories:

Physical Boundaries

These refer to your personal space and unwanted touch or closeness. You have the right to your personal space, privacy, and the right to refuse to be touched on any part of your body at any time, by anyone.

Emotional Boundaries

You have the right to feel your feelings. Other people do not have the right to impose their opinions on you or make you feel bad for not sharing their emotions. You may also want to set boundaries around what you are willing to hear or be exposed to (for example, emotional dumping or other toxic behavior)

Time Boundaries

Time is your most valuable possession, and you must protect it. Consistently overextending yourself can lead to mental health issues including stress, fatigue, and burnout. Setting time boundaries (saying no!) will help prevent burnout and ensure that you make time for self-care. When someone asks you to make a commitment, think about whether you truly want to do it. If they’re pressuring you and you feel like you can’t say no in the moment, ask for time to think about it.

Material Boundaries

This involves your material possessions, including money. You decide whether you want to give or lend your things. This could also include boundaries you set with yourself to eliminate your debt or setting spending limits.

Why are Healthy Personal Boundaries So Important?

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. Healthy boundaries help you to protect yourself and maintain healthy relationships. 

Not setting healthy personal boundaries leaves you prone to physical and mental ailments by allowing things you don’t want into your life.  

Boundaries serve many purposes, including:

-staying true to yourself/maintaining individuality
-getting the respect that you deserve
-making your needs known
-letting people know your expectations & avoiding misunderstandings
-living a healthy life|
-preventing resentment and regret
-keeping stress levels low
-clearing negative energies from your surroundings
-creating consistency/stability
-establishing your identity
-staying safe/protecting yourself (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
-taking back/maintaining control of your life

Healthy vs Unhealthy Boundaries

Unhealthy boundaries = disrespect.

When you tolerate disrespect, you are sending a message to the other person that you are willing to accept mistreatment. Even worse, you are sending a message to yourself that you are not worthy of being treated well.

To the contrary, when you set healthy boundaries, you are letting everyone know (including yourself) what you are, and are not, willing to tolerate.

You have the right to protect your time, your energy, and your needs as a living being. You have the right to say no to things that don’t align with your priorities.

And you deserve to be treated with respect or left alone. When you set boundaries, you give others the opportunity to either agree with your terms or bug off.

Examples of healthy boundaries:

-saying no
-communicating your needs
-respecting others’ needs
-valuing your own opinions
-making time for self-care
-trusting your decisions

Examples of unhealthy boundaries:

-always saying yes and overextending yourself
-not respecting when someone else says no
-tolerating disrespect
-allowing someone to dictate your life choices
-not prioritizing your well-being
-giving up your interests/substituting your decisions for someone else’s

Why is Setting Boundaries So Hard?

If it’s hard for you to set boundaries, look to your underlying core values. For example, if one of your top core values is dependability, you may have trouble saying no, even if it’s not in your best interest because you want to be a dependable person.

*If you are interested in getting to know yourself and your core values, check out these self-discovery worksheets.

The truth is, you can be a dependable person and set boundaries. In fact, setting boundaries makes you even more dependable because you let others know up front exactly what you expect from them.

Setting boundaries is not selfish. Self-care is not selfish.

Taking care of yourself is an act of love not only for you but for all those you come in contact with during your life.

Only by practicing self-care (including setting boundaries) can you feel and perform your best.

You at your best is one of the most valuable gifts you can give your loved ones -- and the world at large.

Reasons for Not Setting Boundaries

Lack of Experience

Setting boundaries is a learned skill.

So, if you’ve never set boundaries before, it may seem scary.

Start small – for example, try saying no to an offer when you feel like you already have too much on your plate.

Don’t overexplain, you don’t need to justify yourself. Just say something like “I’d love to, but I can’t right now” or “It’s hard for me to say no but I have to this time.”

Low Self-Esteem

If you struggle with low self-esteem, you may need to work on your confidence before you’re able to effectively set all the boundaries you need.

But it’s helpful to understand that the two are interconnected -- once you begin to set healthy boundaries, your self-esteem will rise.

And then you will have the confidence to set more boundaries, which will again have a positive impact on your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and self-love.

So, take that first leap of setting a personal boundary and enjoy the cascading benefits!

Fear

Fear of rejection, abandonment, conflict/confrontation, hurting someone’s feelings, being perceived as mean, controlling, selfish, etc. are all misguided reasons for not setting boundaries.

Those fears pale in comparison to living a life that’s not your own.

It’s ok if they get angry, it’s ok if they think you’re selfish – you are not responsible for other people’s feelings or behavior, only your own.

Remember that inaction is an action too. By not setting healthy boundaries, you are making a choice to constantly be at the mercy of others. 

Lack of Self-Awareness

If you don’t know what your core values are, what you want out of your relationships, and how you want to be treated, then how can you set boundaries?

As you progress along your personal development journey, your self-awareness will deepen, and you will gain a better understanding of your needs.

As you evolve, you will be progressively better equipped to set boundaries that suit YOU.

No matter who you are or what you stand for, some will love you and some won’t … but those who wish to be around you must respect you.

Empathy

Highly sensitive people and empaths in particular may also struggle with setting healthy boundaries since they are so often willing to sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of others.

That’s why it’s especially important for these highly sensitive individuals to protect their emotional and energetic resources.

Trauma

If you grew up with mentally unstable, controlling, abusive, or otherwise toxic parents/caregivers, you may also feel guilty when setting boundaries.

Having your boundaries consistently violated as a child makes it harder to set boundaries as an adult.

Those who grew up in an enmeshed family may also feel guilty for putting themselves first.

Forbidden from developing their own identity and forced to meet the needs of their parent instead of their own, enmeshed children become codependent and unable to set healthy personal boundaries.

Enmeshment trauma often manifests in the form of:

-lack of confidence
-difficulty making decisions
-feeling responsible for others’ feelings
-fear of conflict
-toxic relationships
-low self-esteem

Limiting Beliefs

Society teaches us (especially women) that we must always be agreeable and self-sacrificing. When your self-worth is tied up with pleasing other people, you may feel guilty or selfish when standing up for yourself.

This limiting belief system based on people-pleasing must be unlearned and replaced with one that based on the truth – that you matter.

In fact, you should come first.

You may face other limiting beliefs when it comes to setting healthy personal boundaries.  Here are some myth-busting truths to help you overcome them:

-self-care is not selfish
-saying no does not make you a bad person
-keeping the peace is not worth your inner peace
-loving someone does not mean doing everything they want
-setting boundaries does not make you a difficult, demanding, or rude person
-boundaries are not permanent; you are free to change them as you continue along your personal development journey
-setting healthy boundaries is not about controlling the behavior of others, but rather controlling what you accept into your life

When to Set Boundaries

It’s usually easier to set boundaries in the beginning before any expectations or patterns of behavior have been established.

When you don’t set a boundary early on, when it’s “something small”, it invites the person to continue overstepping your boundaries.

And the more they push, the more trapped you feel by your first decision to remain silent and pretend like their behavior is ok with you.

But the truth is it’s never too late to set boundaries. Even if you haven’t set boundaries in an existing relationship, you still have every right to at any point.

If they get angry, let them go! They’re just upset that they no longer have control over you for their own selfish purposes.

People who truly care about you will respect your boundaries. Toxic people who want to manipulate, abuse, or take advantage of you will not.

Those who love you will encourage your personal and spiritual growth. They will allow you the space to take care of yourself in the way you need.

Toxic people will stifle your growth and seek to control you with their selfish desires and opinions.

“They know your worth. They just hope you don’t.”

So, don’t feel guilty. Remember, you’re not saying the other person has to comply; you are simply telling them what you need. They decide whether they want to live with the boundary you’ve set or not. 

How to Set Boundaries

Once you've defined your boundaries, it’s time to communicate them.

Keep it simple. Be clear and specific. Do not overexplain or justify.

Simply state your boundary and set forth consequences for crossing it. You could even plan what you are going to say ahead of time. For example, “If you continue to talk to me disrespectfully, I’m going to leave.”

Focus on YOUR needs and what YOU will do, not what the other person is doing. So, for example, instead of saying, “Don’t email me during work hours”, say “I’ve decided to respond to all emails after work, so I’ll get back to you then.”

If you are not used to setting boundaries, it may be uncomfortable at first. Do it anyway. It will get easier, and the more you practice, the more confident you will become.

If they cross the boundary, enact the consequence. This is really important.

If, for example, if you said you would leave if they continued to talk to you disrespectfully, then be prepared to do so. If you don’t, the other person will know they can continue to violate your boundaries without reproach.

Of course, that’s not to say that your boundaries can’t be flexible. Again, as you change and grow, so will your boundaries.

***If you are in an abusive situation or dealing with someone who has a psychological problem, it may not be safe for you to try and set boundaries with them alone. Please seek help if you are in danger.

Respecting Others’ Boundaries

Boundary setting is not only about you; it’s also about other people. You don’t have to agree with other people’s boundaries, but you have to respect them. We all have the right to autonomy over our own lives.

People can make decisions without your advice or interference. If you do offer unsolicited advice, don’t expect the other person to take it. They will ultimately decide what’s best for them and their life.

You can also respect someone’s boundaries accepting only what they share freely. Snooping, prying, and asking too many questions are all nosy behaviors that can make people feel uncomfortable.

You may not always be aware that you’ve disrespected someone else’s boundary. When someone informs you that you’ve crossed the line, listen carefully to what they’re telling you (including body language) and do not interrupt.

Once they’ve finished speaking, ask questions if there is something that you don’t understand. Accept the boundary graciously and remember how you’d like to be treated when you set your own boundaries. If you’re not ok with the boundary, be prepared to walk away.

Stay Committed to Communicating and Enforcing Your Boundaries

I hope this has helped inspire you to set healthy personal boundaries. Be sure to check out the Boundary-Setting Worksheets I created to go along with this post (available in the SelfCareby3DSuccess Etsy Shop).

What types of boundaries do you need in your life? Let me know in the comments!  

Create Your Own Self-Care Plan
“Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Do you feel like self-care should be a priority, but you just don’t take time for yourself (or not enough time for yourself)?

If so, you need a self-care plan!

The best way to ensure that you practice self-care regularly is to have a plan.

A self-care plan is a preventative tool that will help you cope with life’s inevitable adversities.

Because you’re not exactly in the best position to be making calm, rational decisions once you’re already in the middle of a crisis. And self-care can easily fall by the wayside when life gets chaotic.

Having a plan in place ahead of time will help you to be resilient and maintain control over your health during stressful times.

Self-Care Worksheets- Printable 28-page PDF
Checklist, Assessment, Ideas & more

Self-Care is Crucial for Your Health

Self-care is crucial for all aspects of your health: physical, mental, and spiritual. That’s why it’s good to take a holistic approach when creating your self-care plan – one that will take all these aspects into account.

The relationship you have with yourself must be protected and nurtured --when you make self-care a habit, your body, mind, and soul will thank you!

You are the only person that will be with you for your entire life. And you know yourself better than anyone else.

So, it’s really up to you to decide what types of self-care will help you in what situations and what changes need to be made in order to ensure that you get the self-care that you need.

For example, if you are an introvert, HSP, and/or empath, you have to be especially protective of your mental health and make sure you don’t get drained from others’ energies, traumas, etc.

Why is it So Hard to Practice Self-Care?

We all know that self-care is important … so then, why is it so hard to practice?!

I can think of at least three reasons:

1. False Assumptions About Self-Care

Many people feel guilty about taking time for themselves and may even believe that self-care is selfish (which couldn’t be further from the truth!) False assumptions/beliefs about self-care also include:

-self-care is expensive
-it takes too much time
-self-care must be earned
-it’s only for women
-self-care is basically just pampering

Debunking these self-care myths is key to overcoming the self-care hurdle. The truth is:

-the best things in life are free and so are many types of self-care
-taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be time consuming – in fact, some forms of self-care only take a few minutes, and some don’t require any extra time at all!
-self-care is an inherent need we all have as human beings, not a reward to be earned
-self-care knows no gender, color, ethnicity, age, etc. – again, it is an inherent need we all have as human beings
-those who consistently practice self-care are more productive, less stressed, more confident, and more resilient

2. Lack of Self-Care Examples

Another reason why self-care is so hard to practice is that it can be confusing to understand what self-care actually is. Self-care is not just bubble baths and a skin care routine --- it also encompasses other things you do to enhance your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.

Some examples of self-care ideas include:

-drinking enough water, eating healthy
-social media detox
-meditation/breathing exercises
-yoga/exercise
-limiting interaction with negative people
-spending time in nature
-taking an aromatherapy bath
-taking time for your hobbies
-expressing gratitude
-sleeping
-volunteering/fulfilling your purpose
-self-compassion
-setting boundaries/ saying “no”

*Here’s a list of 33 self-care ideas for physical self-care, mental self-care, and spiritual self-care.

3.Bad Habits/Lack of Good Habits

The third reason it’s so hard to practice self-care is bad habits -- or lack of good ones.

Throughout our journey, we develop coping mechanisms to deal with stress, loss, sorrow, anger, abandonment, betrayal, and all of life’s trials and tribulations.

But some of these coping mechanisms are not healthy. So, the first step to establishing a self-care routine is often replacing hurtful habits with healing habits.

For example, instead of drinking alcohol to relax, drink herbal tea. Cut out negative self-talk and repeat positive affirmations instead. When you’re angry, don’t react immediately– breathe, do yoga, and give yourself time to calm down.

As with establishing any new habit, the more consistent you are in your practice, the more “second nature” it will become.

That’s why you need a self-care plan that you will stick to through thick and thin.

Things That Can Interfere with Your Self-Care 
(but don’t let them!)

It’s essential to have self-care habits in place so you’ll be ready for whatever life throws at you.

How will you deal with an unexpected stressful event? Do you have measures in place to help you stay on track with your self-care?

You cannot afford to neglect yourself during difficult or busy times; in fact, it's during these times that self-care is the most important!

Some major life events that can interfere with your self-care routine include:

1. Getting Married/Planning a Wedding

Getting married is one of life’s most momentous, transformative occasions. 

Major life events like this, although happy and exciting, can also be stressful.

A 2020 study found that 72% of soon-to-be newlyweds use the terms “very” and “extremely” to describe wedding planning stress.

Certainly, there are many stressors associated with planning a wedding … just to name a few:

-Having a safe event in light of COVID-19
-Trying to stay within a budget
-Managing RSVP’s
-Choosing a menu
-Whittling down the guest list
-Coming up with contingency plans (what if it rains?!)
-Dealing with family members
-Organizing vendors
-Having to postpone

During this time, it is important to recognize what is in and what is out of your control.

And it is also important to remember that this is supposed to be a joyous time. So, pamper yourself in the time leading up to the big day!

Self-care for the bride-to-be is crucial – make time to just relax and be mindful. You deserve a slot on that busy schedule of yours.

Having a self-care plan that you stick to in the midst of all the wedding planning will help you to keep calm, stay healthy, and mindfully enjoy the process.

For those of you looking for the perfect stress relief gift for the bride-to-be, check out our spa box on Etsy:

Bride to Be Stress Relief Gift, Self-Care by 3D Success on Etsy

2. Coping with Loss/Grief

Those who are grieving the loss of a loved one often forget to take care of themselves.

Although everyone experiences and deals with loss differently, grief can disrupt major components of physical and mental health - sleep, appetite, hygiene, energy levels, etc.

And for some, the emotional toll of any type of loss (loss of a loved one, a job, a beloved pet, a relationship, a medical diagnosis) can become all-consuming.

While it’s natural to take the time you need to grieve in a way that’s healing for you, you must also be sure to continue practicing self-care during any time of loss or crisis.

These are the times when having a self-care plan (that you'll stick to!) will really benefit you. You won’t have to think about what to do when you’re in distress – you will already have a plan in place, an established routine that works for you. 

Coping with losing a loved one is never easy and it can be difficult to know how to support a friend/family member during this time.

If you’d like to express your condolences while encouraging them to practice self-care, consider these care packages or our sorry for your loss gift set on Etsy:

Sympathy Care Package, Self-Care by 3D Success on Etsy

3. Having a Baby

Many new moms let their self-care fall by the wayside after they give birth.

It seems impossible to find time for self-care with all the responsibilities that come with a new baby.

Some new mothers may even struggle with guilt when they attempt to take time for themselves.

However, this is where a self-care plan comes in handy!

During the postpartum period, it is especially critical to:

-support your body as it recovers and rebuilds, and
-support your mind as it adjusts and refocuses.

Keep in mind the old adage, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” In order to take care of others, you must take care of yourself. And doing so allows you to be better at everything else you do.

Don’t wait until your cup is empty to practice self-care – make sure it stays filled.

Stick to your self-care plan!

Obviously, changes can be made to an existing self-care plan for many reasons including having a baby. The important thing is to regularly engage in the self-care habits that help you to stay happy and healthy.

Know a new mama who needs some pampering? Try our organic essential oil-based relaxation kit on Etsy:

Take Some Time for Yourself Care Package, Self-Care by 3D Success on Etsy

Creating Your Self-Care Plan

Now, it’s time to create your very own self-care plan!

This personalized plan will help you to maintain your overall health & well-being on an everyday basis as well as during high-stress situations.

So, if you’re committed to making self-care a priority, let’s get started.

Determine Your Current Stress Level

This can be a real eye-opener.

Often, we don’t even realize how stressed we really are or what is actually causing the stress.

So, the first step in creating a self-care plan is to assess your current stress level and identify your major stressors.

Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can determine how to lessen or eliminate them.

*There is a Stress Assessment and Quiz in the Freebie Library to help you with this.

Stress and anxiety manifests differently for everyone, but common warning signs of overwhelm/too much stress include:

-insomnia
-irritability
-fatigue
-isolating yourself
-feeling overwhelmed
-indecisiveness
-weakened immune system
-eye twitches
-labored breathing
-tight/sore muscles
-headaches
-lack of concentration
-low libido
-upset stomach
-memory problems
-mood swings
-angry outbursts

And stressors often have to do with:

-health
-finances
-relationships
-work
-housing/moving
-school
-traumatic events
-safety/security
-overextending ourselves
-mental health issues

How Do You Currently Deal with Those Stressors?

Now that you’ve identified your stressors, it’s time to reflect on how you are currently dealing with them.

Are you coping in a healthy way? Or do your coping mechanisms actually make things worse?

Examples of unhealthy coping mechanisms include:

-smoking cigarettes
-drinking alcohol/drug abuse
-sleeping too much
-overspending
-avoidance
-catastrophizing
-ruminating
-over/under eating
-overworking
-not prioritizing things that matter the most

And examples of healthy coping mechanisms include:

-exercising (releases endorphins and serotonin, natural stress-relievers)
-meditating
-practicing yoga
-breathing exercises
-aromatherapy with essential oils
-affirmations
-journaling
-expressing gratitude (Gratitude worksheets available in the Freebie Library)
-creating/hobbies
-doing a brain dump (Brain Dump worksheets available in the Freebie Library)
-setting boundaries/saying no
-social media detox
-spending time in nature
-treating yourself to a luxury spa box

Connect Those Stressors to the Self-Care Activities that Help You

First, consider if there are any stressors that you can:

-eliminate
-avoid or limit your exposure to, and/or
-reframe your mindset regarding

For example: toxic relationships, clutter, negative thoughts, complaining, unreasonable expectations, unhealthy diet, sedentary lifestyle, multitasking, procrastinating, etc.

Remaining unavoidable stressors must be connected to healthy coping mechanisms.

Notice what forms of self-care help you to remain calm during stressful situations. 

For example, you may find that it helps to mindfully color while drinking tea when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Or that it helps to do yoga when you’re angry. Or that you feel happier and more energized when you eat plenty of fruits and veggies. 

Whatever self-care activities work for you, make note of them.

Be Specific & Write it Down

Which brings us to the last tip I’d like to give you for creating your self-care plan...

As with any goal, your chances of success increase if you are specific and you write it down.

When you’re feeling stressed out, what will you do? What will you avoid?

Give yourself a visible reminder of your commitment to making self-care a priority. This could be in the form of your self-care plan, a quote, anything that reminds you to take care of yourself.

When practicing self-care, note what works in certain situations and what doesn’t. It may help to think of it in terms of stressors and their self-care antidotes.

For example, the Stressor might be an upcoming exam and the self-care antidote is a candlelit bath.

The Stressor might be an overpacked schedule and the self-care antidote is cancelling plans and enjoying a cozy night of TV at home by yourself.

Or the stressor might be that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and the self-care activities/antidotes are doing a brain dump and decluttering your physical environment.  

Keep track of your progress and make note of any changes you want to make. If one type of self-care activity didn’t work as well as another, that’s something to pay attention to!

Review your progress periodically to make sure your needs are being met and make any necessary adjustments to your self-care plan along the way.

Self-Care Plan Worksheets

Don't forget to download these self-care worksheets I made to help you create your self-care plan! You can get them in my Etsy shop -- available in printer-friendly black and white. 

Stress Tracker, Stressors & Self-Care Activities Diary

Self-Care Tracker, Monthly Goals

Healthy & Unhealthy Self-Care Habits,
Warning Signs of Too Much Stress

Self-Care Reminders – Quotes & Positive Affirmations,
Things I Am Grateful For

I hope this post helped you to create your own self-care plan. I wish you all the best in creating it and sticking to it!

Please share in the comments … what’s your “go-to” self-care activity?

Share this & help someone else!

*Related post: How to Create a Personal Development Plan (ultimate guide with examples of personal development goals)

Dealing with Losing a Loved One

Hello again, my friends!!! It has been waaaaay too long.

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your summer... anyone else super excited for fall though?!

When we launched Self Care by 3D Success last year, I did not expect it to take off the way it did. So, I’m sorry there hasn’t been a new blog post for a while; I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had much time for anything else other than keeping up with the Etsy shop!

We also just finished our move to Colorado Springs, where we’ll thankfully have a lot more space for the business.  I feel so blessed to be an entrepreneur and to be able to work from home, especially during this difficult time given the pandemic. 

Sadly, one of our bestselling spa boxes has been the Sorry for Your Loss gift set/ Grieving Friend gift  (below). It's a unique alternative to flowers/food and encourages the recipient to take time for themselves as self-care is so important, especially during the grieving process.

Since all of our gift sets come with a personal note, I saw just how many people were losing loved ones to Covid. Some people even reached out to me with their stories, which were heartbreaking. 

I don’t personally know anyone who died from Covid, so running the Etsy shop actually gave me unique insight into the wide-sweeping effects of this deadly virus on the U.S.

And while our self-care items provide a comforting escape from life’s hardships, there must also be holistic healing on a deeper level, especially for us HSPs. So, I am hoping that this post will help those who are dealing with the grief of losing a loved one.

Everyone Grieves Differently After Losing a Loved One

Some people release their emotions immediately while others may be numb for a while or unable to express their feelings. Remember that everyone grieves differently - allow yourself the space and grace to grieve in the way you need to.

However, stay away from drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. It might work in the short term but can quickly become an unhealthy crutch that not only jeopardizes your health but also stands in the way of true healing.

Grieving is a Process

Time heals all wounds – to a degree.

Although right now you may feel as if you are going to implode from the overwhelming sadness, remember that it won’t last forever. The intensity of the grief will subside over time.

Some people find that the feeling of loss never goes away; it ebbs and flows depending on your mood, surroundings, and other factors. You might be doing ok one minute and then all of a sudden something triggers you, sending you into a grief spiral.

This is normal.

Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that can manifest when we lose someone we love. Going through your grieving process is how you will be able to heal and move forward.

Recognize the Stages of Grief

One of the most well-known books about coping with loss is “On Death and Dying” by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. The author of this seminal work outlines the five stages of her grief model, also known as DABDA.

It is important to note that not everyone experiences all -or any- of these stages, and certainly not everyone goes through them in this order.

However, recognizing the stages and knowing that you are not alone in experiencing them can help with the grieving process after death. So, here they are:

• Denial- Initially, it can be difficult to accept that the person actually died and is not here anymore. You may find yourself in a state of shock in which you simply cannot process what has occurred. 
• Anger- Once reality sets in, you may feel gypped. “Why me?” is a common sentiment at this stage. You may even question your faith (how could God do this to me, why did this have to happen?)
• Bargaining- At this stage, you enter into negotiations with the universe, clinging to irrational hope in a desperate final attempt to get your loved one back. (“Take my life instead!”)
• Depression- When the reality and finality of the loss finally settles in, you may feel deeply sad, hopeless, or even numb. This stage is again, different for everyone, but may be characterized by fatigue, loss of interest in things you used to find fun or interesting, and maybe even wanting to die or having suicidal thoughts.
• Acceptance- During this stage, you accept that your loved one is gone and there is nothing you can do to bring them back. The sadness remains, but a new perspective emerges – one that allows you to realize that even though they are gone forever, you are going to be ok.

Breathe Deeply

If you feel tightness in your chest and your stomach is in knots, some breathing exercises are in order.

Deep breathing is one of the easiest and fastest ways to soothe stress and anxiety after the loss of a loved one or any traumatic experience.

When we are sad, angry, or nervous, we tend to take small, shallow breaths. This triggers sympathetic nervous system responses such as heightened anxiety and panic attacks, which obviously only makes things worse.

Breathing deeply, on the other hand, engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which slows the heart rate, eases muscle tension, and releases hormones that relax the mind and body.

This article has some great instructions on how to perform 5 different deep breathing techniques. Also, here is a helpful YouTube video - Deep Breathing Exercises for Beginners:

*Start slow – even five minutes a day can have a profound, lasting impact on your health.

Deep breathing goes hand in hand with mindfulness and can be especially effective when performed in conjunction with meditation and/or yoga.

Embrace Personal Growth 

Through this hardship, your resilience will strengthen, making you better able to cope with all of life’s trials and tribulations.

We humans are made to be resilient and adaptive in order to survive. Lean on your inner strength. Losing a loved one is never easy, but you are strong enough to endure.

Expressing gratitude is one of the best things you can do to reframe negative experiences and avoid ruminating about past traumas.

So, focus on the positive. Instead of replaying the moment you received the bad news or wallowing in guilt over things you should have said or could have done, remember all the good times you had with your loved one.

Find a deeper meaning in the loss. Did your loved one teach you a valuable lesson or help you to see things from a different perspective? Implementing that wisdom in your life moving forward is a great way to honor their memory.

Learn from Your Past

In our short lives, we experience loss many times in various forms – we’ve all had to deal with losing a pet, a family member, friends, jobs, homes, etc.  

Remember all the losses you suffered before this one and realize that you are still here. You made it through before and you will make it through again.

• How did you cope with your prior losses?
• Were there any coping mechanisms that could be helpful in this situation?
• What is the best way to grieve a loss for you?

Was there anything you learned from those experiences that you could do differently this time to help you in coping with grief and loss this time?

This article contains some really helpful exercises designed to help you or your grieving friend cope with losing a loved one.

Lean on Your Support System after the Loss of a Loved One

It may help to talk about it with loved ones or even be a shoulder to lean on for someone else who is coping with loss as well.

Don’t ignore or stifle your feelings- this can lead to bigger problems down the road both psychologically and physically. Your family and friends want to be there for you. This is the time when you really need them and that’s what they are there for, so let them help.

This is also a good time to lean on your faith. You may find comfort in God, Jesus, Buddhist philosophies, spiritual beliefs, meditation, yoga, or any other “higher power” you believe in.

If you don’t feel comfortable opening up to someone, consider writing in a private journal. Journaling is a powerful tool for working through many problems, from depression and anxiety to reaching goals.

It can help us to face our true feelings and to engage in self-analysis. Sort of like a brain dump, writing in a journal helps to get it all out of your mind and onto paper – which can be very cathartic, especially after losing a loved one. Studies even show that journaling can strengthen the immune system, lower blood pressure, and help with insomnia.

If you are really struggling or you have been struggling with the grief for a prolonged period of time, it may be best to seek grief counseling. A professional can help you with accepting and coming to terms with the loss, working through the grief, and adjusting to life without your loved one while still maintaining a connection with them.

Spend Some Time in Nature

Studies show that just 20 minutes outside is enough to reduce stress levels. Simply being in nature helps us to feel connected, grounded, and at peace.

But if you feel restless and find that you have a lot of nervous energy, walking, gardening, or any form of outside exercise are optimal outlets.

Take Care of Yourself

During this time of loss, it may be difficult to eat, sleep, exercise, and go about your normal routine.

Make an extra effort to look after yourself and set aside some time to take care of yourself – your body and mind need it! To make sure you get in your self care, it might be a good idea to schedule a routine for yourself, like a Self Care Sunday.

Everyone’s idea of self-care is a little different, but it can involve things like taking a relaxing candlelit bath, essential oil aromatherapy, and meditation. Looking for more ideas? Here’s a list of 33 self care ideas for stress relief.

*Be especially vigilant around the holidays and meaningful dates such as anniversaries.

Sorry for Your Loss Messages to Help Someone Cope with Losing a Loved One

It can be challenging to know how to express your condolences to a grieving friend or family member. My Self Care by 3D Success customers have provided hundreds of excellent examples of words to comfort someone who lost a loved one:

Here are a few of my favorites:

• Sharing in your sorrow and keeping you in our prayers.
• A life need not be long-lived for it to have been meaningful.
• Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone. 
• We are thinking of you every day and sending lots of love your way.
• A beautiful soul is never forgotten.
• We are holding you close in our hearts across the miles. Sending all our love.
• I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother’s passing. Thinking of you and sending comfort.
• May the peace that comes from your memories with your dad comfort you in the days ahead.
• “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in times of sorrow.” -Robert Louis Stevenson
• We are thinking of you. Please remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time.
• Marley was the best dog ever and I know you are missing him terribly. He’ll always hold a special place in my heart. I’m here if you want to talk.
• Wishing you peace and tranquility. Please let me know if you need anything at all.
• Our thoughts are with you and your family as you mourn the loss of your sister.
• Sending our love with deepest condolences for your loss.
• I’m so sorry you have to go through this – just know you are not alone.
• Our hearts are heavy after the loss of Pete. He will never be forgotten.
• May you be surrounded by loving memories of your special mother always.
• Wrapping you in love and hugs as you go through this difficult season of loss.
• Thinking of you and Anne on the anniversary of her passing. Remember, she is always with you, as are we.
• Sending healing vibes and strength your way for the days to come.
• We are broken-hearted over the loss of your brother. Praying for you and your family.
• Sending our love, support & prayers for strength, patience, and healing.
• “When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.” – C.S. Lewis
• Thanks for including us in such a beautiful ceremony. It was obvious how much the kids adored George. Please know we are always here for you and would love to have you join us for dinner anytime.
• Praying for you every day and sending you all the positive vibes. No matter what happens in life, I will always be here.
• Your mom was such a warm, caring, wonderful woman and she has an amazing daughter. Love you and hope you are doing okay.
• You are strong but God is stronger. He will get you through this.
• You now have a beautiful guardian angel looking out for you every day.
• Life is tough, but so are you. Hang in there and take care of yourself during this process.
• Hoping you can find some time for yourself to rest, relax, grieve, and do whatever your soul needs.
• I’m so sorry to hear about Dylan. Please know that I am only a text or phone call away, anytime, day or night.
• Remember in all the chaos to take a moment to simply breathe.
• It’s ok to not be ok right now. Just know I’m here for you.
• Edgar was such a beautiful human being, and we are so lucky to have known him.
• Sending you energy, thoughts, and meditations. My ears are here for listening.
• Sending hugs and so much love to you and Nate.
• Praying for peace and healing after your loss. I’m always here to talk.
• Papa lived a long and incredible life. May his memory be a blessing and his legacy everlasting.
• We are here. You are loved.
• The ones we love are never gone; they live within our hearts.
• In loving memory of your daughter, gone yet not forgotten.
• Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.
• Your son was a blessing, his memory a treasure. He is still loved beyond words and missed beyond measure.
• “Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison
• Those we love don’t go away, They walk beside us every day, Unseen, unheard, but always near, Still loved, still missed and very dear.
• Thinking of you and your family as you celebrate Jeff’s life.
• I can imagine that all the angels in heaven sang a song of love as Jesus welcomed your sweet mom into heaven.
• The loss is immeasurable, but so is the love that is left behind.

Over to you ... any tips on how to help a grieving friend cope with losing a loved one? Leave a comment!

Share this & help someone else!

*This post has been edited; it was originally published on November 19, 2018.

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year.

But it can also be the most stressful!

Things like cooking, cleaning, shopping, hosting, traveling, and trying to stay healthy all contribute to the stress we experience during these winter months.

And the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic only adds to that stress, especially during the holidays.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do to make sure you can enjoy this holiday season without getting overwhelmed.

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

Here are 5 simple tips to reduce your holiday stress:

1. Stick to Your Budget

One of the first things that comes to mind when I think of holiday stress is finances.

In a recent Gallup poll, Americans revealed that they planned to spend an average of $830 on gifts. But last year U.S. shoppers spent more than they bargained for, racking up an average of $1,054 in debt during the holiday season – that could take months or even years to pay off. 

And this year, online shopping is at an all-time high. (On Cyber Monday, shoppers spent a whopping $12 million a minute during the 8pm to 9pm ecommerce peak!)

So, to reduce holiday stress this season, set a budget and stick to it.

Make a list of everyone you will be getting gifts for and decide how much you want to spend on each gift as well as how much you will spend on decorations and food.

Using a credit card makes it easy to overspend, so if you go shopping in person, consider bringing the exact amount with you in cash to ensure that you don’t go over your predetermined budget. 

Another thing to budget wisely is your time. There are usually a lot of events during the holiday season and sometimes you just can’t do it all.

Don’t over-commit yourself – be prepared to say no. You may have to politely decline some invitations to ensure that you can actually enjoy the holidays.  

2. Prepare and Let Go

Preparation goes a long way when it comes to reducing holiday stress.

If you’re hosting a holiday dinner, plan your meal and prepare what dishes you can in advance to avoid having to do everything the day-of. 

Don’t leave cleaning until Christmas or the day of the event. You always wind up having less time than you thought you would have. So, start a few days out and maybe tackle a room or two each day.

Also, fighting through massive crowds of people at the last minute frantically trying to find gifts for everyone on your list is no fun...and now thanks to the COVID, it's actually risky.

That’s why, now more than ever, I prefer to shop online. 

Just remember that everything doesn’t have to be perfect. So, prepare as best you can … and then let go. Let someone else handle the packaging and shipping.

If you're looking for a one-stop shop to get gifts for everyone on your list, check out my self care gift shop! 

For more information on Self Care by 3D Success personalized self care gift boxes, click here.  

3. Continue Your Self-Care

It’s important to keep up your healthy habits during the holiday season. Diet and exercise can have a huge impact on your mood and energy levels.

Because there’s so much going on, it can be easy to let your routines slip but maintaining your health will go a long way towards reducing holiday stress.

Make sure to continue your self-care routine (especially if you are an introvert/HSP/empath!). 

Also, drink plenty of water and eat lots of fruit and vegetables. Foods like spinach and avocados help in the production of serotonin and dopamine, which help to keep you calm and happy.

Eating just a handful of nuts each day will help you to maintain a balanced mood. Almonds contain B vitamins which helps to keep your energy levels stable – as opposed to candy, pastries or anything with refined sugar, which will only give you a quick surge of energy followed by a sugar crash.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have Christmas goodies though, that would be torture - indulge! Just make sure you eat the healthy stuff too, so your body gets the nutrients it needs.

And don’t slack on your workouts … ain’t nobody got time for holiday weight gain!

Even if you don’t normally exercise then walking, yoga, meditation or progressive muscle relaxation can really help to soothe anxiety and reduce holiday stress.

Here are some more natural remedies for anxiety to incorporate into your self care Sunday routine during these winter months. 

So, there you have it - my five simple tips to reduce holiday stress! 

Do you have any tips that I didn’t mention? Leave a comment!

  Happy Holidays!

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* This post was originally published on November 25, 2019 and has been updated.

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” -Zig Ziglar

Thanksgiving is almost here (yay!), so it’s the perfect time to count our blessings.

No matter our station in life, we have many things to be grateful for.

And research shows that to express gratitude for what we have has many benefits, including overall enhancement of well-being...it's also one of the best self care ideas for stress relief (which we could all use this year!). 

Considering the extensive advantages, you may want to consider instituting a gratitude practice year-round!

But even when we are grateful, it's not always easy to know how to express that gratitude.

That's why I've put together some gratitude journal prompts and activities for you! Maybe you can give them a try with your family this Thanksgiving.

Show someone special that you're grateful for them by sending them a personalized care package this holiday season! 

Express Gratitude: Things to Be Grateful For

There are lots of things to be grateful for.

Sadly, our fast-paced, technology-driven lives can cause us to overlook some of the simpler (yet important) things.

But by focusing on these simple things, we can significantly increase our happiness and well-being.

Regularly expressing gratitude helps keep us to focus on the positive and keep things in perspective when we are overwhelmed and nearing burnout.

It cultivates a mindset that changes our entire outlook on life!

Gratitude Habits

A classic exercise called “three good things” helps us to bring all the things we should be grateful for into focus.  

Here’s how you do it:

Before going to bed, reflect upon your day and write down three good things that happened. Think about why those things happened and express gratitude for them.   

Gratitude journaling is another healthy habit that can have transformative results.

There are many ways to keep a gratitude journal. You could write down things you are grateful for upon waking in the morning or before going to bed at night.

Or you could write down something you are grateful for the moment it happens.

You could name as many small things as you can think of or you could select one (or a few) to express your gratitude for in a more in-depth way.

Or focus on certain topics like your relationships, your health, nature, etc.

Here are some gratitude journal prompts and activities that help me personally.

I hope they help you too! Maybe you can try doing some of them with your family over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Gratitude Journal Prompts

I am grateful for this:

Gratitude Activities

Gratitude Jar

Each day write down one thing you are grateful for on a piece of paper. Fold it and place it into the jar. Open the jar whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Gratitude Rock

Find a rock you like (because of the color, texture, or pattern, or because it’s from a special place, etc.) Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, hold the rock and remember all the things you are grateful for. Take a moment to be mindful and focus on the positive.

Gratitude Walk

Go for a walk outside. Nature has an amazing ability to calm the nerves, lift the spirit, and clear the head. As you walk, look in awe at the natural beauty all around you. Think of the things you are grateful for that you typically take for granted such as the air that fills your lungs, the trees that give you shade, or the legs that allowed you to go on the walk in the first place.

Happy Thanksgiving!
 

 Over to you … what are you grateful for? Leave a comment!

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Head over to the Freebie Library (a regularly updated collection of free downloadable content) to download your Gratitude Prompts and Exercises.

Ah, Sunday.

That bittersweet 24 hours before you have to go back to work.

Well, instead of spending this Sunday wallowing in “Monday dread”, why not try a self care Sunday routine?

Not only will it help you to truly relax and enjoy the last day of your precious weekend, but it will also rejuvenate your mind and body for the week that lies ahead.

Everybody’s self care routine will differ depending on personal preferences, lifestyle, etc. but here are some ideas to hopefully inspire you.

For more self care ideas categorized by mental self care, physical self care, and spiritual self care, check out this post: 33 Self Care Ideas for Stress Relief.

(There is also a quiz you can take to assess your current level of self care as well as some self care worksheets in the Freebie Library.)

* This post contains affiliate links. I am a Bluehost, Thrive Themes, ConvertKit & Tailwind affiliate, meaning that if you click on a qualifying  link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission. 

3D Success, LLC. is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Please read the Disclaimer for more info.

Head over to the Freebie Library (a regularly updated collection of free downloadable content) to download your free Self-Care Worksheets.

1. Sleep In

Sleep is a vital component of health.

When you are sleeping, your body restores itself by regulating your hormones and repairing your muscles and bones.

Your brain also engages in activities it otherwise is not able to do when you’re awake.

Like consolidating new memories, processing and organizing information and removing toxins that have built up in your brain when you were awake.

If you don’t get enough sleep (7-9 hours a night), there are many negative consequences, such as:

• reduced concentration
• impaired memory
• lowered immune function
• bad mood
• increased risk for high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, depression and obesity

That’s why sleeping in is a critical component of a healthy self care routine. Not just for “Self Care Sunday”, but every day.

So, do yourself a solid and hit the hay a little earlier.

And don’t be on your phone for at least a half an hour before bedtime. The blue light interferes with your circadian rhythms and the production of melatonin, an essential hormone for restful sleep.

2. Put on some comfy clothes

What you wear has an effect on your mental health.

You wouldn’t wear the same thing to work as you would when you’re relaxing at home would you?

I certainly wouldn’t!

Clothes have the power to affect how you feel about yourself and how you feel in general.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I simply cannot stand uncomfortable, tight, scratchy, pinchy clothes or shoes.

And fortunately, I now have the blessing of working from home so I can wear what I want.

But if you have to dress a certain way for work all week, take full advantage of this self care Sunday and wear loose, comfy clothes all day.

3. Wash your sheets & use linen spray

We should all be washing our sheets at least once every two weeks.

Every hour, our bodies shed approximately 200 million dead skin cells.

Tiny dust mites that are invisible to the naked eye feed on those cells – and then poop.

That fecal matter can cause allergies and make asthma worse – plus, it’s just gross to think about all those germs and bacteria festering in your bed sheets!

So, make washing your sheets a part of your self care Sunday routine. Once you get in the habit of washing your sheets weekly, you may notice that you sleep more peacefully.

For an added bonus, spray your sheets with linen spray.

Just be careful about which kind you use – most commercial brands are filled with synthetic fragrance and other unhealthy additives.

I make a room spray with just organic essential oil, distilled water, and 100-proof vodka. *Try lavender essential oil for relaxation.

4. Drink herbal tea (& lots of water throughout the day)

Herbal tea is made by steeping various parts of plants and flowers.

Like essential oil, herbal tea has loads of natural health benefits.

Teas have been used medicinally for thousands of years and can help with relieving stress, fighting colds, improving digestion, boosting the immune system, reducing inflammation, slowing the aging process, lowering blood pressure, aiding in weight loss, getting rid of headaches, and more!

Some of my favorites include Yogi Kava tea, (paid link) peppermint tea, and chamomile tea.

In addition to drinking some soothing herbal tea, make sure you are staying hydrated throughout the day.

Drink at least eight 8 oz. glasses of water throughout the day – just like sleep, water is important for optimal brain and body function.

5. Light a beeswax candle

Yes, specifically a beeswax candle.

Beeswax candles give off a natural golden glow and do not produce toxic smoke or soot like other types of candles.

Paraffin candles are a petroleum byproduct, created from the sludge waste produced when crude oil is refined into gasoline.

Soy candles are not much better and often contain poisonous dyes and synthetic fragrances. Not to mention that about 94% of U.S. soybean crops are genetically modified.

Beeswax candles, on the other hand, are made from pure and natural beeswax. They are non-toxic, chemical free, and all natural.

They are also hypoallergenic and produce negative ions which help to clean the air.

So, if you suffer from allergies or asthma, this may be the natural remedy you’ve been searching for!

Read this article if you’re interested in learning more about the surprising health benefits of beeswax candles.

Self Care Sunday Routine

6. Do some gratitude exercises

Expressing gratitude improves our lives in so many ways.

It releases dopamine and serotonin in the brain, making us feel happier and more at peace.

It also improves our resilience and ability to cope with stressful situations.

Gratitude helps us to keep things in perspective by acknowledging and appreciating all the things we have to be grateful for.

Unfortunately, our fast-paced lives often get in the way of taking some time to simply reflect on all the wonderful little things that we already have.

On this self care Sunday, take some time to express gratitude for all your blessings in your own way.

You could write in a journal or do some gratitude exercises.

There are some gratitude journal prompts and exercises available for you in the Freebie Library if that’s something you’d like to try.

7. Do some yoga/meditation/stretching

I’ve said it before – yoga has changed my life.

I’m so much calmer and in tune with my body now than I was before I got into the habit of doing yoga.

If you’re just starting out, try doing some beginner poses like cat/cow, downward facing dog, cobra, and legs up the wall pose.

But if yoga is just not your thing, try stretching instead.

And as you do your yoga or stretching exercises, try not to think about anything else. This is a great opportunity to incorporate mindfulness meditation.

When thoughts come into your mind, acknowledge them without judgment and then gently push them away, focusing only on your breath and the current moment.

8. Go for a walk outside/bike ride

Few things are as rejuvenating and awe-inspiring as nature.

Being outside for just 20 minutes a day can have a significant effect on your mood and stress levels.

So, get outside and breathe in the fresh air. Walk amongst the trees. Marvel at the sky.

I recently got a mountain bike and I absolutely love biking through the parks and trails here in Colorado.

As you walk or ride your bike, be sure to breathe. Allow your stomach to expand as you breathe through your nose.

Also, bring some water with you – I have a Camelbak (paid link) backpack that I fill with water before I leave the house.

9. Pick some flowers & put them in a vase or hang them to dry

On your walk, perhaps you will see some wildflowers or interesting leaves.

Why not take some home with you? You could pick a variety of flowers and greenery to put in a vase and enjoy at home.

Or, you could hang them upside down to create a dried flower bouquet like this one!

Another option for your self care Sunday is gardening. If you are lucky enough to have your own house with a yard, get out in the dirt.

Touching your bare feet to the soil is called “earthing” – it allows you to connect more directly to the earth’s energy.

I find this to be an excellent grounding technique that comes with a multitude of health benefits. Studies have shown that earthing:

• Regulates cortisol
• Improves sleep
• Neutralizes of free radicals
• Reduces of pain
• Promotes relaxation

10. Indulge in a special meal/dessert (especially chocolate!)

It’s certainly important to eat healthy, but it’s also good to indulge every once in a while.

Treat yourself to a special meal – especially a home cooked one. Make a tried and true “comfort meal” recipe or maybe try something new.

There are tons of ideas on Pinterest.

Also, don’t skip dessert today! Indulge your sweet tooth, especially with chocolate.

Dark chocolate has numerous health benefits and is one of the best foods for anxiety.  

11. Watch a TV show or movie/read a book

If you’re anything like me, you enjoy a good “binge watch”!

Whether it’s movies, Netflix shows or a book, spend some time mentally immersed in another environment. Take your mind off your personal struggles, worries, and “to-do” list.

You may not have time during the week to watch or read all the things you want to during the week, so take advantage of this self care Sunday and catch up.

Curl up on the couch with your comfy clothes and a cup of tea for a cozy, carefree and relaxing evening.

You’ll be glad you did once the week ahead gets into full swing.

Self Care Sunday Routine

12. Take an aromatherapy bath or shower 

Taking a hot bath or shower before bed can help you relax and have a peaceful sleep.

While you’re at it, why not incorporate aromatherapy for added health benefits?

Just make sure you are using essential oils and not fragrance oils or other products with toxic additives.

I make bath bombs, bath salts and shower melts with organic lavender, lemongrass, or peppermint essential oils.

They include skin-loving ingredients like coconut oil, kaolin clay and coconut milk powder and stress-reducing ingredients like Epsom salts, dead sea salt and pink Himalayan salt.

You could try making your own DIY bath bomb or shower melt on Saturday and then enjoy it in your bath/shower on self care Sunday!

*Be careful with commercial bath products – many of them contain SLS, parabens, polysorbate-80, mica, petroleum, phthalates, and other artificial ingredients.

13. Exfoliate & moisturize your skin/give yourself a pedicure

Now that your skin is softened from your bath or shower, it’s a perfect opportunity to show your feet some love.

I don’t know about you, but mine can get pretty dry, especially when I wear flip flops during the summer.

I exfoliate the bottoms of my feet with these purple pumice bars that I get from Sally Beauty supply. Then, I put on some lotion mixed with various oils like jojoba, raspberry, and rosehip.

(Use what you have, but again be careful with commercial products – read the ingredient list to make sure you’re not slathering chemicals all over your body.)

14. Cuddle & play with your pet

Animals set a good example for us about how to be more mindful and how to be content with the simple things in life.

This self care Sunday, take some time to observe your pet – watch how they relax, how they breathe, how little things bring them joy.

Cuddle with them, play with them, or simply do an activity around them (my cat loves it when I’m cleaning/organizing!).

If you don’t have pets, consider volunteering for an animal shelter. People and animals have so much to offer each other – especially in terms of companionship and stress reduction.

Or, consider donating (even small amounts help so much) to causes like Taki’s Shelter – one of my personal favorites.

This amazing guy Takis has dedicated his life to rescuing over 400 dogs and other animals. Check out his YouTube channel to see the heartwarming rescues and his huge, paradise on earth shelter.

15. Prepare for the week ahead (meal prep, organize & declutter, brain dump, etc.)

Preparing for the week ahead helps to ensure that things go as smoothly and as stress-free as possible.

Depending on your schedule, job, lifestyle, etc. this may include things like preparing meals for the week, organizing your home office, or picking out your outfits.

One thing I would recommend is doing a brain dump. If you’ve never done this before, you will probably be amazed at how cathartic it is!

Here’s the blog post with instructions on how to clear your mind with a brain dump and there are also brain dump worksheets in the Freebie Library to help you.

16. Listen to some relaxing music & do some deep breathing exercises

Did you know that music can change brain function as much as some medications?

It’s true! Certain frequencies - 432 Hz and 528 Hz – produce healing energy which helps to repair DNA, release emotional blockages, and promote relaxation.

But, even music not in those frequencies can have an effect on your emotional state. So, put on some music that you like and practice some deep breathing exercises while you’re at it.

I like to do box breathing, a technique used by the U.S. Navy SEALS in stressful situations.

Check out this video if you’d like to try it.

17. Focus on spiritual growth/personal development

The last idea I’m going to leave you with for your self care Sunday focuses on spiritual growth/personal development.

Is there anything that you are struggling with?

Maybe you have trouble controlling your emotions or forgiving those who have hurt you, or dealing with negative people.

Spend some time working on these things.

If you are religious, pray. If not, set some goals and maybe seek guidance on how to continue improving yourself and your life.

Here is a blog post I wrote on how to create your own personal development plan.

I hope these ideas gave you some inspiration for your self care Sunday!

What do you like to do for self care? Let me know in the comments.

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